LOL - I've taken some time off from blogging about the daily assignments although I have been incorporating them daily, but loosely. By this I mean that I have been following the assignments but not writing down the results in the workbook. Last Saturday I went out to lunch and did the "clean plate" exercises and the "eat reasonable amounts" lessons. I had lunch with a girlfriend at Legal Seafood and I cannot believe it, but we split a salad and split a dessert, and our lunch plates were just that - lunch plates with "lunch portions" (built-in reasonable amount) - and I left some of the yummiest roasted vegetables in a creamy leek sauce behind on my plate. It wasn't more than a tablespoon, but I was so aware of the magnetic force of it - as if my fork was being drawn to that last bit on the dish.
And that's what I was trying to say the other day. A lot of these exercises, for me, just point out the power that food has over me, and how little power I have over the food. For me, it's not a matter of portioning out the exact amount I'm allowed and then finishing it or not wasting it. For me it's finishing the food, but then not wanting to go for more - not because I have not been satisfied with what I have had, but because the magnetic pull of the food - once I have let it out of its cage - is so strong. Sometimes the magnet is so strong it doesn't even have to be pulling from an open package or pot or serving dish. The pull can come from a thick closed container deep in the dark recesses of my cabinet... I need to come to a point - not necessarily where I am stronger than the magnetic pull - but to a point where there is no longer a pull. Leaving behind that forkful of roasted vegetables was a step.
But what was funny is that I was obviously done eating. The waitress came by to take my dish and without even thinking about it I said to her "I'm done but I still need my plate." I didn't look at it or touch it again, but I wasn't ready to give it up. Where did that come from? lol It's not even as though I was aware of it or had some great conversation in my head. I just wasn't ready to give up my plate... She came by again and I said "I'm ready now. You can take my plate." Honestly, I hadn't even though about it until writing just now. It's almost as if that last bite on the plate still had power over me and when its power was released, I was ready to release it. Weird....
I have unfortunately had some really awful setbacks this past week at the gym. My rotator cuff must be inflamed because I cannot raise my left arm to my side above waist-level. This was the beginning of the end on the right side, so I am not doing any work on my shoulders - although I am trying to work other arm muscles that don't involve the shoulder. Then, most dreadful of all, is that my non-operated knee is about as bad as it has ever been, and my surgical knee is screaming as well. I have been cautious with any of the weight machines, but I have been enjoying the seated elliptical. However, it has a leg-press program (i.e., increasing the resistance for spurts during session) which I have been using, and the trainer thinks that I might have overworked my quadriceps tendon which pulls on the kneecap, which is what was bothering most. However, in addition to that, the medial meniscus on the non-operated leg I think is shot... (I know I already had a tear but it hadn't bothered me for years.)
It's like I can't catch a break... Tonight I start my "biggest loser-type" team at the Y. I was thinking of dropping out before I even got started, and I don't want to be a drag on my team-mates, but I figured that would be the old me. I think I can still forge ahead as long as I am careful. Besides, I am eating in a good way (lost 2.4 pounds this past week!) so even if I can't be helpful to my team in terms of pounds lost because of exercise, at least maybe I can contribute to pounds lost by my eating.
Sigh...
Miriam
Monday, February 27, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Facing fears
I have been a fan of Tony Robbins for years - before I even had cable or knew what shopping networks or infomercials were all about (which apparently are most people's introduction to Tony Robbins). Last night Oprah did a "Next Chapter" 2-hour episode on him, where she went to one of his 10-hour seminars, went through the fire walk, and then did an interview. It was one of the very few programs I recorded because I knew I would have to go back to it over and over again in order to absorb everything - even though I know practically all his stuff verbatim.
What I took away this time was how fear is what stands in our way to accomplish what we want most, and how we allow our "story" to keep us trapped. For me it means not that I am lazy or lack motivation when it comes to losing weight, it's that I fear losing weight or fear what I have to do in order to lose weight. Afraid? Won't it be wonderful to lose weight and reach my goal? Hmm... let me take a look.
What if I have all this loose skin when I lose weight (fear)?
What if I hate my body even more (fear)?
What if I really really miss eating whatever I want in whatever quantity I want (fear)?
What if it is hard work to maintain my weight (fear)?
What if, after losing weight, I still have to stay on cholesterol medication or still have knee problems (fear)?
What if I do lose weight, and I therefore lose my story and don't know who I am (fear)?
What if I find I do like exercises but hurt myself or can't keep up with it (fear)?
What if I find I hate exercise and still have to force myself to do it (fear)?
What if I lose my story and don't know who I am (fear)?
What if it's hard to find a totally new clothing style (fear)?
What if I lose my zest for eating (fear)?
What if I can't find anything else to calm me or fill me (fear)?
What if losing weight and being thin isn't all it's cracked up to be (fear)?
What if being thin does NOT taste better than food (fear)?
What if I lose weight and still have a fat face and a double chin (fear)?
Got the point? I do.
And what about my story? "I am a slow loser. I am never successful at keeping off weight even if I manage to lose a little. I am lazy. I give up. I am the fat one. I can't perform (as a dancer) like I used to because of my knees/weight/age. I can't stay away from sweets and goodies. I can't control myself. I can't stick with a diet.I get tired. I don't like to exercise. I never stick with any exercise long enough for it to make a permanent difference in my life. Etc." I don't know another story. I have let my history become my present and my future. I am afraid I will not be Miriam if I lose my story. FEAR.
Maybe it's not the salt and sugar or exhaustion or anger or anxiety or unlimited goodies available to me. Maybe it's just fear.
