Days 11 and 12 - the weekend!

Had an interesting weekend.  I don't know whether it was easier or harder to be home with this plan.  I was fine on Saturday - except that I didn't have my third shake of the day. I had gone to visit my daughter and by the time I got home and in bed it was late and I was tired and was NOT hungry.  I actually brought dinner to make at her house and it was wonderful:  We had Chilean sea bass and haddock, a vegetable dish (carrots, celery, chard, zucchini) and something else that I don't remember now (lol) - might have been sweet potato.  She thought everything was delicious, as did I.  I drank a shake in the car on my way to her house so I wasn't that hungry to begin with, and certainly not hungry when I got home.

Sunday morning I was having a mini pity-party...oh how I miss my coffee and "normal" breakfast.  My friend was quick to point out that normal is a changing situation, and now my normal is a shake - deal with it! LOL  Once I got through the disappointment of my new normal, I was fine.  As a matter of fact, I did some of my NORMAL Sunday afternoon cooking for the week, that I had been missing:

Fish chowder
Sockeye salmon
Butternut squash
Sweet potatoes
Roasted brussels sprouts with apples
Baked apples
Roasted cabbage

That sort of does me for the week.  I made up three lunches-to-go of salmon, sweet potatoes, roasted cabbage and brussels sprouts.  I made an extra big pot of the fish chowder because I actually thoroughly enjoyed that last week when I made it, so that will be dinner with butternut squash and baked apples.

Actually this strict phase (the metabolic cleanse) is almost done and I made it!  On Wednesday I get to add back in ALL vegetables, ALL fruits and white rice.  The chicken/turkey/lamb and other grains do not make it back in until the last week of this.

My husband said that it looks like I have lost weight but I don't want to be a slave to the scale through this, so don't know what is doing in terms of numbers.

What *I* notice is that I have much more energy (except this morning... must have to do with being Monday and having to use my alarm clock this morning!) AND I had a pesky rash under my belly that has gone away without any ointment.  I think it was something yeasty - so that has totally cleared up!  So far so good...

Miriam

Day 9 (Continued) and Day 10

A lot less blue today!  Last night after work I stopped at the mall and got some walking in - by the time I got home I had over 6,000 steps.  My moderate goal is 5,000 a day for now (I actually will increase to 6,000 next week) so it was nice to receive an "atta girl" from Fitbit when I synced the device when I got home.  Unfortunately I did some shopping too!  I had to go out to my car to get my wallet, as I walk with just my iPod and keys.  Mall walking can be very dangerous.  I used to go before the stores opened in the mornings (they open at 6AM for walking while stores open at 10AM - except for places like Dunkin Donuts and Au Bon Pain - smart to open early to catch the walkers) so I didn't have a shopping problem. 

I had a shake on my way home from work and wasn't hungry until I got home around 8.  I was thinking while I was walking how nice it is to not be famished on the way home from work.  I know I complained yesterday that I miss being hungry - yes and no.  I don't miss being famished and making a beeline for the fridge, but I miss an appetite. I eat because it is time to eat. HOWEVER, not so right now as I am finishing up my lunch.  I didn't have any fruit and a tea as a mid-morning snack because I was visiting my mother so I actually was very hungry for lunch and now that it is finished I am still a bit hungry.  Maybe my body just needs some time to adjust to the new routine and new calorie content.  Also, with increased activity maybe I can expect to be a little more hungry.  I actually hope that I don't go back to being really hungry, but a little bit is okay.

My husband has some sort of a wonderful dinner waiting for me.  He got some wild-caught haddock and he is marinating it in lemon and olive oil.  I am sure it is delicious but seriously?  ENOUGH FISH ALREADY! LOL  I am just really resistant to eating legumes which are allowed at this time.  I have been eating Paleo for so long and have absorbed all their reasoning and now I just don't want to go back to legumes.  I was so happy when I read that I could eat legumes, but now when faced with them I just don't want to.  So... fish it is!  Actually, each shake has 23g protein so I could technically not even have the fish if I wanted an all vegetable meal.  By the time I figure this all out my 28 days will be up anyway! LOL

So I am eating according to the rules, drinking the water required, and moving more.  So now I have to move on to sleep.  I have been doing very well but I am finding lately that I am very tired in the morning and dread getting out of bed.  I am going to make an effort to shut everything off by 10:30, moving it up little by little, for a solid bedtime of 10.  I usually fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, so if I sleep 10-7 I'm good.  I don't sleep uninterrupted (at least once up to go to the bathroom).  I would eventually like to get up earlier than 7, as I am at my best in the morning, but right now I will tackle going to bed earlier not just waking up earlier. 

Looking forward to the weekend!

Miriam

Day 8 (continued) and Day 9

So last night I was REALLY blue and feeling sorry for myself.  I told myself that I would have to share that with you today so you don't think it's all roses with this detox.  I was missing my coffee and my soda.  I was missing my beef and onions and tomatoes and vinegar so that I can enjoy salads - lemon juice just doesn't do it for me  I really tried....(vinegar is allowed but the doctor wants to balance out the PH of my body so none allowed during this period).  Nothing that I could eat appealed to me for dinner.  I treated myself to a sea bass, and although the fish guy did take off the head, tail and scales and took out the guts, he left the fish relatively whole.  I thought it would be fileted so that I could enjoy it with the stuffing I made.  I did bake the fish, then threw it out.  I was afraid that I would never want to eat again.  (LOL - Poor me poor me...)  I thought about people who are so hopeful and excited about getting gastric bypass surgery, and how depressed they really must feel when they no longer can eat what they love in quantities they enjoy. 

So blue....

