Serenity now....

Hope you all weathered the storm.  We were without power and phone for about 36 hours.  I came home from work and emptied the freezer and fridge and brought it all to the trash, just as the lights flickered on.  Some things could have been saved, but it was freeing: I got rid of all those bottles of salad dressing with 2 TBS in them; leftovers that I didn't like the first time around; and dairy and cold cuts that would have lasted only another day, at best.  Tomorrow we'll wash out the fridge and freezer and start fresh!

So Friday I went to physical therapy and told my therapist that I had just reached my 3-month anniversary.  She smiled and said "That's great - only nine more months to go!"  I actually was ready to discharge myself - she said it is always best when it comes from the client.  I have one more approved visit (although she had put in for more that week) and suggested that I take the appointment coming to me for one last stretch, massage, and instruction.  It's funny - just a week prior I was so worried about stopping PT and here I was wanting to cancel even the one visit I have left. 

I don't know what precipitated it.  Maybe several things: First of all I am tired of taking the time out of my day to go to my appointment.  When it was ALL I was doing and it was my top priority that was different.  Now I am ready to get on with my life.  Also, instead of exercising specifically I am finding that I am doing more real-life things.  In other words, instead of practicing my stair exercises I am actually taking the stairs - up AND down.  Instead of just practicing my balancing exercises I have started doing my belly dance drills, which require a great deal of balance.  Instead of just doing my pool PT, I have started to do "real" swimming. 

I have also come to terms with the fact that I do have nine more months to go.  I understand that I will be in pain on and off.  I understand that my knee will feel stiff and swollen - maybe even beyond the one-year mark.  I understand that many things I long to do, will come in time, with strength and endurance.  I understand that it's time to move into real life ... but still with patience and precautions. 

I also realized - maybe just today - that having a total knee replacement was really a life-altering experience for me.  Recovery became my total life priority.  It has taught me to be humble, accepting help from anyone who has been kind enough to offer it.  It has taught me to be patient.  It has taught me that the world is filled with caring and loving people.  It has taught me that I am one of the very lucky ones to be blessed with excellent medical insurance.  It has taught me to realize my limitations, and to slow down and respect the needs of my body.  It has taught me that everything can't get done - and when they don't, then the world keeps spinning and life goes on. 

Something is happening in my family right now (my mother has transitioned into a more severe state of dementia and is not doing well in the nursing home, crying that we don't love her and she would rather kill herself than not live on her own in her apartment) and my sister (who lives 3000 miles away and does not deal with it except through emails) asked how I can "stand" it.  I told her that since having the surgery I have come to appreciate the things that I cannot control, and to keep a cheerful, hopeful attitude anyway.  And that really is the crux of why I call this surgery and recovery a "life-altering experience."  It has taught me the true meaning of the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

 

Miriam