Just a quick observation. My husband and I were having football snacks yesterday that included a nice warm loaf of fresh pita bread. When the hommos was gone there was a teeny-tiny piece of pita bread still left from the loaf. He put it back in the bag. I just looked at him and really thought about this. I would have finished it just to finish it. He's thin. I'm fat.
Feeling a bit better. I feel as though I have been punched in the abdomen - I think my body is still recovering from the assault it took on Friday. I truly believe it was a medication side-effect, although my sister-in-law, who has been through it all, thinks it was a full-blown diverticulitis attack (as I have diverticulosis). She thinks I should see the doctor even though the worst has passed. I have a colonoscopy scheduled in a few weeks so I will just ask the doctor then. Also, if it was a diverticulitis attack there will be remnant inflammation to compare to the last colonoscopy.
However.... that being said... I promise I will see the doctor if I still feel beat up at the end of the week.
All I can say to myself is.... STEP AWAY FROM THE BREAD!
Monday, January 14, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Bargaining with God
Yesterday (with remnants today) I was so sick. It seems to have been a reaction to the medication I was taking for my back. I had abdominal gas with no relief. It had started up two weeks ago (when I started the medication) and my doctor put me on Prilosec, and on my own I took enzyme tabs, herbal tea and Gas-X. All to no avail. When I got up yesterday morning I knew I was in trouble, but went to work anyway. I could barely make it till noon and then traveled home very carefully with my cell phone by my side. I hadn't eaten anything since the day before (and also had discontinued the medication after my lunch dose the day before).
So here I am sick as a dog (and where does that expression come from, by the way - I will have to look it up!) no gas in and no gas out - just THERE. I'm shaking, I have the chills, I'm even hungry. I start to think - that's it. Even though it wasn't food that caused this, it made me think that I need to change my ways. Maybe I have to have very tiny meals. Eat only healthy food. Nibble. Never eat. If I could feel well again I would never go off a diet. As a matter of fact I wouldn't even need a diet because I would eat sensibly for the rest of my life.
But the bigger bargain with God came when my dear husband insisted that a hot bath would move the gas (he was wrong by the way). But I was do desperate I humored him. I often shower with my husband (TMI, I know) and so I'm not terribly squeamish about being naked around him, but something about being in that tub just shook me to the core. Because of my knee I really need assistance getting up and down and so could not manage the tub without his help. I told him I wanted to get into the tub with my clothes on- or at least cover myself with a towel. (I did neither.) I said I didn't want him to see me naked - that I felt so exposed. He was a bit taken aback. He loves me and my body in any shape and form and was quite shocked that I was practically beside myself. As I laid down in the tub I said that I just felt so exposed and blubbery laying there. I bargained that if I ever felt well again I would never go off a diet. As a matter of fact I wouldn't even need a diet because I would eat sensibly for the rest of my life. (Hmm... where have I heard that before?)
So I got up this morning marginally better and ready to eat. I took a nibble. A couple of hours later, another nibble. I feel bolting coming upon me.... I feel the "I can do it better" coming upon me... I feel "dieting isn't the answer" coming upon me.... I feel "I don't need to keep track of anything" coming upon me. I feel "focusing on food is not the answer to letting my obsession go" coming upon me.
But then I come to my senses and realize that my bargain is just being gifted with the realization of how important a healthy digestive system. In order to have it in good working order means a balanced intake of nutrients and calories. It means taking in healthy food and water and moving my body in ways that keep my muscles and bones and internal organs as healthy and strong as possible. It does not mean never eating again. Only nibbling. Bolting and letting nature take its course.
So out comes the tracker. And the challenge is renewed as to how I can make this diet not a diet. So far so good.. no cramps. Of course my back might start hurting again but now that I've seen the other side of what medication does, I'll deal with it. It may speed up my route to taking the shots, but meanwhile I'm not taking a thing. Only good healthy food. ...in healthy portions!
You haven't been ready to make that bargain until you've been in an "I've fallen and can't get up" situation - all blubbery and wet and helpless. Sigh.... I can live with the wet and helpless, but sure would like to get rid of the blubbery in this coming year! LOL
So here I am sick as a dog (and where does that expression come from, by the way - I will have to look it up!) no gas in and no gas out - just THERE. I'm shaking, I have the chills, I'm even hungry. I start to think - that's it. Even though it wasn't food that caused this, it made me think that I need to change my ways. Maybe I have to have very tiny meals. Eat only healthy food. Nibble. Never eat. If I could feel well again I would never go off a diet. As a matter of fact I wouldn't even need a diet because I would eat sensibly for the rest of my life.
But the bigger bargain with God came when my dear husband insisted that a hot bath would move the gas (he was wrong by the way). But I was do desperate I humored him. I often shower with my husband (TMI, I know) and so I'm not terribly squeamish about being naked around him, but something about being in that tub just shook me to the core. Because of my knee I really need assistance getting up and down and so could not manage the tub without his help. I told him I wanted to get into the tub with my clothes on- or at least cover myself with a towel. (I did neither.) I said I didn't want him to see me naked - that I felt so exposed. He was a bit taken aback. He loves me and my body in any shape and form and was quite shocked that I was practically beside myself. As I laid down in the tub I said that I just felt so exposed and blubbery laying there. I bargained that if I ever felt well again I would never go off a diet. As a matter of fact I wouldn't even need a diet because I would eat sensibly for the rest of my life. (Hmm... where have I heard that before?)
So I got up this morning marginally better and ready to eat. I took a nibble. A couple of hours later, another nibble. I feel bolting coming upon me.... I feel the "I can do it better" coming upon me... I feel "dieting isn't the answer" coming upon me.... I feel "I don't need to keep track of anything" coming upon me. I feel "focusing on food is not the answer to letting my obsession go" coming upon me.