Tony also talks about the qualities that drive a person: Love/connection, certainty/comfort, significance, uncertainty/variety, service, and growth, and in the seminar asked people to pick their top two. Unfortunately the top two traits are often in contrast to each other. In my case, I think my top two are certainty and growth. But growth requires you to move into the field of uncertainty and variety - yet my top desire is certainty. I cannot have growth with certainty. Hence, fear of the unknown is keeping me from growing toward my goal of losing weight.
Too much to think about... but I must...
Miriam
What I took away this time was how fear is what stands in our way to accomplish what we want most, and how we allow our "story" to keep us trapped. For me it means not that I am lazy or lack motivation when it comes to losing weight, it's that I fear losing weight or fear what I have to do in order to lose weight. Afraid? Won't it be wonderful to lose weight and reach my goal? Hmm... let me take a look.
What if I have all this loose skin when I lose weight (fear)?
What if I hate my body even more (fear)?
What if I really really miss eating whatever I want in whatever quantity I want (fear)?
What if it is hard work to maintain my weight (fear)?
What if, after losing weight, I still have to stay on cholesterol medication or still have knee problems (fear)?
What if I do lose weight, and I therefore lose my story and don't know who I am (fear)?
What if I find I do like exercises but hurt myself or can't keep up with it (fear)?
What if I find I hate exercise and still have to force myself to do it (fear)?
What if I lose my story and don't know who I am (fear)?
What if it's hard to find a totally new clothing style (fear)?
What if I lose my zest for eating (fear)?
What if I can't find anything else to calm me or fill me (fear)?
What if losing weight and being thin isn't all it's cracked up to be (fear)?
What if being thin does NOT taste better than food (fear)?
What if I lose weight and still have a fat face and a double chin (fear)?
Got the point? I do.
And what about my story? "I am a slow loser. I am never successful at keeping off weight even if I manage to lose a little. I am lazy. I give up. I am the fat one. I can't perform (as a dancer) like I used to because of my knees/weight/age. I can't stay away from sweets and goodies. I can't control myself. I can't stick with a diet.I get tired. I don't like to exercise. I never stick with any exercise long enough for it to make a permanent difference in my life. Etc." I don't know another story. I have let my history become my present and my future. I am afraid I will not be Miriam if I lose my story. FEAR.
Maybe it's not the salt and sugar or exhaustion or anger or anxiety or unlimited goodies available to me. Maybe it's just fear.
Tony also talks about the qualities that drive a person: Love/connection, certainty/comfort, significance, uncertainty/variety, service, and growth, and in the seminar asked people to pick their top two. Unfortunately the top two traits are often in contrast to each other. In my case, I think my top two are certainty and growth. But growth requires you to move into the field of uncertainty and variety - yet my top desire is certainty. I cannot have growth with certainty. Hence, fear of the unknown is keeping me from growing toward my goal of losing weight.
Too much to think about... but I must...
Miriam
Friday, February 17, 2012
In need of a good blogging
I've had an interesting few days. My next lesson is "Nurturing Power of Food." I was going to skip this one until it was needed. The first assignment was: "Intentionally eat something that will help you feel better. Eliminate any thoughts of guilt or remorse as you eat this food. Write down what you ate and why you chose it." To me it seemed that it was a forced lesson if nothing was bothering me at the time. If I didn't need to feel better then what would be the point?
Then crash - something came up that brought (is bringing) stress into my life. So that night (Wednesday) I did find myself turning to food (what a surprise!). I was aware of the lesson and had a few bites of a couple of things and then realized that if I kept up with it nothing would be solved. But I didn't choose the food particularly mindfully - but I did notice that I went for sweet. My husband brought home some fig and sesame "jam" from Lebanon, and I went for the last of that - even with a spatula it didn't yield more than a tablespoon. Then I said - no I need more sweet. So I went to the honey, which I rarely if ever have, and maybe took a teaspoon of that. I did think of the lesson at hand (perfect timing) and although I didn't sit mindfully with the food I knew enough to stop. My husband had his stash of Girl Scout cookies in the bedroom but I didn't go for those. Crisis averted.
Then yesterday morning came. It was lunch day with my mom. I was okay in the morning, but had a sense of a binge coming on. I ate reasonably well at lunch but came back really "in need" of a binge. Just before leaving work I went to the office with the candy, and had a few pieces. Still the feeling. I had pretzels left from lunch and ate those all the way home. Didn't go to the gym. Went straight home and dove into bed and slept for an hour. Ate a mindless dinner. I have to say calorie for calorie it wasn't the worst dinner I could have had, but I'm not disturbed by my choice of food when something like this happens. I'm more disturbed by the behavior. I went to the GSC stash and had one. I was aware that I didn't even like the taste of it, and didn't have any more. (Normally I would have finished the box and then blamed it on the cat or something, if I could have.)
I was disappointed in myself that I didn't really do the lesson because it would have been a golden opportunity. I wish my house were as well dusted off as I seem to be lately... just got up this morning, packed a salad for lunch, and went to meet my trainer at the gym. Another day. Maybe another lesson learned... maybe not....
But I suppose maybe I did learn, because I'm reading the assignment now as I'm typing this. The second part of the exercise is: "After two bites, stop! Remind yourself that your needs have been met and eating more of the food won't increase your healing level. Then give away or toss whatever food is left." And really I did that but I didn't stop at one or two foods.
I know that I my reaction to stress is to eat. It's not that way for everyone, but it is for me. I have some very stressful things coming up in the next couple of week so I will try to be hyper-vigilant in making sure that I do not turn to food. Or, if I do, I will stick to the two bites. Of course it would be better to find something else, but right now, where I am, if food is it, at least I have to find ways to not make it as damaging. When I can get the two bites down to zero bites then I know I will have crossed through the door of not needing food any longer to calm and medicate me. The fact that I did not finish the cookies or the bag of pretzels or make make a bowl of cereal doused with sugar shows I may be almost there....
