Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. ~Rumi

Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. ~Rumi

I thought I knew it ALL about what to eat for good health.  I was the cleverest of the clever! But I am learning so much from reading about auto-immune diseases that spills out into all areas of health and well-being.

I had my liver last night - oh my gosh ... it was SO good.  Wait? Did *I* say that? LOL  And on the way home I stopped at a health food store that sells Julian bread products and picked up the Paleo wraps and two loaves of the Paleo bread - one coconut flour and one almond flour.  After all, I needed to spread my chopped liver on something!  Jury is out on the bread.  I will toast up a slice of each and have it with some butter and then I'll give you my opinion.  But the original purpose was served well - a vehicle for my liver! LOL  I can do without bread in general, so I don't want to start up the habit of having it when normally I would not, but it is nice to have an option.  After seeing the prices for the wraps and the bread I might reconsider making my own (of both).   

So I came home today after spending 3 hours at the beauty salon.  I had packed and eaten lunch on my way there so I was all set.  When I got out I was hungry and couldn't wait to get home to have some soup ... which I did.  I'm full.  I'm sad.
Why? I look gorgeous - that's not the reason ;)

I just realized that - in line with my blog on acceptance - I am dealing with the fact that I don't have my usual familiar behavior to make me comfortable.  First of all, I was VERY aware that I did not go from the salon to one of the malls to spend money I don't have on things I don't need.  That particular behavior I have been working on for YEARS, and I no longer get the mindless exhilaration that I used to get from mindless shopping.  Mindless eating had taken over.  But now I do not have mindless eating.  And I feel I have been left with nothing.  Except sadness.   I am learning to accept this.

I also have been thinking for quite some time - but most recently this morning - that I do not need to eat the quantity of food that I am used to.  What does this mean?  I also don't need to cook the quantity of food that I used to.  I don't have a big enough freezer to put away all the portions I would have to put away if I kept cooking at the rate and quantity that I had been doing up until recently.  I made my shopping list for next week then crossed out all but the ingredients needed for one meal, and ketchup.  That sort of made me sad.  For those of you who know me you know I love to cook - and a lot at one time.  That is out of my life now.  I must accept.

It seems I am losing too much without having seen the gain from it yet (good health).  It is hard to function on blind faith.  But I have to keep remembering:  Faith, Acceptance, and, as above, the joy of bewilderment. 

Please pray for me that I do not turn to food in my state of melancholy and sadness.  Pray that I find something to fill the emptiness.  Pray that acceptance becomes easier.

Miriam