So I am all set (and excited) to see the therapist I worked with - the very gentle therapist with the healing hands who put me so at ease when I first started physical therapy. She keeps her own book (she is the director) and when I signed in, it turns out she had put someone else in my slot who was already there talking with her. There was one therapist who had JUST had a cancellation (which hardly ever happens there) and who should it be, but the therapist who kicked butt in the pool and also "yelled" at me one day for not wearing sneakers when she saw me working with another therapist. And when I saw her this week in the pool (she was not my therapist) she got on me about using the crutch and said I should be without it already. When I found out it was her I was so upset and almost walked out. But since my next land therapy isn't until next Wednesday I sat and fumed and stayed for the appointment. As soon as I saw her I said - "Don't yell at me for not wearing sneakers," and I was glad I had my cane and not my crutch.
The first thing she did was take away the cane and said "Walk without it. The only thing standing in your way is fear." She then explained WHY I should wear sneakers (instead of sandals) which made perfect sense. Then she explained WHY I should get off the cane/crutch. Then she explained WHY I shouldn't sit in the shower (which she knew I did on Wednesday because I asked for the handicapped bathroom). We also talked a lot about breaking through fear and how that is keeping me from really pushing to where I can be. She said she watches me in the pool and knows that I'm strong and motivated and quite capable of pushing myself. She spoke to me a lot about not being afraid of hurting myself and that pain is not the end of the world and that I should trust what my doctor said - unless I fall out a window chances are very slight I will hurt my knee. She also said I am too much in my head and I have to start getting things into my body.
I asked her for a home therapy program because I am getting so confused with all the exercises I have to pick and choose from. She took the program I had been sent home with the hospital and said it is time to put that away and those exercises are no longer necessary and that I have to challenge myself and start building muscles to move into real life (walking, stairs, etc.). She gave me an excellent (but hard) home program that I have to do only once, maybe twice a day. (Of course, with the understanding that I no longer be a couch potato and that I also use the pool.) There were a few exercise that I did not already know and she showed me the correct way to do them - the hardest being the two new quad exercises. She showed all the incorrect ways that will produce pain (and I did them incorrectly along with her so I would get the connection in my own body) and then the correct ways which were - although difficult - surprisingly pain-free.
THEN we went to the gym where she had me work on a stretch on the recumbent bike, moving the seat closer than what was comfortable for an easy rotation. As a matter of fact the point was to move the seat so close that I couldn't do a rotation. I got to the top of the arc and said to her - what do I do if my leg goes over and around. And she said "Let it. If you hear a pop don't worry - it's scar tissue breaking. It's good for you." And all of a sudden the flood gates opened and I started crying. She asked what was wrong and I told her I was afraid. "Afraid of what?" I answered, "The pain. The damage." She assured me (reminding me again of what the doctor said) that I won't do any damage. And I asked - "What if I scream?" She said, "So scream." Then she told me a story about a client of hers who, like me, needed a manipulation because her range of motion was only about 80 degrees. She refused to have it and no matter how she tried on her own she couldn't increase the range by more than a few degrees. About two weeks later she had a fall. She heard a loud pop, and never felt better - she had broken her own scar tissue in the fall! -- Certainly moving my legs on a bike is not more dangerous than falling! We laughed, the tears dried, I went all the way around, and I didn't even scream.
Once the appointment was over I went to the schedule desk and moved most of my August appointments over to her schedule! Now I can't wait to see her again. It was kismet that the original therapist didn't have me in her book, and that this other therapist's client cancelled, and that I didn't walk out.
Conquer the fear. That is this weekend's mantra!
Miriam
Hope you don't mind, but I added your blog to my list of TKR blogs.
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