The flow of energy

Another Oprah Life class moment (sorry - but they are REALLY good):  We are responsible not only for the energy that we give out, but also for what we allow in.  This means that we can't control someone else's energy, but what we can do is decide to let it in or not.  Something happened last night (just before dinner) that was very sad and unhappy, and I thought of that lesson.  Normally I would eat like crazy (not tasting or enjoying anything at all) in order to either digest the energy into my own being, or to set up a block so that I wouldn't.  Instead, I just sat quietly with the energy and thought about how I could get sucked in or let it go.  All during this time I actually had NO appetite (very interesting... I wonder how often I have no appetite in such a situation but eat out of habit anyway) and thought I would go to bed without dinner.  I try not to eat after 7, and imagined that I would not see my next meal until breakfast.

But instead, as I sat quietly with the emotions, and thinking about how I do not have to let the energy of the situation become MY energy, my appetite slowly returned and I enjoyed a nice dinner.  Not what I had set out to eat, but with in the same exact points that I had allowed myself.  Not a bit more or less.

I woke up this morning with a little less of a heavy heart than I went to bed with, and although I am still sad, most of the negative energy has dissipated with no damage to my eating plan.  I realized that I can acknowledge an emotion but I do not have to be enveloped in it (unless I want to - like happiness!).  I had something else that piggybacked on this - disappointment at the scale.  I've changed my weigh-in day from Sunday to Thursday to keep in line with a Thanksgiving challenge.  There was no loss, and I just looked at it, and instead of ditching the diet because, after all, if I haven't lost weight after being so "perfect" then what's the point... (but I remembered yesterday's lesson of not throwing out the baby with the bathwater) so I just planned out my day and went on with breakfast.

I also put my pain in perspective.  My husband happened to be up this morning while I was getting ready for work and he saw me limping and wincing.  He said that he thought the surgery was supposed to stop all that.  But since I wanted to defend my choice to have surgery I broke into the spiel about how it takes 6 months to a year to start to feel normal again.  Then I counted back to my surgery and said it's only been 5 months (this week) since the surgery, and since I had a manipulation one month out, technically, I have to start counting my recovery from that - which would make it only four months since the surgery.  I also pointed out that the pain isn't where the surgery fixed, it's a side-effect of the surgery (general swelling and leg pain) and that the reason my left leg hurts so much is probably because it always hurt me, but I never noticed it because the right knee was so bad - and now that it's better I'm noticing it more.  Once I got done giving the speech to my husband *I* felt better! lol  - put things into a more realistic perspective for me.  Yes, I'm in pain every single day, and I am limited in what I would like to do... but heck... I'm only a third of the way there!

Breakfast:  Same as usual: bagel, LC cheese, tomatoes, coffee (6)
Lunch: 3 oz lite pastrami, 2 slices WW bread, popcorn, salad with oil (7)
Snack: apple, cheese, nuts (4)
Dinner: brussels sprouts, asparagus
           Don't know yet: (6)
Snack:  Ice cream truffle (1)

Have a great, positive energy day!
Miriam