Until I rebelled, my homework last week (if I wanted to) was to record my hunger/fullness scale throughout the day. I stopped doing that after a few days because I found I was never hungrier than a 3, and never was fuller than a 6 (8 is 2 bites too many and 9 and 10 are stuffed!). When I mentioned that to my counselor she said that I have to be careful not to set up another entire set of diet rules (never getting too hungry, never getting stuffed).
She talked about a lot of concepts that I really have to get my head around. I told her that I was not willing to gain weight (which sometimes happens as you enter the IE journey) by eating whenever whatever, and that I felt that if I stayed between a 3 and a 6 my body wouldn't let me eat too much. She said that food is to be enjoyed and we cannot deny the pleasure of it, so sometimes we do have what Dr. Phil calls "a party in your mouth." She said it's not the worst thing in the world, and if we are out at a restaurant, or having a very special meal or treat, sometimes we don't want to stop at "comfortable." And that's okay. I asked her how I wouldn't gain weight if I let myself get to the "one bite too many stage." She said that if I really really listen, my body will have me cut down (or cut out) at the next meal.
OMG NO! Another diet rule smashed to smithereens.... So if I eat too much at night I might not want breakfast, and that's okay. I find that when I talk to people who skip breakfast it's often because they eat so much at night. I wouldn't want to do this every night - but if it happens, and once in a while I skip breakfast, I am not going to whither away and bring my metabolism to a screeching halt.
But back to learning where the line is. I experimented tonight. I ate way more than was necessary (sort of bordering on a binge - which because of all my dieting I have redefined to mean 200-500 calories more than intended.... which is a great improvement over eating until I was sick). (And this is what I was talking about yesterday - CONTROL - even my binges have to be controlled.) But for me a binge isn't just about the amount of food, it's the crazed emotion behind it. Well anyway - binge or not I ate too much.
The difference tonight is that I am not feeling guilty about it (which would lead me to eat more and probably binge all weekend until Monday morning - if I was lucky to stop at Monday morning and not the first day of the next month). Marci said to aim to eat reasonably most of the time - not necessarily all of the time. So tonight was one of those unreasonable times. Once out of a week. No guilt. I can let the control go a little bit and not feel like I am some sort of failure for not getting that A+.
Miriam
Miriam,
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be learning so much (or in some cases UN-learning so much!) from this new program - and having one breakthrough after another!
I know you're no longer counting points, but it seems to me the extra allowance of weekly points in WW (35 I think) is exactly for those times that we go past "reasonable" eating? At least that's what I've used them for. And I do not feel guilty using them - as they are there to be used - though I will say that I almost never used more than 20. Just my own take on this...I'm interested in yours, too, Miriam.
I think you are correct! What my downfall was that I used those 20 points night after night which is why I never lost weight. I originally wanted to start with the counselor to find a way to stay within my Points (I knew I had deeper issues that were keeping me from following any diet program). But when I found she was trained in IE I figured what the heck? lol
ReplyDeleteMy take on it is that those extra points are for "the party" but when you have to party night after night after night it really is no longer about the food. If I had 1000 extra Points I would have eaten them all (and inherent in the diet rebellion, 1000 wouldn't have been enough, just as the 49 was never enough) ... but would I really NEED to, and that is the crux of the matter for me.