I don't think my pity-party had to do with my food limitations.  I think it had to do with lack of hunger.  I have never really experienced that before. Even when I got home from surgery (several times in the past decade) I couldn't wait to eat - no pain or pain medication stopped my appetite.  I was always ready to eat.  Yesterday I had my shake after PT (around 5) and I got home with absolutely no appetite or hunger feelings at all (that probably had more to do with my throwing the fish out than the fact that I was disappointed it was not fileted). 

So that ended Day 8.

Today is a new day!  I had my shake for breakfast on the way to work, along with some avocado and my supplements.  I was worried there is not enough fat in the shake for the fat soluble vitamins I take.  About 11 I had an apple.  At 12:30 I had my fish chowder - which is actually VERY good! - and also some roast cauliflower and 1/2 of a sweet potato.  I will have fruit and a second shake in the late afternoon, then maybe the third shake for dinner.  I don't even want anything until 7 or 8.  If I am hungry later I will have fruit again.

I like having a "big" lunch (haha - what I just described was BIG? not by olden-day standards! LOL) and don't mind not having dinner.  I think tonight I will make a soup - maybe escarole and white bean or maybe something with lentils for tomorrow's lunch.  It's not that I am fished out, but I need some better variety. 

I am feeling less blue today.  Last night's mood came out of nowhere.  (I am sure it had a source in something but I am ready to let it go.)  I will drink more tea, think about coffee less.  Today I took a hot to-go cup of tea with me in the car... that sort of helped. 

Looking at the calendar I can see I am almost a third of the way through this.  It really isn't bad in terms of what I can eat and how much I can eat if I wanted... it is just an adjustment to not being hungry (if I were even that darned fish would have looked good last night!). 

How am I feeling?  I noticed that I don't want to go to sleep at night instead of praying for it to be 10PM soon.  (If I sleep any earlier I wake up after an hour and then am up for several.)  Instead I look and I have to force myself to stop what I am doing and go to sleep so I will have enough ZZZs to get me through the next day.  So I suppose I can say I notice I have more energy.  That's good! It's a start!

Miriam

Day 7 (continued) and Day 8

So I figured it was time to get creative in the kitchen so I wouldn't get sick of fish.  I spent the evening cooking (Day 7) and with some GREAT success!  Thanks to my friend Elaine who was on Facebook with me to advise about seasonings, I made two fantastic dishes:

First, I made a vegetable stuffing for a whole striped bass: Sauteed carrots, celery, zucchini, rainbow chard stems and leaves seasoned with paprika and chives.

Then, I made a clear fish chowder with carrots, celery, chard and cod seasoned with thyme, basil, Old Bay, bay leaf, salt and pepper.

I was looking forward to coming home and having the chowder for dinner, but now that I am writing this out I remember that I have the bass!  So much fish - so little time. The chowder will keep so I will make the bass tonight while it is fresh.

I am finding an abundance of wild caught fish and it is hard to keep my purchases to just one or two things at a time - I would rather buy fresh and cook, than freeze, but it is so hard not to buy one of everything!.

Today for lunch I am having wild caught coho salmon, sweet potato, beets, and roast cauliflower. I have been buying cut up melon from Whole Foods - they have a lovely mixture of cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew - and everything is perfectly ripe and sweet.  Honestly - when people ask me, "Then what can you eat?" I have to answer that I have never shopped or cooked more healthfully in my life - and believe me, I was already cooking fresh and healthy!  This is not to say that I might not be able to look at fish for a month after this, but so far, so good.

Last night I didn't time my shakes right and so landed up having a shake for dinner and one later in the evening.  Today I am going to make sure to have a shake on the way home from work so that I will be able to have dinner, then save the third shake for the evening.  I think replacing breakfast with a shake is enough of a meal replacement - I don't want to do more than that (nor do I have to).

Today I added "Intuitive Eating" to my labels because with this plan, I find that I am really tuning into my hunger, fullness, desires, tastes, etc., and it is a much more natural way of eating - more so than any excursion I have made in the past into Intuitive Eating.  Granted my available foods are not endless (which is one concept of IE), but I find that within the boundaries of what I am allowed to eat, I am picking and choosing most naturally.  I like that the dietitian said that this period is not about losing weight, it is just about getting healthy.  That instruction has freed me from monitoring every bite that goes into my mouth (other than being sure it is on the allowed list).

I am so excited that yesterday I almost met my step goal on Fitbit and the day before I exceeded it.  I find that I am moving more with it.  For instance, I took stairs up and down at work yesterday where I might normally have taken the elevator.  It is so much more fun than a pedometer - I enjoy reading all the tallies at the end of the day and seeing what my friends are doing too.

Anyway - Day 8 and doing good!

Miriam

Days 6 & 7

So today (day 7) starts the really restrictive portion of the food plan.  From here on my sources of protein are only wild-caught fish and legumes.  I am sort of iffy on the legumes because I cut them all out as part of the auto-immune protocol of the Paleo diet, but since I am so limited I might gently add them to some dishes, or go full force to make a nice lentil soup - however I am also missing my onions this week and I have never cooked without onions!  My sources of starchy carbs are sweet potatoes and yams, beets and winter squash.  ALL my favorites so no problem there.

I am up to three shakes a day and have started to have one for breakfast.  I cannot have my frozen berries which made the shakes so delicious but I am allowed peaches, so I threw some frozen peaches in this morning, and although not as yummy, still quite tasty.  I read the calorie count for the shakes and although each one has 23 grams of protein, it only has 145 calories so I am convinced (although I already knew it) that these shakes are not intended as meal replacements.  My plan today is to have a regular lunch (I have wild caught salmon -- that I sauteed up at 7:30 this morning  -- sweet potatoes and beets, roasted cauliflower, and a huge container of a variety of sliced melons.  I will make a shake before going home.  Then for dinner I am going to stop by Legal Seafood and if I can get some wild caught trout that is what I have a hankering for, but if they don't have it I will have the rest of the salmon and sautee up some Swiss chard that is itching to be cooked (again no onions - which is what I usually sautee it with).