Miriam
Then crash - something came up that brought (is bringing) stress into my life. So that night (Wednesday) I did find myself turning to food (what a surprise!). I was aware of the lesson and had a few bites of a couple of things and then realized that if I kept up with it nothing would be solved. But I didn't choose the food particularly mindfully - but I did notice that I went for sweet. My husband brought home some fig and sesame "jam" from Lebanon, and I went for the last of that - even with a spatula it didn't yield more than a tablespoon. Then I said - no I need more sweet. So I went to the honey, which I rarely if ever have, and maybe took a teaspoon of that. I did think of the lesson at hand (perfect timing) and although I didn't sit mindfully with the food I knew enough to stop. My husband had his stash of Girl Scout cookies in the bedroom but I didn't go for those. Crisis averted.
Then yesterday morning came. It was lunch day with my mom. I was okay in the morning, but had a sense of a binge coming on. I ate reasonably well at lunch but came back really "in need" of a binge. Just before leaving work I went to the office with the candy, and had a few pieces. Still the feeling. I had pretzels left from lunch and ate those all the way home. Didn't go to the gym. Went straight home and dove into bed and slept for an hour. Ate a mindless dinner. I have to say calorie for calorie it wasn't the worst dinner I could have had, but I'm not disturbed by my choice of food when something like this happens. I'm more disturbed by the behavior. I went to the GSC stash and had one. I was aware that I didn't even like the taste of it, and didn't have any more. (Normally I would have finished the box and then blamed it on the cat or something, if I could have.)
I was disappointed in myself that I didn't really do the lesson because it would have been a golden opportunity. I wish my house were as well dusted off as I seem to be lately... just got up this morning, packed a salad for lunch, and went to meet my trainer at the gym. Another day. Maybe another lesson learned... maybe not....
But I suppose maybe I did learn, because I'm reading the assignment now as I'm typing this. The second part of the exercise is: "After two bites, stop! Remind yourself that your needs have been met and eating more of the food won't increase your healing level. Then give away or toss whatever food is left." And really I did that but I didn't stop at one or two foods.
I know that I my reaction to stress is to eat. It's not that way for everyone, but it is for me. I have some very stressful things coming up in the next couple of week so I will try to be hyper-vigilant in making sure that I do not turn to food. Or, if I do, I will stick to the two bites. Of course it would be better to find something else, but right now, where I am, if food is it, at least I have to find ways to not make it as damaging. When I can get the two bites down to zero bites then I know I will have crossed through the door of not needing food any longer to calm and medicate me. The fact that I did not finish the cookies or the bag of pretzels or make make a bowl of cereal doused with sugar shows I may be almost there....
Miriam
Monday, February 13, 2012
Part 2 of "2-bites"
In addition to taking two bites of something and walking away, the exercise also asked that throughout the day to notice if the rest of your food has the same impact as the first two bites. I'm doing this with my lunch:
I have baby gherkin pickles. The first two bites were absolutely mouth-watering and actually quite thrilling (yeah, I know it's only pickles - but they come in little single-serve tubs and it's the first time I have ever had these with a lunch that I packed). The rest of them were actually quite tasty but I do have to admit that the first two bites were the best.
Then I moved on to my "side" of Weight Watchers baked salsa chips. The first two bites I could taste the salsa flavoring. Also I thoroughly enjoyed the crunch. As I progressed through my lunch they became "just" something on the side. Since I seemed to be into little tubs of things today, the chips led me to open my little Tostitos salsa and then the chips became only a vehicle for the salsa. I think I enjoyed the whole experience more than I would have if celery or carrots were the vehicle, but it also made the chips fade into the background.
On to my sandwich: whole wheat pita bread, Dijon mustard, lettuce, mild banana pepper rings, oh and yes, the turkey. First bite - could taste all the flavors mingling gently. A nice sandwich. Second bite - also good. Actually, because this exercise forced me to slow down eating I enjoyed all the sandwich which I think is unusual. After wolfing down the first couple of bites of a sandwich I am usually on automatic. But I do have to say, again, the first two bites were the best.
On to the salad. I didn't realize it until I actually took one bite, chewed, swallowed and took the next one, that this is not how I usually approach a salad. I usually shovel it in, taking the next forkful before I've swallowed the one before. I really do love salad, it's not a chore to eat it every day. But if I love it, why don't I savor it more?
What did I learn? Slow down and enjoy. You really have to pay attention to taste anything after the first couple of bites! It also backed my view that it's never about the food. I think when we wolf down food we just don't taste it. If it really was about the food we would ALL eat slowly and actually savor every bite, but we don't, do we?
Also I just wanted to direct you to a great book. Yesterday I mentioned that I had heard the phrase "You've come too far to take orders from a cookie." Flo noted that she used that phrase and shared it with her very first WW leader. I had read it from this book: Thin Tastes Better by Stephan Gullo. It is a wonderful book, and recommend it highly.
Now on to finishing lunch!
Miriam
I have baby gherkin pickles. The first two bites were absolutely mouth-watering and actually quite thrilling (yeah, I know it's only pickles - but they come in little single-serve tubs and it's the first time I have ever had these with a lunch that I packed). The rest of them were actually quite tasty but I do have to admit that the first two bites were the best.