But then I come to my senses and realize that my bargain is just being gifted with the realization of how important a healthy digestive system. In order to have it in good working order means a balanced intake of nutrients and calories. It means taking in healthy food and water and moving my body in ways that keep my muscles and bones and internal organs as healthy and strong as possible. It does not mean never eating again. Only nibbling. Bolting and letting nature take its course.
So out comes the tracker. And the challenge is renewed as to how I can make this diet not a diet. So far so good.. no cramps. Of course my back might start hurting again but now that I've seen the other side of what medication does, I'll deal with it. It may speed up my route to taking the shots, but meanwhile I'm not taking a thing. Only good healthy food. ...in healthy portions!
You haven't been ready to make that bargain until you've been in an "I've fallen and can't get up" situation - all blubbery and wet and helpless. Sigh.... I can live with the wet and helpless, but sure would like to get rid of the blubbery in this coming year! LOL
Monday, January 7, 2013
Keeping your eye on the goal
It's funny how you find blog topics. I was out for my walk today when I visually saw mine.
I decided to take the return trip from my walk down an alley between two buildings. It's a half-mile but from one end of the alley where I enter I can see, as if it is RIGHT in front of me, the building to which I am going. It makes the walk seem SO much shorter. Seeing this visual cue gives me a direct goal to reach for. So it got me to thinking about my approaches to weight loss.
Whenever anyone has said that he/she wants to lose x-amount of pounds a week, I ALWAYS say - "That is ridiculous - you cannot command your body to do anything. Just follow the program and your body will lose at its own rate." I still believe that, but I realized today that this attitude has also kept me from obtaining goals because I have had none. Yes, the immediate goal is to stay on a weight-loss program, but I never had a resultant goal. If I lost weight that would be a bonus. If I went down in size that would be a bonus. If my blood-work numbers improved that would be a bonus. But I never saw these as goals themselves, and that always kept my motivation rather weak and murky. Sticking to a weight-loss program just never provided the end goal in and of itself that I need to see down that 1/2-mile alley to where I am going.
I don't want to over-analyze this - did I think these goals are not possible for me? that I am not worthy of them? that I have no faith in myself? etc.? The point is that I never verbalized far goals. I am seeing my doctor again in six months. I want to be down 20 pounds from where I am this morning. I want my blood sugar to be under 100. I want my glucose ratio to be under 6.0. I want my triglycerides to be under 150. I want to be able to walk 2 miles without back pain.
And through this all I am going to eat for health, not just for weight loss. I was remembering back to a couple of years ago- I was never so sick in my life as when I was eating for weight loss and not health. I ate so much processed garbage in the name of low points it took me months to straighten out my digestive system. I have enough problems right now, thank you, with my digestive system. I am on a very strong anti-inflammatory that is making me so bloated I feel like I am going to explode. I am taking counter-active measures (enzyme pills and digestive teas) but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I was able to walk .2 of a mile today before my back started whispering to me, and .5 before it started really complaining, and .8 before it started yelling. So I know the anti-inflammatory is working. But, if I can't take the side effects I might have to consider the cortisone/lidacaine shots in my back.
Anyhoo.... I am daring to have goals in this new year. I spoke them aloud. I put them here. I can see the weight loss program as the alley - but the goals as the building all that way down in front of me.
Miriam
I decided to take the return trip from my walk down an alley between two buildings. It's a half-mile but from one end of the alley where I enter I can see, as if it is RIGHT in front of me, the building to which I am going. It makes the walk seem SO much shorter. Seeing this visual cue gives me a direct goal to reach for. So it got me to thinking about my approaches to weight loss.
Whenever anyone has said that he/she wants to lose x-amount of pounds a week, I ALWAYS say - "That is ridiculous - you cannot command your body to do anything. Just follow the program and your body will lose at its own rate." I still believe that, but I realized today that this attitude has also kept me from obtaining goals because I have had none. Yes, the immediate goal is to stay on a weight-loss program, but I never had a resultant goal. If I lost weight that would be a bonus. If I went down in size that would be a bonus. If my blood-work numbers improved that would be a bonus. But I never saw these as goals themselves, and that always kept my motivation rather weak and murky. Sticking to a weight-loss program just never provided the end goal in and of itself that I need to see down that 1/2-mile alley to where I am going.
I don't want to over-analyze this - did I think these goals are not possible for me? that I am not worthy of them? that I have no faith in myself? etc.? The point is that I never verbalized far goals. I am seeing my doctor again in six months. I want to be down 20 pounds from where I am this morning. I want my blood sugar to be under 100. I want my glucose ratio to be under 6.0. I want my triglycerides to be under 150. I want to be able to walk 2 miles without back pain.
And through this all I am going to eat for health, not just for weight loss. I was remembering back to a couple of years ago- I was never so sick in my life as when I was eating for weight loss and not health. I ate so much processed garbage in the name of low points it took me months to straighten out my digestive system. I have enough problems right now, thank you, with my digestive system. I am on a very strong anti-inflammatory that is making me so bloated I feel like I am going to explode. I am taking counter-active measures (enzyme pills and digestive teas) but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I was able to walk .2 of a mile today before my back started whispering to me, and .5 before it started really complaining, and .8 before it started yelling. So I know the anti-inflammatory is working. But, if I can't take the side effects I might have to consider the cortisone/lidacaine shots in my back.
Anyhoo.... I am daring to have goals in this new year. I spoke them aloud. I put them here. I can see the weight loss program as the alley - but the goals as the building all that way down in front of me.
Miriam
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)