Everyone is asking me how I feel.  Well ... I feel the same!  I think the detox is working on me internally at cell level, which is what it is intended to do.  Except for the eggs I had already cut out a lot of the foods that I am sensitive to and would have been culprits with any stomach upsets.  Anyway, today is day 7.  Yesterday, which was Day 6 I had a nice surprise which I suppose does have to do with "how do you feel?"  I noticed at about 10PM I wasn't even tired.  I think I have more energy.  I suppose that counts.  AND, on the way home from work, even though I hadn't had a shake in the afternoon AND had a grueling one hour PT session, I wasn't famished as I drove home from work.  As a matter of fact I stopped to grocery shop and I didn't get home for dinner until 7.

Hmm... more energy and not hungry.... I guess I AM feeling a difference!  How about that?

Miriam

Day 5

Forlorn yet a party....

So this morning I was rather sad.  I think not so much because I missed my coffee and usual breakfast but because I missed the routine of it.  I actually got back into bed after I got up and slept another 2 hours.  I was not tired.  I think I was depressed.  I am not making the most of all I have to eat - I can be just as creative with what I have available to me but I just don't feel the love.  Then I missed my Sunday morning coffee in bed more than you can imagine.  Tea just isn't the same.  

After a long while feeling sorry for myself, I got dressed and sat at the kitchen table with my detox literature and made a list of everything that I can eat starting Tuesday, which is day 7.  I still have a list of "core" fruits and veggies (while avoiding others), fish, legumes, oils, herbs and spices.  That's about it.  I am being so silly.  I can create lovely dishes with everything available to me.  But the other part of this puzzle is that I am just not hungry.  And on Day 7 I go up to three shakes a day.  I just do not know how I am going to do that and eat.  Right now I am planning to do a shake for breakfast, a substantial "real food" lunch, a shake for dinner and my third one in the evening.  Or maybe not.  I am also upping my activity (with a Fitbit that I got on Friday) so I might land up being hungrier than I would think.  

In any case... so last night I went to a party where it was all appetizers.  We brought some and the other two couples brought some, all keeping in mind my food limitations.  Let me just say that I enjoyed every morsel, did not miss a bite, and was too full when I got home to have my second shake of the day.  We brought hommos (which I could not eat because of my sensitivity to sesame seeds which is what tahini is made out of), foul M'dammas (which is fava beans and which was absolutely wonderful), spinach pie (which I did not eat), guacamole (which I could eat), and babaghanoush without the tahini (so grilled eggplant with lemon and garlic).  Other things that I could eat were grilled chicken legs, crudites, and a wonderful paleo risotto made with cauliflower, and fresh strawberries and pineapple.  There were only a few things that I could not eat. 

What is the harm in having "just one"?  I had a nice long running conversation with myself and said I would only be fooling or hurting myself to go off the list of allowed foods.  Like, why bother if I am not going to do this right.  Then I thought of my granddaughter, who is making her appearance in June, and said not only am I doing this for myself, but for my children and grandchildren.  And that stopped the pouting.

.... That and the fact that I am already almost at the end of week one, with ONLY three more weeks to go.  The worst of it is the following 10 days when the list of allowable food is really pared down, but I am determined to see this through.

Miriam

Day 4

So I was worried about constipation?  Not an issue.  'nuff said lol.

I have had no appetite beyond having the shakes - as I scraped my lunch into the trash I was thinking that this is what gastric bypass patients must feel like.  Not a problem but I worry what will become of my life without my total focus on food! LOL  Since this is just a month long I don't think I have to worry about it forever, but it really has caused me to think about people who just don't think about food.  Worse yet are the people you see who just push the food around on their plates without eating. I look upon them like they are aliens.

I am an alien.

Miriam

Day 3

Hooray - no headache today!   A bit tired and draggy but without the headache I feel very hopeful that I will start to have more energy as my body adjusts to no caffeine. I had a shake for breakfast on the way work today.  It satisfied my habit of having something hand to mouth in the car - since I am not even having morning coffee...  I know a lot of people do not allow food in the car, but with such a LONG boring commute, I find it helpful to have breakfast - or at least coffee - in the car.  Anyway - the great part about the shake for breakfast was that I went to my PT appointment at 1 and didn't have my lunch until 2!  I did have a couple of pieces of fruit and plenty of water during the morning but I was shocked that I wasn't hungry!

I have been drinking a lot of water and other than a brief moment last night when I almost cried because I missed my coffee/soda, I have been okay during the day.  I also did a first!  I gave up bottled salad dressings more years ago than I can even remember but I never liked my salad with lemon.  I have been instructed not to use  vinegar because the dietitian wants my body to become more Ph Balanced so I can use lemon but not vinegar.  The dietitian said that I would be going to the bathroom (poop!) a lot but so far nada - so I thought maybe it was because I haven't had any salad in three days, so I bit the bullet and had it today with lemon.  Not bad!  I tossed in the olive oil first, then added a small spoon of freshly squeezed lemon.  I think I am going to NOT miss vinegar! 

So it is 3:30 and I just finished lunch - last night I didn't even have dinner - I had a small bowl of tossed almonds, pecans, sunflower seeds and coconut.  Probably no more or less calories than if I had a "real" dinner, but it was what I wanted and craved (I am thinking I needed some fats) and then around 9 I had my second shake.  My husband roasted some chicken for me for dinner (I was lucky enough to find pasture raised chicken yesterday) but if I don't want it I will have it for lunch or breakfast tomorrow and just have my second shake for dinner tonight.  I am up to two scoops of the powder so it really is filling.  I think tomorrow I "graduate" to 2 scoops THREE times a day.  I can't imagine that I am going to want to eat much even though these are not technically meal substitutes and are not meant to be.