Then I moved on to my "side" of Weight Watchers baked salsa chips. The first two bites I could taste the salsa flavoring. Also I thoroughly enjoyed the crunch. As I progressed through my lunch they became "just" something on the side. Since I seemed to be into little tubs of things today, the chips led me to open my little Tostitos salsa and then the chips became only a vehicle for the salsa. I think I enjoyed the whole experience more than I would have if celery or carrots were the vehicle, but it also made the chips fade into the background.
On to my sandwich: whole wheat pita bread, Dijon mustard, lettuce, mild banana pepper rings, oh and yes, the turkey. First bite - could taste all the flavors mingling gently. A nice sandwich. Second bite - also good. Actually, because this exercise forced me to slow down eating I enjoyed all the sandwich which I think is unusual. After wolfing down the first couple of bites of a sandwich I am usually on automatic. But I do have to say, again, the first two bites were the best.
On to the salad. I didn't realize it until I actually took one bite, chewed, swallowed and took the next one, that this is not how I usually approach a salad. I usually shovel it in, taking the next forkful before I've swallowed the one before. I really do love salad, it's not a chore to eat it every day. But if I love it, why don't I savor it more?
What did I learn? Slow down and enjoy. You really have to pay attention to taste anything after the first couple of bites! It also backed my view that it's never about the food. I think when we wolf down food we just don't taste it. If it really was about the food we would ALL eat slowly and actually savor every bite, but we don't, do we?
Also I just wanted to direct you to a great book. Yesterday I mentioned that I had heard the phrase "You've come too far to take orders from a cookie." Flo noted that she used that phrase and shared it with her very first WW leader. I had read it from this book: Thin Tastes Better by Stephan Gullo. It is a wonderful book, and recommend it highly.
Now on to finishing lunch!
Miriam
Sunday, February 12, 2012
the first two bites
Well - it's too funny. I was in the grocery store looking for just the items I wanted to do for the "First Two Bites" experiment. I started looking at all sorts of things that I would never (or hardly ever) bring home- honey-stung drummies, calzones, store-made lasagna, New England clam chowder, all sorts of cookies and crackers, etc. But I just concentrated on three things. It was quite unsettling, actually, to let my mind wander to "forbidden" foods.
BBQ Chips - salty, hot crunchy. When I took my two chips I was feeling I really wanted to go back for more but distracted myself. Did not throw out the rest of the chips. Funny enough, although when I start in on chips I have this need to finish the bag - even if it's a HUGE bag, this was the easiest for me. I don't know why. Maybe because I knew this was just an experiment and if I want chips I'll buy more chips. The other two items I am less likely to buy and have in my house.
Brownie - 2 bites, already felt anxiety about throwing out the rest. Not same anxiety with the chips. Felt an incredible urge to eat more. Didn't. Got up walked away from it. Then threw out the rest. Didn't trust myself with it only in the trash. Put it down the garbage disposal and ran it. However, I didn't want to throw it out right away because I had to sit for a few minutes with it still available to me. If anyone watches Hoarders you'll know what I mean: You know how they ask the hoarder what level of anxiety he/she is feeling just THINKING about having the item taken out of the house? That's what I was feeling as I thought about throwing out the brownie. I was almost having palpitations. Believe me, hoarders have nothing over me, as I face down this brownie and put it in the disposal.
3 Musketeers bar. This was the hardest. I did not ask my friend to give me a "two-bite" bar (which she keeps in her office desk) because for me, only the surface purpose of this lesson was tasting the first two bites. The purpose of this was to recognize the control food has over me. So I bought a full sized bar. I played with seeing how much a deep throat bite would take and I could have finished the bar in two - if not one - bite, but that wasn't the point. I had my two bites and felt such a need to have more. I thought that no one would know but me. I wouldn't have to report it. THIS one I did not throw in the disposal. I wrapped up what was left (MORE than half) safe and sound and got it ready put it in the trash. Actually it is next to me as I write this. I am going to throw it out, but I have to sit quietly with it for a while. ...holding it...
A few days ago Flo put links to her blog that dealt with these three lessons and she is allowing me to quote her (but if you want to read the entire entry please see her blog): "...But for me to say I am going to take a piece of carrot cake and eat two bites and throw the rest away – not going to happen. I won’t even bother to take the two bites unless I feel I can “afford” to eat it. I am just trying to be honest with myself here. And I just do best if I measure out the food I am going to eat and then eat it. I am not really one who can look at a favorite food and take a taste and throw the rest away..."
I was talking with Babs and she made the point that in the "100 Days Challenge," Linda Spangle is hitting upon all possibilities that could resonate with people who have food issues and weight problems. So it's not unusual that some lessons do not resonate with all people (for instance, the forgetting to eat, or not having support lessons do not float my boat). And so I can understand Flo's viewpoint on this lesson. I only wish I had the same feeling. Unfortunately for me, this might be the most important lesson in the book. Why? Because for me it has nothing with tasting the first two bites, or having enough points/calories to eat it all. It has to do with the power that food has over me. If I had, under real conditions, eaten that brownie (and I had "allowed" for it), and there were more brownies in the house, I would have eaten them all. And, if there were no other brownies in the house I would have looked for something else to eat. I would have cooked rice and put sugar on it. I would have eaten a loaf of bread with butter. I honestly don't know if the "addiction" is to the ingredients in the food (I need more sugar, more flour, more salt) or if the "addiction" is to habit and past history. All I know is that to take the first two bites and to walk away is a battle of the wits, not an acknowledging for what the taste buds are feeling.
