Feeling better

Feeling much better this morning.  I was so sick yesterday because of the processed sugar and flour (bagels, cake, ice cream).  I think I am starting to tune into how certain foods make me feel.  Actually, I think I always knew (or at least suspected) but ignored it.  However, I realize today that I totally wasted a perfectly good day and I'm not willing to do that anymore.

My daughter just got back from Europe where she had a sample photo shoot done by her photographer.  Stunning, absolutely stunning. However, it brought up feelings in me that I am not pleased with - mainly the regret and self-recrimination that I didn't just dig in my heels and diet so many months ago when I originally re-joined WW.

Hmmm.... 11:22 a.m., and I just had the pangs of hunger (a 3-4 - not starving hunger).  More specifically, I wish I had a bag of baby carrots.  What's THAT all about?  Could be as innocent as really I'm hungry, as it is almost lunch-time.  But, I suspect thinking about dieting and beating myself up for not losing weight is probably more like it.  (If I were relaxing, enjoying the ocean do you really think I would have had hunger for crunchy carrots right at THIS moment???)  This is the point, in one's IE journey that instead of reaching for the carrots (which I can't do anyway because I'm sitting in my office and I don't want to start lunch this early) one must sit with one's feelings.

I told you this is harder than dieting.  Wouldn't it be easier to run for the carrots, or hit the vending machine for some candy????

You are here in real time, folks.  This is happening as I am typing it.  I don't know what to do with this.

<<PAUSE>>

I went for my bra-fitting with my gown on Saturday... so I'm thinking how really beautiful *I* looked - not just a pretty gown on an ugly fat person...  sitting.... sitting...  I'm thinking about how it's ALL about my daughter and not so much about ME.... sitting... sitting...  I'm thinking about how I don't want to weigh and measure and count my food for the rest of my life.  I don't want to be seventy years old and still looking for a diet.... sitting... sitting....  OMG IT PASSED.....  Still hungry (bona fide, really) but without the sensation that I have to bolt out of my chair and get something to eat.

It's 90 degrees, it's almost noon sun, I don't have sunscreen with me... but I'm going for a walk. 

Miriam