But, the best part is that today I spoke to my physical therapist about the possibility of doing a 5K race in May.  She said WHY NOT???  And then I realized that although I want to get better (in a vague sort of way) I have neglected to give myself any concrete goals.  So I am officially in training for a race!  Heck I will be happy to go at a slow stroll and finish -- but that is a valid goal, too, since I can barely walk 1/2 mile without back pain!  

Color me hopeful today! :)

Miriam

Day 2

Well so far so good - lol - but seriously, lately I haven't lasted 24 hours on a directed (what I mean by directed is someone else telling me what I can and cannot eat!) eating plan.  I am so happy that I had already made the switch to gluten-free then to Paleo over the past several months because it makes this adventure a breeze.  I'm not asked to give up anything I already don't eat.  I don't want to worry about Day 7, when my meat options for protein are off the books, and I have to turn to fish only (and legumes if I so choose). 

For breakfast I had kafta wrapped up in lettuce leaves and some pineapple slices.  32 oz of water on my way to work.  What is so miraculous is that I didn't even have the urge to pee until I get to work - which is such a new experience (and yesterday too).  When I am having my coffee and/or diet cola I have to stop 2-3 times before I get to work and then I still barely make it to the bathroom in time.  All these years I have known that caffeine is the major culprit with my problem but I never forced myself to totally cut it out.  Having said that, I'm still not sure that I will stay off caffeine once this detox is done. Maybe after 30 days of freedom I might change my mind.

I was hungry mid-morning but I wanted to save my two shakes for  afternoon and evening snacks so I had some cut pineapple and one of the chicken legs that I packed for lunch.  I was smart today and packed two!  So for lunch I had a chicken leg, sweet potato, Swiss chard and more water.  I also had a couple of mugs of the herbal tea that I discovered yesterday.  

Regarding the shakes - I stopped at Trader Joe's on the way in to buy some frozen berries to add to it this afternoon like I had it last night.  I cannot begin to say how delicious this shake is and I can't wait till day 9 when they go up to 3 a day!  Right now I am making it with unsweetened almond milk but when that is cut out at day 7 I will make it with water.  However, I don't expect much of a change because it is the shake itself that is so good, not the almond milk.  

This evening I am going to stop by Whole Foods to pick up some fish for dinner tonight and tomorrow.  If the sole is still on sale I will get that, as the fish I bought Tuesday I already have portioned out and frozen for breakfasts.  I don't absolutely love salmon but if they have a nice wild caught selection I will get it. Every time I am at Whole Foods I look for wild caught trout.  That is a rare find - I had it a couple of times and really it is wonderful. I also want to make another batch of Swiss chard so will get that too.  

I woke up without the headache but it is sort of nagging now, but much less than yesterday.  My hubby keeps asking how I am feeling - I don't know how I am going to feel having gone through this - I never really have gastro-intestinal problems so I am not looking for those to subside, my skin is nice (IMHO) so that isn't something that is going to improve, etc.  But I have no doubt that the changes will be things that I may or may not feel - however, maybe I only think I feel okay because the way I am is the only way I know!  I have seen pictures, though, of people who have gone through a detox like this and there are perceptible changes in their looks (not all of them have to do with weight loss!) and they all say they FEEL great!  

So I am not questioning this - just trusting the process.  Meanwhile, after (or rather during) Day 2 I have no complaints except the caffeine withdrawal headache - but that even points out the fact that I really was drinking WAY too much and it is a good idea to cut it down and/or out anyway - detox or not.

Looking forward to my shakes! 

Miriam

Ending the day with a headache...

Well in all fairness, I am also struggling with a pair of eyeglasses that have not been right since I got them last June.  This is the second time they have been done and they are still wrong.  I did a lot of reading today. I think the headache is mostly that.  However, when I got up this morning, the first words out of my mouth were "Damn it - no coffee today."  So maybe that's a little bit of it too.

Last night before coming home I did a major shopping trip to Whole Foods.  Right now my protein choices besides wild caught fish include free roaming (i.e., grass fed, pasture raised,etc.) lamb, chicken, turkey and game (which I am not fond of).  They had all sorts of grass fed lamb so I got ground lamb and lamb shanks and chicken legs.  Then went to the fish counter and got wild caught sole.  TONS of vegetables and beautiful fruit - I even treated myself to some peaches - out of season so I didn't hold up much hope but it was so sweet and juicy I am glad I treated myself.  When I got home I cooked up a storm so I would have plenty available today.

My food choices were so delicious today.  Some of you may turn up your nose but this morning I had sole and a wonderful Swiss chard recipe that I made last night so it would be ready this morning.  Then for lunch I had baked chicken legs, sweet potato and another serving of chard and fresh watermelon.  Mid-day I had my first shake  -- not too bad actually!  When I walked through the door after work I was hungry so headed for fruit that my husband prepared for me - fresh pineapple and melon.  He also prepared kafta for me (ground lamb with all sorts of goodness in it - fresh parsley, onions, pecans, spices) so I had that with another chicken leg and some fruit.  I was too tired and too hungry to cook some broccoli and cauliflower that I also could have had for dinner.  So as you can see, I had plenty to eat today.  Tomorrow I will plan a little better so I won't be so hungry when coming home.  Maybe I will make a shake to have in the car on the way home (yes, I have a blender in the office lol).