Suffice it to say that I have an emotional connection to food. It filled a lot of lonely times for me, and stopping after two bites is difficult. Having foods that I enjoy (for whatever reason: crunch, texture, taste, etc.) can open flood gates for me. I remember reading once that a good mantra is "You've come too far to take orders from a cookie." And man, can those cookies give me orders. It really isn't a matter of planning for it and "allowing" a treat into my program. It's being satisfied with one portion of one treat. I need to learn to eat something, enjoy it, and walk away or put it away, so that was the usefulness of today's lesson for me. One time doing this will not be enough. My intention is to do it maybe at least once a week, and maybe with just one item.
So the exercise to me has nothing to do with the taste of food, but the power it has over me. I have to break the chains that bind me (isn't there a song?).
I wrote all this Saturday night and am posting now on Sunday. Pleased to report that I didn't finish the chips in the bag and my son ate the rest of the candy bar. HOWEVER, (true confessions) I did eat handfuls of raisins and I did have a bowl of rice (no sugar though). The "damage" was minimal and I'm ready to move on with the acknowledgment that I will be returning to this lesson.
Mmmmm...iriam
BBQ Chips - salty, hot crunchy. When I took my two chips I was feeling I really wanted to go back for more but distracted myself. Did not throw out the rest of the chips. Funny enough, although when I start in on chips I have this need to finish the bag - even if it's a HUGE bag, this was the easiest for me. I don't know why. Maybe because I knew this was just an experiment and if I want chips I'll buy more chips. The other two items I am less likely to buy and have in my house.
Brownie - 2 bites, already felt anxiety about throwing out the rest. Not same anxiety with the chips. Felt an incredible urge to eat more. Didn't. Got up walked away from it. Then threw out the rest. Didn't trust myself with it only in the trash. Put it down the garbage disposal and ran it. However, I didn't want to throw it out right away because I had to sit for a few minutes with it still available to me. If anyone watches Hoarders you'll know what I mean: You know how they ask the hoarder what level of anxiety he/she is feeling just THINKING about having the item taken out of the house? That's what I was feeling as I thought about throwing out the brownie. I was almost having palpitations. Believe me, hoarders have nothing over me, as I face down this brownie and put it in the disposal.
3 Musketeers bar. This was the hardest. I did not ask my friend to give me a "two-bite" bar (which she keeps in her office desk) because for me, only the surface purpose of this lesson was tasting the first two bites. The purpose of this was to recognize the control food has over me. So I bought a full sized bar. I played with seeing how much a deep throat bite would take and I could have finished the bar in two - if not one - bite, but that wasn't the point. I had my two bites and felt such a need to have more. I thought that no one would know but me. I wouldn't have to report it. THIS one I did not throw in the disposal. I wrapped up what was left (MORE than half) safe and sound and got it ready put it in the trash. Actually it is next to me as I write this. I am going to throw it out, but I have to sit quietly with it for a while. ...holding it...
A few days ago Flo put links to her blog that dealt with these three lessons and she is allowing me to quote her (but if you want to read the entire entry please see her blog): "...But for me to say I am going to take a piece of carrot cake and eat two bites and throw the rest away – not going to happen. I won’t even bother to take the two bites unless I feel I can “afford” to eat it. I am just trying to be honest with myself here. And I just do best if I measure out the food I am going to eat and then eat it. I am not really one who can look at a favorite food and take a taste and throw the rest away..."
I was talking with Babs and she made the point that in the "100 Days Challenge," Linda Spangle is hitting upon all possibilities that could resonate with people who have food issues and weight problems. So it's not unusual that some lessons do not resonate with all people (for instance, the forgetting to eat, or not having support lessons do not float my boat). And so I can understand Flo's viewpoint on this lesson. I only wish I had the same feeling. Unfortunately for me, this might be the most important lesson in the book. Why? Because for me it has nothing with tasting the first two bites, or having enough points/calories to eat it all. It has to do with the power that food has over me. If I had, under real conditions, eaten that brownie (and I had "allowed" for it), and there were more brownies in the house, I would have eaten them all. And, if there were no other brownies in the house I would have looked for something else to eat. I would have cooked rice and put sugar on it. I would have eaten a loaf of bread with butter. I honestly don't know if the "addiction" is to the ingredients in the food (I need more sugar, more flour, more salt) or if the "addiction" is to habit and past history. All I know is that to take the first two bites and to walk away is a battle of the wits, not an acknowledging for what the taste buds are feeling.
Suffice it to say that I have an emotional connection to food. It filled a lot of lonely times for me, and stopping after two bites is difficult. Having foods that I enjoy (for whatever reason: crunch, texture, taste, etc.) can open flood gates for me. I remember reading once that a good mantra is "You've come too far to take orders from a cookie." And man, can those cookies give me orders. It really isn't a matter of planning for it and "allowing" a treat into my program. It's being satisfied with one portion of one treat. I need to learn to eat something, enjoy it, and walk away or put it away, so that was the usefulness of today's lesson for me. One time doing this will not be enough. My intention is to do it maybe at least once a week, and maybe with just one item.
So the exercise to me has nothing to do with the taste of food, but the power it has over me. I have to break the chains that bind me (isn't there a song?).
I wrote all this Saturday night and am posting now on Sunday. Pleased to report that I didn't finish the chips in the bag and my son ate the rest of the candy bar. HOWEVER, (true confessions) I did eat handfuls of raisins and I did have a bowl of rice (no sugar though). The "damage" was minimal and I'm ready to move on with the acknowledgment that I will be returning to this lesson.
Mmmmm...iriam
Friday, February 10, 2012
Today is just about exercise and my knee!
