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If you are new to Total Knee Replacement recovery I suggest that you read from the bottom up (starting July 2011). As I get further into recovery it becomes more about the new ME rather than the new KNEE! I hope you enjoy this blog and I welcome all your comments!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Facing fears

I have been a fan of Tony Robbins for years - before I even had cable or knew what shopping networks or infomercials were all about (which apparently are most people's introduction to Tony Robbins).  Last night Oprah did a "Next Chapter" 2-hour episode on him, where she went to one of his 10-hour seminars, went through the fire walk, and then did an interview.  It was one of the very few programs I recorded because I knew I would have to go back to it over and over again in order to absorb everything - even though I know practically all his stuff verbatim.

What I took away this time was how fear is what stands in our way to accomplish what we want most, and how we allow our "story" to keep us trapped.  For me it means not that I am lazy or lack motivation when it comes to losing weight, it's that I fear losing weight or fear what I have to do in order to lose weight. Afraid? Won't it be wonderful to lose weight and reach my goal?  Hmm... let me take a look.

What if I have all this loose skin when I lose weight (fear)?
What if I hate my body even more (fear)?
What if I really really miss eating whatever I want in whatever quantity I want (fear)?
What if it is hard work to maintain my weight (fear)?
What if, after losing weight, I still have to stay on cholesterol medication or still have knee problems (fear)?
What if I do lose weight, and I therefore lose my story and don't know who I am (fear)?
What if I find I do like exercises but hurt myself or can't keep up with it (fear)?
What if I find I hate exercise and still have to force myself to do it (fear)?
What if I lose my story and don't know who I am (fear)?
What if it's hard to find a totally new clothing style (fear)?
What if I lose my zest for eating (fear)?
What if I can't find anything else to calm me or fill me (fear)?
What if losing weight and being thin isn't all it's cracked up to be (fear)?
What if being thin does NOT taste better than food (fear)?
What if I lose weight and still have a fat face and a double chin (fear)?

Got the point?  I do.

And what about my story? "I am a slow loser. I am never successful at keeping off weight even if I manage to lose a little. I am lazy. I give up. I am the fat one. I can't perform (as a dancer) like I used to because of my knees/weight/age.   I can't stay away from sweets and goodies.  I can't control myself.  I can't stick with a diet.I get tired. I don't like to exercise. I never stick with any exercise long enough for it to make a permanent difference in my life. Etc."  I don't know another story.  I have let my history become my present and my future.  I am afraid I will not be Miriam if I lose my story.  FEAR.

Maybe it's not the salt and sugar or exhaustion or anger or anxiety or unlimited goodies available to me.  Maybe it's just fear.

Tony also talks about the qualities that drive a person: Love/connection, certainty/comfort, significance, uncertainty/variety, service,  and growth, and in the seminar asked people to pick their top two.  Unfortunately the top two traits are often in contrast to each other.  In my case, I think my top two are certainty and growth.  But growth requires you to move into the field of uncertainty and variety - yet my top desire is certainty.  I cannot have growth with certainty.  Hence, fear of the unknown is keeping me from growing toward my goal of losing weight.

Too much to think about... but I must...

Miriam

1 comment:

  1. Isn't the first step to facing fears recognizing what they are? If that's true, then you've certainly done a good job of recognizing them and even putting them "out there". It's an overwhelming list but many are interconnected. I would start by the top two, and you've already identified them.

    I think that we're both self-retrospective and therefore able to address some of our own topics/challenges that are roadblocks on our own unique journeys rather than just adhere to those listed in the book.

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