While I was waiting for my computer to update just now I made another shake - this time with some frozen fruit.  OMG it is so delicious I am actually looking forward to having it tomorrow!  The gal who was in charge of the  Visions apothecary said she actually has one every morning - and nothing to do with detox.  I was reading the ingredients myself and I if I have this every day I can throw out my multivitamins!     Right now I am building up on the shakes but once they are full 2-scoop servings I might have one for breakfast instead of for a snack... we'll see.

  I did pack away my espresso machine and milk aerator so that I wouldn't be tempted to make cappuccino. Much to my surprise I found an herbal tea that is so spicy that it needs no sweetener at all.  All these years I had never found an herbal tea that I could drink without sweetener - and even with sweetener I wouldn't like it - and so I was just delighted - it is "Bengal Spice" by Bigelow.  I think I had better take out stock in the company and then start buying it! I am not saying that I will never unpack my coffee supplies, but I think this is going to be more smooth sailing once I get going (and get rid of this headache!).

I spent some more time looking at the program booklet.  I have a pretty wide range of foods for days 1-6.  On day 7 I have less choice, mostly in the protein department, but I think I will do okay.  I had cut out legumes (lentils and beans) while doing the Whole 30/Paleo, but they are encouraged as a protein source on this program.  Plus, my food sensitivity tests showed a sensitivity only to lima beans (!) and not other legume choices, so I will add them in slowly as needed for protein sources.  Surprisingly white rice is also allowed.  I asked about that since the nutritional wisdom is that white rice is not a preferred grain, but the dietitian said that for this detox they are trying to stick with things that are gentle on the digestive system.  Meanwhile you don't have to eat everything that is allowed, so I am not sure about the rice.  We'll see.  I still have free will even though it is a program! LOL

So Day 1 has been a success even with the headache.  She told me to expect the headache at the beginning (DUH... I've given up caffeine before so I was not surprised!) so I am not concerned by it.

Can't believe I am going to bed looking forward to my shakes tomorrow!

Nite!
Miriam

oh my oh my oh my

Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.
- Joanne Kathleen

Just got back from the dietitian and wanted to report things as clearly as I remember them.

First of all, some - but not all - foods that I have already eliminated because of Paleo eating were on the sensitivity list.  Most (except gluten and corn, I think) can be slowly reintroduced somewhere down the line.  She said she can work with me on a "modified Paleo" food plan - but that is WAY down the line.  Other foods that I did not expect on the sensitivity list were dairy, mushrooms, cottage cheese (which for some reason is a separate category from dairy!), cashews, and many others. Not all were in the same category so I guess the ones lower down can be reintroduced earlier or eaten not every day.  Case in point: Avocado is a category 1 (while corn is a category 3) and it is something I eat EVERYDAY.  I can still have it but maybe only a 2-3 times during the week.  Other foods (such as certain fruits) I do not have a sensitivity to but they are really bad for my glucose situation.  And, speaking of which, even though I have not had gluten or sugar in ages, my triglycerides are still close to 200 which she said absolutely baffles her, leading her to think that some of my out-of-whack numbers may very well be genetic.

Right now she wants me to start on a 28-day detox diet.  It will be shakes in addition to eating certain foods. It seems as though it can be complicated (i.e., certain foods allowed on days 1-6, others only on 7-10, etc,) but I am spending the afternoon sorting it all out.  The way she puts it is to think of the detox as scrubbing bubbles for me cells.  Once the fat cells are cleaned out they can then be collapsed by dieting.  I will always have them, but cleaning them out first will make me way less weight-loss resistant as I have thought I am.  (But the dieting and fat cells are beside the point - because of my levels of inflammation markers such a detox will also start to remove the toxins that are causing such high inflammation.)

The foods I can eat during this period is a HUGE list and I am sure I will not feel deprived at all - except since I cannot have dairy or sweeteners, I am sad to say I will have to say goodbye to my coffee since I do not drink it black. (I will have one last farewell cappuccino this afternoon...) I also have to drink 70-80 oz of "legal" liquid a day.  I'll manage - that is really just 3 24 oz bottles of water which is practically nothing in a day.  I just will miss my coffee and soda. 

She also said that she thinks I am not eating enough !!!!  Once the detox period is over we will sit and actually talk about meal plans in terms of quantity and what it is I am eating.  Right now the next 30 days are not about weight loss - just detoxing and eating healthy and not being hungry. She said though that it is not unusual for her patients to lose anywhere from 5 pounds to 30 pounds (hopefully I am in the latter category!). 

Joe went with me, which I am very grateful for, as this would have been WAY too much for me to explain.  Plus, I think it helped him to accept the detox phase instead of poo-pooing it as nonsense.  It did make him sad, though, that many of my favorite foods are off the list - but she is Lebanese herself and gave him great ideas for making things like tabouli, hommos, falafel, etc. safe for me to eat.  That was another reason I wanted him to go - to get good Lebanese cooking advice that would help me out.  He is thrilled, though, that fish is the number one protein during this period - I always hate when he bring home fish for dinner instead of a big juicy rib eye!  LOL

Anyway - I am going to try to blog about my experience daily - mostly so I can look back on it for my own reference. But also, so it will help anyone else out who is taking this route.  (http://newkneenewme.blogspot.com)

So that's the story!

Miriam

What does it all mean?

Determination, patience and courage are the only things needed to improve any situation.
- Peter Sinclair

 Okay, so this morning I had my yearly GYN appointment but at the same practice where I am switching everything over to, so she has access to all my blood work.  Getting answers will come from my appointment with the dietitian (April 1) and the follow up with my primary (April 10).  BUT she said she would tell me the biggies: EGGS, honey, corn, sesame, gluten, peas, beans, and legumes.  Except for eggs and sesame (in the form of tahini) I have already cut everything else out since following the Paleo auto-immune protocol.  BUT EGGS???  That is going to be a big thing for me.  But I am not going to worry just yet.  I don't know what it means to have a sensitivity:  Does the food have to be cut out, cut down, eaten only occasionally?  Oh no - my morning muffin made with flax and almond meals...  what will become of that?  But I get ahead of myself.  I can certainly cut down on my own then get the final word from the dietitian.