Anyway - would you say I have no excuse not to do cardio??? If I use the seated elliptical I can do an entire workout without taxing my knees (oh, and you can program it for upper body, all muscle groups, or legs in addition to "just" using it as cardio only) even if I do the leg programs. If I can't get on that machine I divide my time between the bikes and Arc Trainer. I want to build up some endurance on the elliptical to add that to the melange of machines I use if I have to mix and match.
So I have had two orientations so far on the seated weight machines: Both the Nautilus circuit where you do one rep of each machine (the machines look like this):
or the Cybex circuit where the machines are similar but you do many reps. Since I only just started I don't know which I prefer - but I imagine which circuit I choose will depend on which one has more people using it at the time and how much of a hurry I'm in. Also I can mix an match (for instance the Cybex circuit has a leg press which I love, and the Nautilus circuit has a hamstring curl that is better for me than the Cybex one).
My intention is to work the weight machines twice a week (I'm set up now with trainers on Wednesday and Friday mornings) and cardio 4-5 times a week. The Y is so close and convenient to my home (and LITERALLY on the way to and from work) that I have no problem doing my weights in the morning and still going back in the afternoon for cardio if I don't have time in the morning. Then at the end of the month I've joined a "biggest-loser" type team group where you work with a trainer (in a group) twice a week for an hour each time, with the point being weight loss as well as just exercise. I don't watch BL and I hate the premise of it and so it's odd that I signed up for a team, but I am sure the Y won't have trainers yelling in my face and making me fall to the fall to do push-ups lol.
After just after a few visits I am already noticing that my knees/legs are so much stronger - I was able to walk up my front steps without holding onto the railing, and I was able to take it step-over-step. I also notice that I'm not as aware of the knee as I usually am. I'm starting to be more normal.
Besides the knee my goal is my daughter's wedding in September. I already bought two dresses that are a bit snug - but there is a 90-day return policy so I will revisit them in May - maybe I can even go down a size from where they already are!
Have a great day everyone! And don't forget - I'm doing the "first two bites" challenge starting tomorrow - anyone please join me!
Miriam
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Let's do this together
I have been "resting" from my journal entries because I invited Babs and absolutely ANYONE who wants to do this with me to join me on Days 15, 16 and 17, of "100 Days Challenge." You can do this even if you aren't on the challenge, because they are interesting exercises and it would be so educational to share what we went through while doing them. Here's the layout, and anyone who wants to do this with me is welcome to. We can either link blogs, or you can comment on mine (I will blog for each day of the exercise), or contact me (at amirajamal "at" yahoo "- dot -" com) and I will post your responses in my blog.
For those of you who don't have the book, here is Day 15 - The first two bites::
1. Choose one of your favorite foods and then focus on all the details and tastes of the first two bites. Let yourself appreciate the flavors. Write down the food you choose for this exercise.
2. After the first two bites, stop eating and get rid of the rest of the food. Describe your response to this experience.
3. With each food you eat today, pay close attention to the first two bites. Notice how they taste in comparison to the rest of the food.
Day 16 - Nurturing power of food:
1. Intentionally eat something that will help you feel better. Eliminate any thoughts of guilt or remorse as you eat this food. Write down what you ate and why you chose it.
2. After two bites, stop! Remind yourself that your needs have been met and eating more of the food won't increase your healing level. Then give away or toss whatever food is left. Describe what you did with this part of the food.
3. Write about how you felt doing this exercise. Also, notice what level of satisfaction you experienced as you ate the first two bites of the food.
Day 17 - Stop wasting food:
1. Throw some food away. It can be a tiny amount or a large amount. Remember, by wasting it into the garbage, you're not wasting into yourself. Write down what you threw away.
2. List all the foods you let go of today. Make a note about how it felt to throw food away, then add a few thoughts on how you'll manage leftover food in the future.
3. Think about ways you can prevent having excess food around in the first place.
For those of you not on the "100 Days Challenge" but are intrigued please go to Linda Spangle's website. She has a free download for the workbook that accompanies her book, and also her book(s) are available from there.
All of the days are best done with a buddy, but these three days in particular struck me as days I would like to compare notes.
Babs wrote that she will get to Day 15 on Saturday. I will aim to blog either Saturday night or Sunday on my experiences of Day 15 so we can all be on the same page.
Miriam
For those of you who don't have the book, here is Day 15 - The first two bites::
1. Choose one of your favorite foods and then focus on all the details and tastes of the first two bites. Let yourself appreciate the flavors. Write down the food you choose for this exercise.
2. After the first two bites, stop eating and get rid of the rest of the food. Describe your response to this experience.
3. With each food you eat today, pay close attention to the first two bites. Notice how they taste in comparison to the rest of the food.
Day 16 - Nurturing power of food:
1. Intentionally eat something that will help you feel better. Eliminate any thoughts of guilt or remorse as you eat this food. Write down what you ate and why you chose it.
2. After two bites, stop! Remind yourself that your needs have been met and eating more of the food won't increase your healing level. Then give away or toss whatever food is left. Describe what you did with this part of the food.
3. Write about how you felt doing this exercise. Also, notice what level of satisfaction you experienced as you ate the first two bites of the food.
Day 17 - Stop wasting food:
1. Throw some food away. It can be a tiny amount or a large amount. Remember, by wasting it into the garbage, you're not wasting into yourself. Write down what you threw away.
2. List all the foods you let go of today. Make a note about how it felt to throw food away, then add a few thoughts on how you'll manage leftover food in the future.
3. Think about ways you can prevent having excess food around in the first place.
For those of you not on the "100 Days Challenge" but are intrigued please go to Linda Spangle's website. She has a free download for the workbook that accompanies her book, and also her book(s) are available from there.
All of the days are best done with a buddy, but these three days in particular struck me as days I would like to compare notes.
