I don't wanna do homework

LOL - I've taken some time off from blogging about the daily assignments although I have been incorporating them daily, but loosely.  By this I mean that I have been following the assignments but not writing down the results in the workbook.  Last Saturday I went out to lunch and did the "clean plate" exercises and the "eat reasonable amounts" lessons.  I had lunch with a girlfriend at Legal Seafood and I cannot believe it, but we split a salad and split a dessert, and our lunch plates were just that - lunch plates with "lunch portions" (built-in reasonable amount) - and I left some of the yummiest roasted vegetables in a creamy leek sauce behind on my plate.  It wasn't more than a tablespoon, but I was so aware of the magnetic force of it - as if my fork was being drawn to that last bit on the dish.

And that's what I was trying to say the other day.  A lot of these exercises, for me, just point out the power that food has over me, and how little power I have over the food.  For me, it's not a matter of portioning out the exact amount I'm allowed and then finishing it or not wasting it.  For me it's finishing the food, but then not wanting to go for more - not because I have not been satisfied with what I have had, but because the magnetic pull of the food - once I have let it out of its cage -  is so strong.  Sometimes the magnet is so strong it doesn't even have to be pulling from an open package or pot or serving dish.  The pull can come from a thick closed container deep in the dark recesses of my cabinet...  I need to come to a point - not necessarily where I am stronger than the magnetic pull - but to a point where there is no longer a pull.  Leaving behind that forkful of roasted vegetables was a step. 

But what was funny is that I was obviously done eating.  The waitress came by to take my dish and without even thinking about it I said to her "I'm done but I still need my plate."  I didn't look at it or touch it again, but I wasn't ready to give it up.  Where did that come from?  lol  It's not even as though I was aware of it or had some great conversation in my head.  I just wasn't ready to give up my plate...  She came by again and I said "I'm ready now.  You can take my plate."  Honestly, I hadn't even though about it until writing just now.  It's almost as if that last bite on the plate still had power over me and when its power was released, I was ready to release it.  Weird....

I have unfortunately had some really awful setbacks this past week at the gym.  My rotator cuff must be inflamed because I cannot raise my left arm to my side above waist-level.  This was the beginning of the end on the right side, so I am not doing any work on my shoulders - although I am trying to work other arm muscles that don't involve the shoulder.  Then, most dreadful of all, is that my non-operated knee is about as bad as it has ever been, and my surgical knee is screaming as well.  I have been cautious with any of the weight machines, but I have been enjoying the seated elliptical.  However, it has a leg-press program (i.e., increasing the resistance for spurts during session) which I have been using, and the trainer thinks that I might have overworked my quadriceps tendon which pulls on the kneecap, which is what was bothering most.  However, in addition to that, the medial meniscus on the non-operated leg I think is shot... (I know I already had a tear but it hadn't bothered me for years.)

It's like I can't catch a break... Tonight I start my "biggest loser-type" team at the Y.  I was thinking of dropping out before I even got started, and I don't want to be a drag on my team-mates, but I figured that would be the old me.  I think I can still forge ahead as long as I am careful.  Besides, I am eating in a good way (lost 2.4 pounds this past week!) so even if I can't be helpful to my team in terms of pounds lost because of exercise, at least maybe I can contribute to pounds lost by my eating. 

Sigh... 
Miriam