I find it interesting that ALL the sensitivities (except for the sesame) are all foods to avoid not only on Paleo but on its auto-immune protocol list of foods to avoid.  So this shows that I was on the right path all along - even before I found these doctors and had the sensitivity tests.  Just goes to show that sometimes we just have to get quiet and listen to and trust ourselves.  

I think my quote today (above) absolutely sings to this new development.  All I need now is determination, patience and COURAGE to forge ahead and find my way along this new path set before me.  

OMG - so much to learn about myself - scarey and exciting all rolled into one!

Miriam

Define Prison

Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? ~Rumi


 I had a very interesting experience yesterday.  My dance troupe had its premier performance and after starting our day at 8AM we finally made it to lunch around 3.  We went to a wonderful Irish cafe where - had I wanted to - could have stayed entirely within Paleo/Primal boundaries.  But after saying I was not religiously wedded to that way of eating, and once in a while I can eat whatever I want (ha! picture a two-year old's temper tantrum), I ordered a New England clam chowder (probably loaded with flour and other gluten ingredients) followed by pulled pork plate (I did not take the bread, but the BBQ sauce I am sure had sugar, MSG, and other not-so-good ingredients, with sweet potato fries (sweet potatoes are fine but goodness knows what kind of oil they were fried in) and coleslaw.  Of course I ate some of the breaded fried onion rings (with ketchup) that the other two gals ordered.  

As soon as I finished my meal I told them - if I ever want to eat like that again REMIND ME to stick to my plan.  Not only was I uncomfortable, but I was sick all night with heartburn and a headache, not to mention terribly dehydrated from eating such salted foods.  I still had remnants of heartburn today.

So it made me think - which is the prison: Not eating like I used to or keeping myself in bad health because I do?  I suppose along with the saying "Pick your poison" we can add "Pick your prison."  

I think this all ties in with my feelings about acceptance.  I must accept the fact that I cannot eat the way I did yesterday and still have the health that I want.  I think the worse prison is to keep myself in ill health and to fight acceptance of my truth: that regardless of what my food sensitivity tests may show, I cannot eat with abandon.  Doing so keeps me in a prison of ill health.  

I don't know how many times I will go through the revolving door that this prison seems to have, but I hope this was the last time (but I know it won't be).  It actually has nothing to do with will power.  Will power doesn't mean that I have come to acceptance.  It actually means that I haven't and that I am fighting it.  I want to come to the point where I will look at a restaurant menu, and just quietly know and accept that something like seared ahi and a salad will bring me good feelings and keep my on the other side of the ill-health prison doors, while eating pulled pork and onion rings will put me right back in.  Rather than fight a fight of will power with the warden,  it would be nice to  just walk by the prison - maybe many years down the road I won't even see it anymore.

Anyway - I am barely hungry today and I am honing right in on that.  Along with good choices I am working on paying attention to my body's signals of empty and full, and trying to find the sweet spot right in the middle.  In all honesty, if I had done that yesterday I probably wouldn't have been sick - but that type of food makes me want to ignore the signals, so it is best not to start what I cannot stop.

Here's to staying out of prison!

Miriam

Pity Party: BE GONE!

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
- M. Kathleen Casey

I was just so blue yesterday... probably many other things going on than just being sad that I have to accept so many changes in my life.  I almost even came back in and deleted the post (but I fell asleep thinking about it) when I thought of my friend in NY who has accepted and given up so much more in her life than I ever will have to.  But I was reminded, too, of something a friend - who is in a wheelchair following a horrific accident that killed her fiance many years ago - said to me:  "My pain is my pain and your pain is your pain.  It is not a competition.  You don't have to have tremendous suffering compared to someone else to feel that you aren't entitled to your experience."  However, I then think of my father's favorite saying: "I used to complain that I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet."  So I guess, taking both views into account, I can find middle ground.  Yes: I'm blue, I'm feeling sorry for myself, I'm grieving and angry... but I'll get over it!

Pity party be gone!  Let's see what I CAN eat.  Well, almost anything, really!  There.  That feels better!  A friend asked me yesterday what I miss the most about having taken the gluten-free, then Paleo path.  I had to answer, sincerely, NOTHING.  If I really wanted to, I could bake plenty - cookies, breads, sweets - anything can be "paleotized".  I just am not doing that because I don't see the point of substituting one high calorie item for another high calorie item.  However, if I really have a craving for something, it can be done.  I also noted that after my food sensitivity tests are back and I meet with the dietitian I might be inclined to add some things back.  I know, however, that gluten-free is for life.  On the other hand, I do not suffer immediately when I do eat something with gluten, so there is room for having something of that nature without beating myself up over it.

I had the most unusual breakfast today and I loved it so much I can't wait to have it again and again.  I had chopped liver wrapped in Paleo wraps with lettuce. I also had my daily 1/2 avocado on the side and some fruit.  If you had told me - even last week - that this would be a favorite breakfast I would have said you are NUTS!  I was a little hungrier than usual afterwards because it did not have the fiber of my breakfast muffins, but an apple took care of that.  I might have two wraps tomorrow.  The extra protein will more than help hold me over.  Then I can halve my muffin and make that a mind-morning snack instead of my full breakfast.  

I might get the hang of this after all, without the need to color me BLUE!