Babs wrote that she will get to Day 15 on Saturday. I will aim to blog either Saturday night or Sunday on my experiences of Day 15 so we can all be on the same page.
Miriam
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Interesting articles
Monday, February 6, 2012
Day 13 - SO never gonna be my problem
Day 13: "Oops, I forgot to eat!" Yeah right - like that's ever going to happen. I've never forgotten to eat, but I have had times in tremendous stress that I haven't had the time to eat or haven't felt like eating. My husband, on the other hand, a totally normal eater WILL forget to eat - so I know it can happen. Not to me though. Anyway, moving along - the point was that your body needs regular fuel stops to run at peak efficiency.
Short entry today - other than to say that I digressed terribly yesterday.... however, on a bright note, I started my day at the gym and got a solid 40 minute of cardio in, and didn't dissolve until later in the day. I'm just perplexed with myself why I did what I did. Oh actually, I'm thinking about it and I know.... I had planned out my day in advance because dinner was corned beef and cabbage and I wanted to have enough calories to enjoy a good portion. However, I made two new recipes - and I sampled both (even though they are for later in the week) which sent me into a downward spiral. I just should have made a plate and eaten whatever it was that I wanted to eat. - It was the "binge quality" of the eating that upset me more than the quantity. (I did not, however, eat all the Superbowl goodies - I just seemed fixated on what I had cooked that day.)
Oh wait - I can go back a notch from that... I also did not eat what I had planned for Saturday lunch. I succumbed to eating fast and eating what I did NOT plan for lunch. I actually sat and figured out all the calories and figured out how I could redeem myself by dinner... but then landed up going to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner - totally unplanned and out of the blue. TOTALLY. My daughter and I split everything, but it was still too much.
So all in all, a HORRID weekend for eating (which is actually unusual for me - I do well on weekends generally) but great in every other respect. So, I'll just take Monday for what it is - pick myself up, dust myself off and move on.
Here's to picking up and dusting off.
Miriam
Short entry today - other than to say that I digressed terribly yesterday.... however, on a bright note, I started my day at the gym and got a solid 40 minute of cardio in, and didn't dissolve until later in the day. I'm just perplexed with myself why I did what I did. Oh actually, I'm thinking about it and I know.... I had planned out my day in advance because dinner was corned beef and cabbage and I wanted to have enough calories to enjoy a good portion. However, I made two new recipes - and I sampled both (even though they are for later in the week) which sent me into a downward spiral. I just should have made a plate and eaten whatever it was that I wanted to eat. - It was the "binge quality" of the eating that upset me more than the quantity. (I did not, however, eat all the Superbowl goodies - I just seemed fixated on what I had cooked that day.)
Oh wait - I can go back a notch from that... I also did not eat what I had planned for Saturday lunch. I succumbed to eating fast and eating what I did NOT plan for lunch. I actually sat and figured out all the calories and figured out how I could redeem myself by dinner... but then landed up going to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner - totally unplanned and out of the blue. TOTALLY. My daughter and I split everything, but it was still too much.
So all in all, a HORRID weekend for eating (which is actually unusual for me - I do well on weekends generally) but great in every other respect. So, I'll just take Monday for what it is - pick myself up, dust myself off and move on.
Here's to picking up and dusting off.
Miriam
Friday, February 3, 2012
Day 12: Have you ever been happy for no particular reason?
Actually the lesson is "Fuel or Filler" but first I want to share an experience I had this afternoon (probably because I have followed Days 1-11 more than once!). I left work early to go shopping at a "farm stand" - actually it's a HUGE Italian market but I call it a farm stand because 50%+ of it is fresh fruits and vegetables. But oh my - the cheeses, the bakery, the Italian deli, the flowers and plants.... Anyhoo - I did my shopping for all of next week (which frees up tomorrow afternoon!), then I stopped at my favorite Dunkin Donuts to get an iced coffee that I haven't had in ages. As I pulled out of the space, I just had such a light bubbly feeling - and all I could think of was "Boy, I'm happy. For no particular reason. I'm happy."
So back to "fuel or filler" - I have been looking at my food that way lately and trying to make decisions of what I eat based on that. I have been eating very nutritionally-dense foods lately and although the light fluff adds up fast with calories, not giving you much volume, I have to tell you, neither does nutritionally-dense foods give you a lot of volume. I'm not talking salads - where you can eat a HUGE bowl - 4 or 6 cups - for under a 100 calories, but good-for-you carbs, fruits, "heavy" proteins, legumes, nuts, oils, etc. (seafood is light in the calorie department, though).But I'm finding that when I eat well, I'm satisfied with less food than I would for the same amount of junk food - as all the media shows to be true - I'm just disappointed that I get to eat so LITTLE. But, all in all, fuel - albeit dense and so it takes less to fill you - is way better than filler.
I think we still need a little filler here and there. Like my small bag of chips yesterday - it was just the perfect touch to a fuel-lunch. I'm just thinking that I need to limit "filler" to just a few times a week, whether it's chips at lunch, or a small dessert once in a while. I'm struggling with not being sad that I have to limit quantity. I still see myself in my mind eating so much more.
But... I have my "happy for no reason" feeling to remember when the sadness of having less food creeps in.
Don't worry. Be happy.
