Trying not to succumb to diet mentality

First of all, let me say, that there is nothing inherently wrong with diet mentality if it makes you aware of what you are eating and helps you to make smarter choices.  The problem arises (as it does with me) when it becomes the overwhelming dictator of one's life.  And one is either good or bad depending upon whether one has followed or not followed the diet du jour.  My life has been painfully defined by my dieting attempts and I have nothing to show for it but a whacked-out metabolism and a somewhat faulty self-image.  Oh, and I'm fatter than I ever have been. 

So with that, I have been quite relieved to enter the world of no weighing/measuring/food journaling through the new way I have been eating.  However, all of a sudden I got such a strong urge to fit my new eating into conventional dieting tools.  I went to My Fitness Pal and logged my food for today - which - even including a treat in the evening - is still way below my calorie total for the day (I am sure that will be filled in, no problem!).  I even put in two recipes that I am having today and tomorrow - one is for a cookie, which comes to about 100 calories even with all its deliciousness! - and the other is for a stew using 2 1/2 pounds of beef, which, that alone, is close to 2000 calories (but per serving is less than 300). 

I guess this confirmed two things for me: I absolutely CAN trust myself to make good meal choices; and cutting out processed-type starches really does allow tons of other real food so there is no need to be hungry or worry that I will consume thousands and thousands of  calories.

However, I did learn something interesting this weekend.  As I mentioned in an earlier blog I worked very hard this Summer and Fall to break free from emotional eating and to break my addiction-like tendencies towards sugar and a myriad of processed foods (bread, potato chips, you all know what they are!).  But yesterday I made the most YUMMY gluten-free banana bread.  The entire recipe used just 3 TBS of honey and very little coconut and almond flour - just to hold it together.  OH MY...  I realized that my craziness extends not just to the ingredients that an item might have, but to the IDEA of a food.  I had just one small piece of the banana bread and I wanted it ALL - immediately.  Of course I didn't, but I did have more than the one initial piece.  I realized that something doesn't need white flour and a ton of sugar to get me going... just the IDEA of a sweet is enough to get me going!  So although calorie-wise, the banana bread really won't do much damage (well one piece of it anyway), I am not going to have any more while it is in the house. 

I think that breaking free from emotional eating is not coming to a place where nothing will ever set you off again.  I think that it is that you now have awareness of what will set you off, and you can plan accordingly.  It is the mindfulness that sets you free, not that nothing will ever trigger you again.

Miriam
p.s. What about that cookie, you ask?  More on that later! :)