Meanwhile I made my husband a shopping list with all the veggies you see on the wallpaper of this blog.  He goes to a great farm to get everything.  I usually enjoy the trip with him but I have a full day tomorrow with a dress rehearsal for my dance troupe (we have a performance on Tuesday!) and I would like the veggies in the house before Sunday, which is the other day that I would have gone shopping.  I took yesterday's post to heart and this morning before leaving for work I took out a couple of my (new) favorite cookbooks and noticed how exhilarated I was just looking through recipes and thinking about what to cook.  With hubby's trip to the farm I'll have everything I need - but I won't necessarily have to use everything right away.  (With the farm fresh quality, produce lasts for more than a week even without preservatives.)  Somehow it is comforting just to have the ability to cook to my heart's content even if I don't.  

Anyway... have a great weekend.  I tend not to blog on the weekends because I prefer to do it from my office desk, even though I have the same computing abilities at home.  I will see you Monday!

Miriam 

Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. ~Rumi

Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. ~Rumi

I thought I knew it ALL about what to eat for good health.  I was the cleverest of the clever! But I am learning so much from reading about auto-immune diseases that spills out into all areas of health and well-being.

I had my liver last night - oh my gosh ... it was SO good.  Wait? Did *I* say that? LOL  And on the way home I stopped at a health food store that sells Julian bread products and picked up the Paleo wraps and two loaves of the Paleo bread - one coconut flour and one almond flour.  After all, I needed to spread my chopped liver on something!  Jury is out on the bread.  I will toast up a slice of each and have it with some butter and then I'll give you my opinion.  But the original purpose was served well - a vehicle for my liver! LOL  I can do without bread in general, so I don't want to start up the habit of having it when normally I would not, but it is nice to have an option.  After seeing the prices for the wraps and the bread I might reconsider making my own (of both).   

So I came home today after spending 3 hours at the beauty salon.  I had packed and eaten lunch on my way there so I was all set.  When I got out I was hungry and couldn't wait to get home to have some soup ... which I did.  I'm full.  I'm sad.
Why? I look gorgeous - that's not the reason ;)

I just realized that - in line with my blog on acceptance - I am dealing with the fact that I don't have my usual familiar behavior to make me comfortable.  First of all, I was VERY aware that I did not go from the salon to one of the malls to spend money I don't have on things I don't need.  That particular behavior I have been working on for YEARS, and I no longer get the mindless exhilaration that I used to get from mindless shopping.  Mindless eating had taken over.  But now I do not have mindless eating.  And I feel I have been left with nothing.  Except sadness.   I am learning to accept this.

I also have been thinking for quite some time - but most recently this morning - that I do not need to eat the quantity of food that I am used to.  What does this mean?  I also don't need to cook the quantity of food that I used to.  I don't have a big enough freezer to put away all the portions I would have to put away if I kept cooking at the rate and quantity that I had been doing up until recently.  I made my shopping list for next week then crossed out all but the ingredients needed for one meal, and ketchup.  That sort of made me sad.  For those of you who know me you know I love to cook - and a lot at one time.  That is out of my life now.  I must accept.

It seems I am losing too much without having seen the gain from it yet (good health).  It is hard to function on blind faith.  But I have to keep remembering:  Faith, Acceptance, and, as above, the joy of bewilderment. 

Please pray for me that I do not turn to food in my state of melancholy and sadness.  Pray that I find something to fill the emptiness.  Pray that acceptance becomes easier.

Miriam

 

Acceptance

Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.
- Joanne Kathleen

 I have been struggling a lot with acceptance lately.  Part of it has been the acceptance that I cannot have sugar in my life and have the life that I want.  (Not necessarily because of any intrinsic awfulness with sugar - but I get crazed when I eat it especially in combination with white flour - as in cookies, cakes, pastries, etc.) I cannot eat the way I used to (either in quantity or food choices) and have health.  I am working through the various stages of grief as I have been giving up these things, but that is not the acceptance that I am talking about here in this post.  

I am talking about an acceptance of physical limitations.  This morning I had an appointment with the osteopath and Visions Health Care and in our (more-than-an-hour) appointment the final wind-up was that she said to me that she will never be an NFL football player, but she loves football and loves to play with her kids.  Her point was that I might never walk 5 miles a day again, especially at the speed I used to do it.  But that does not mean that I have to give up walking 1 mile a day at a slow speed.  What I got from the conversation is that because I have not come to a point of acceptance with my limitations (as they are now) that I have thrown out the baby with the bath water, so to speak, and have reached a point where I have all but given up on everything.  I even hurt myself when I took a yoga class!  

My plan of action right now is to go ahead with the spine injections that my other osteopath encouraged me to get.  She said that all tests show that my nerve endings are very tender and inflamed, and that I cannot get any quality work done (exercise or PT) until the inflammation goes down.  Then I must also have a course of PT working on core exercises.  Once I am stronger and the nerves have quieted down then she can work on manipulation that will, as she said, "put everything back where it belongs."
But if she does that manipulation now it won't stick.

So I have my PT evaluation scheduled for next week, and am waiting to hear back from the spine clinic for an appointment with that doctor.

The other element of acceptance - and which I think is absolutely the hardest for me - is that I have to to WORK at this.  That means when PT ends, my exercising does NOT.  I have never followed through with an exercise or physical therapy program in my life.  I am surprised that I became such an accomplished dancer - I must have been able to follow through on some physical activity at some point in my life! Believe me, I have had intentions of doing things - my library of exercise DVDs, exercise ball, trampoline, elliptical, treadmill and exercise bikes (yes I said BIKES - both standard and recumbent) attest to that.  But intention is not acceptance that I ACTUALLY have to do the work.  I suppose that is what I miss most about walking - my own two feet and nothing else shaped me up.  While I have to accept that those days may be over, other days are not...

