After gathering all the information from the professionals and opinions (and really good information) from friends, I have come to the decision that doing the biggest-loser group (even with the individual attention that was offered by the trainer) is too much too soon. The only way I was able to get through the day for the past two weeks was with the medication that absolutely put me to sleep. Then, after my thyroid biopsy on Monday I was allowed to go back on ibuprofen but although it helped somewhat it isn't strong enough to deal with whatever is happening to my knees. I took Advil during the day and my Ultram at night only - but why should I have to take drugs at all at this stage of the game? NO GOOD CAN COME FROM EXERCISE is all I have to say.
But, I'm not giving up. Starting tomorrow morning my goal is to move every day for 30 minutes. But even with that, I had to put it in a different perspective. I was telling a friend that I enjoy the seated elliptical and the treadmill, but I have to go rather slowly and/or have no resistance or incline. She said - "Then it's not really cardio - it's more like PT." And with that I had a light-bulb moment. All I really need now is PT. I need to move, get my joints "lubricated" and feel good about myself that I am at least doing that, and not feel "less than" because I'm not doing full workouts.
I had to look deep inside to see if I was just justifying my "MO" (i.e., dropping out of things that I start, or not wanting to actually work at getting physically fit). Part of me is nagging that there is at least a particle of my MO embedded in my decision to quit the group. But the rest of me says at least I am not giving up and quitting the gym altogether. It's just hard to have moved from being a really physical person to a lump on a log. I feel that by going to the gym every day and using the cardio equipment at whatever level does not necessitate pain medication, I am finding a spot somewhere in the middle. I'm not a middle-of-the-road sort of person so I think that's what is bothering me.
Moderation isn't my strong suit with dieting either, but it's something that I am also learning. I am switching my weigh ins to Monday nights (now that I'm not going to the group) instead of Saturday mornings. I don't know how, on "official" scales, I could have lost 10 1/2 gym pounds to Weight Watcher's 5 pounds. But I know that in the mornings when I put my shoes on they are often tight, indicating some fluid retention. So,although mornings are usually the better times to weigh in, in my case, it might be that the evenings are better. It all comes out in the wash, so to speak, but if I can be motivated by better weigh ins at night, I'll take anything I can get!
In terms of the challenge, I am ready to pick that up too. Since I am going to a restaurant for dinner (with my favorite food!) I will do the challenge of SAVORING. I want MY meal to last all night and not pick from my husband's plate (or if they are going to order food for the table, and not individual dinners, my plan is to pick what I want and have ONE plate) so eating slowly and savoring is the perfect exercise for me tonight.
So anyway, I'm starting fresh tomorrow. My dress is ready to be picked up but I can't get it until the 31st (it's a 150 mile round-trip drive to the store so it's not something I can do after work) - hopefully it will zip up by then! :)
Miriam
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