Miriam
So back to "fuel or filler" - I have been looking at my food that way lately and trying to make decisions of what I eat based on that. I have been eating very nutritionally-dense foods lately and although the light fluff adds up fast with calories, not giving you much volume, I have to tell you, neither does nutritionally-dense foods give you a lot of volume. I'm not talking salads - where you can eat a HUGE bowl - 4 or 6 cups - for under a 100 calories, but good-for-you carbs, fruits, "heavy" proteins, legumes, nuts, oils, etc. (seafood is light in the calorie department, though).But I'm finding that when I eat well, I'm satisfied with less food than I would for the same amount of junk food - as all the media shows to be true - I'm just disappointed that I get to eat so LITTLE. But, all in all, fuel - albeit dense and so it takes less to fill you - is way better than filler.
I think we still need a little filler here and there. Like my small bag of chips yesterday - it was just the perfect touch to a fuel-lunch. I'm just thinking that I need to limit "filler" to just a few times a week, whether it's chips at lunch, or a small dessert once in a while. I'm struggling with not being sad that I have to limit quantity. I still see myself in my mind eating so much more.
But... I have my "happy for no reason" feeling to remember when the sadness of having less food creeps in.
Don't worry. Be happy.
Miriam
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Day 11 - 2 purposes of food
Well I did it! I joined the YMCA and I think it is one of the best decisions I have made in a long time. The reason I stopped at my other gym - where I loved the aquatics facility - was because, although it was where I work, I found it inconvenient. After driving in for more than an hour I just wanted to get to work and didn't want to stop; I could never fit what I needed into a 1-hour lunch; and at night I couldn't stand the thought of an hour's drive home AFTER being exhausted from the gym. The Y is 5 minutes from my house, and even though it's the same 1-hour commute, at least I'm only 5 minutes from home once I'm done.
Although I am not a "rah-rah" team person and never ever watch the Biggest Loser, I am signing up for one of the wellness teams, where you work 2 hours a week with a trainer, have nutritional support and counseling, and apparently are in competition with the other teams for percentage of weight lost. I am assured that the program is adapted and tweaked for anyone with special health considerations. I also signed up for a beginners fitness program where I am working with a trainer 30-45 minutes, twice a week. I have 10 sessions to get me going until the team program starts at the end of February. They are even going to look into letting me teach a belly dance class there one night a week. I feel absolutely revitalized!
So I'm moving on to Day 11 - The two purposes of food: (1) to fuel your body and (2) to appreciate flavors. (There isn't a third one - to medicate you so you can zonk out of your real needs and emotions! lol)
I wish I had my camera with me so I could have shared a picture of my lunch. It absolutely satisfied both 1 and 2 - which I think is a good goal to have. I waived back and forth so many times this morning over what to bring for lunch. At first I was going to make it easy and just bring my dinner which was already prepared (but then I would have a problem at the other end of the day); then I thought of all the things I could buy on my way to work; and then I finally settled on a compromise - I made a tuna salad, brought my vegetable soup, and made a salad from a really good salad bar that I pass in the morning.
But why do I wish I had my camera? I just couldn't face plain old tuna. So what I did was take a can of drained tuna, a tablespoon of lite mayo, and chopped up red bell pepper, green onions, romaine lettuce, and banana peppers (they are sort of like pepperocini). Not only is the salad colorful but it bulked up at least 3-4 times the size of the plain tuna. And, when making my salad at the salad bar, I chose all deep colors for the veggies. Not only was this lunch perfect fuel for my body, but I appreciated every flavor and color and texture. The chips (Cape Cod Lite, 100 calories a pack) provided a fun item in my lunch (and let's not discount that they have 2G protein!). I also have a fresh apple and orange for later (the most vibrant I could pick).
I usually do anyway, but I am going to make an extra effort to eat flavorful and colorful foods: Vibrant - just like I am going to be now that I've started at the Y! :)
Miriam
Although I am not a "rah-rah" team person and never ever watch the Biggest Loser, I am signing up for one of the wellness teams, where you work 2 hours a week with a trainer, have nutritional support and counseling, and apparently are in competition with the other teams for percentage of weight lost. I am assured that the program is adapted and tweaked for anyone with special health considerations. I also signed up for a beginners fitness program where I am working with a trainer 30-45 minutes, twice a week. I have 10 sessions to get me going until the team program starts at the end of February. They are even going to look into letting me teach a belly dance class there one night a week. I feel absolutely revitalized!
So I'm moving on to Day 11 - The two purposes of food: (1) to fuel your body and (2) to appreciate flavors. (There isn't a third one - to medicate you so you can zonk out of your real needs and emotions! lol)
I wish I had my camera with me so I could have shared a picture of my lunch. It absolutely satisfied both 1 and 2 - which I think is a good goal to have. I waived back and forth so many times this morning over what to bring for lunch. At first I was going to make it easy and just bring my dinner which was already prepared (but then I would have a problem at the other end of the day); then I thought of all the things I could buy on my way to work; and then I finally settled on a compromise - I made a tuna salad, brought my vegetable soup, and made a salad from a really good salad bar that I pass in the morning.
But why do I wish I had my camera? I just couldn't face plain old tuna. So what I did was take a can of drained tuna, a tablespoon of lite mayo, and chopped up red bell pepper, green onions, romaine lettuce, and banana peppers (they are sort of like pepperocini). Not only is the salad colorful but it bulked up at least 3-4 times the size of the plain tuna. And, when making my salad at the salad bar, I chose all deep colors for the veggies. Not only was this lunch perfect fuel for my body, but I appreciated every flavor and color and texture. The chips (Cape Cod Lite, 100 calories a pack) provided a fun item in my lunch (and let's not discount that they have 2G protein!). I also have a fresh apple and orange for later (the most vibrant I could pick).
I usually do anyway, but I am going to make an extra effort to eat flavorful and colorful foods: Vibrant - just like I am going to be now that I've started at the Y! :)
Miriam
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