Anyway - I am on my way this afternoon to get Paleo wraps.  I actually did make chopped liver (this morning - 7:30 AM frying liver and onions so I would have it chilled for tonight) and hope that maybe it will go nicely in these wraps.  If where I am going also has the Paleo coconut bread I will get that as well and toast a couple of slices (only 35 calories a slice) because the chopped liver will taste better on that.  

OMG - liver and exercise... what's happening to me?????

Miriam

Learning to move from disease to ease

Yesterday I spoke of stepping stones and using your mistakes to lift you to higher ground.  When I read this quote yesterday, it brought the same feelings.  I know my issues are a mix of genetics, environment, lifestyle (including foods, exercise, sleep, etc.) but I have been moving away from feeling it is ALL my fault.  Why does another person, larger than I am, who gorges on transfats and doesn't eat a lick of vegetables have no issues at all with heart disease or diabetes or auto-immune function?  I am not quite comfortable in the mantra "It's not your fault, it's not your fault" because deep down I feel it is - however, I am learning more about genetics and predispositions to various diseases.  Yes, I might have genetic markers that predispose me to certain illnesses (and so it is not my fault) and I was raised in a lifestyle of pastries, fat-laden and calorie-laden foods (again, not my fault) and I was raised to turn to food in times of distress because as a little child that is all that I knew to soothe me (again, not my fault).  

If, after all I know now, I continue to have bad habits then the continuation of my illnesses is my fault. So, my friends, the buck stops here.  I am not blaming anyone - as Maya Angelou says, "When you know better you do better" - my parents raised me with love which equals fried latkes, strudel, challah, for example.  And I raised my children with love which meant the latest flavor of Hamburger Helper and Entemann's cupcakes - a different frosting for every holiday.  I don't blame my parents, and the time has come to not blame myself.  Now I know better and I will do better. 

In the book I am reading, The Paleo Approach: Reverse Autoimmune Disease and Heal your Body by Sarah Ballantyne,  the author relates how "Six different doctors, in five different cities, over eight years, and not one of them mentioned that my disease was autoimmune in nature."  Do we blame the doctors? Maybe yes, maybe no.  But I am not wasting my time with blame and resentment.  Valuable time was wasted, but I can start now to reverse this and heal myself. When I was told I have Hashimoto's Disease the doctor said "Oh well, we'll watch it and when your thyroid starts reacting to it we will put you on medication."  The fact that inflammation was never mentioned for any of my heart-related problems makes me angry - my very life could have depended upon this information. Never mind my arthritis.  When another doctor looked at an MRI of my back and announced "Well, Miriam, your middle name should be Arthritis" why didn't he instead say, "Well, Miriam, your middle name should be Inflammation" and start me at least 2 years earlier on a path that would reduce it?  

I can be angry and stew or I can look at it and repeat a popular Buddhist saying: When the student is ready the teacher will appear.  Maybe I wouldn't have been ready anyway even if all the doctors did tell me this years ago.  Who is to say?  Actually I did hear of Paleo years ago and maybe I just wasn't ready.  (But I stick to my story that NONE of the conventional doctors EVER said anything to me - not just that I did not hear it!)  

Anyway - to truly follow the lifestyle I must eat organ meats.  I can live with chopped liver and am going to pick up a pound of chicken liver from pasture-raised organic chickens on the way home today.  Poor chickens.  A topic for another day, but I do agree with the various traditions of saying a prayer over the slaughtered animals.  I have never said grace over a meal but I have started to do that. Not so much a generic "Thank you for the food we are about to receive" but to give thanks to the animals in my personal food chain...

Miriam

Stepping Stones

Well after a short hiatus from this blog it is time to return.  I had a "good time" at DWLZ joining a group in January doing the Whole 30, sharing recipes and experiences, but I am ready to return here.

The past two years have all been in preparation for where I find myself at this very minute.  I am not going to beat myself up that I did not arrive here sooner - I wasn't ready.  And besides, I had to learn about everything else: from the inner deepest depths of my evolution out of childhood issues to learning about Paleo, Primal, and anti-inflammatory eating.

I have become a patient at a new medical practice, Visions Health Care,  and am working with doctors who practice functional medicine.  I was first introduced to functional medicine about a year ago, and that slowly led me on the path to where I am now.

I have been sugar-free and gluten-free since last May and November, respectively.  And now that my doctor has run dozens and dozens of blood tests (only a few which I have seen so far - they are still coming in, and many I will get at my follow-up appointments in April) I am ready to cut many more things out of my diet. The initial test results show that I have a very high level of inflammation in my body (which accounts not just for the usual arthritis issues, but also has been linked to heart disease - something for which I am not immune) and am going to start to take steps toward reversing that.

I also had a food sensitivity panel done (which will not be available until April) but given the level of inflammation in my body, it is a safe bet to say that there will be many culprits on the list.  Visions Health Care is a very strong proponent of gluten-free eating, as they have seen many diseases and conditions that stem from eating wheat.  I am so grateful that I have already eliminated any sources of gluten from my diet so that is one less hurdle for me. 

But eating gluten-free is only one of all the puzzle pieces that I have to put together to reduce the inflammation in my body.  There are SO many other things that I have to learn and practice and DO. It isn't one food group to eat or to avoid.  It isn't one supplement that will take care of everything.  It isn't one of anything that is going to reverse this.  But I am so grateful that I have an open mind and a willing spirit to find out what needs to be done, then do it.  

I absolutely refuse to give into the pain and the fatigue and the looming threat of illnesses.  I refuse to live my life with a cabinet full of pharmaceuticals.  I refuse to stay with a conventional medical practice that has the "oh well" or "wait and see" attitude.  

I also refuse to be scared to try new things and to be obstinate about new ways of eating.  I will do what I have to do.  

I choose health. I choose to do it the way it is prescribed for me, knowing that it is not everyone's path, but it is mine.  

Miriam