Trusting the process....

Hi Everyone - just spoke with a friend (KCalla from Dotties) and worked some things out in my head with regard to this blog.  I have decided to start writing again.  After going through my summer bucket list I had a hiatus - not from working, just from writing.  I went through two very intense personal programs by Karly Randolph Pitman (Growing Human Kindness and Untangled)  which helped me help myself get to the end of my sugar addiction and for the most part, to the end of my emotional eating.  It was a long hard (and eye-opening) journey, but I've come out the tunnel and into the light and am ready to move on. Neither was easy (giving up sugar and ending emotional eating) and I acknowledge that I might only be a visitor with those two concepts, rather than a permanent resident, but I am comfortable enough where I am. If I stay long enough, I will put down new roots!

At the heels of giving up sugar (in May) I also gave up gluten in September.  I know there is a lot of hype about gluten intolerance (and indeed, if you don't have celiac disease, the jury is still out on whether or not you are actually even sensitive to gluten) but anecdotal evidence was enough to get me to try it.  Within days of no gluten, the stiffness in my hands disappeared, and I was able to get out of the car after an hour's commute and just walk... no stretching, no limping, no holding on to the car till I got my bearings.  I still do have joint pain, so I am not saying IT'S A MIRACLE!!!!!!!, but the stiffness is pretty much gone and I am so grateful for that.  Let's me hope that a reduction in my arthritis pain (at this point in many parts of my body) might be in my future.

I am also struggling with Hashimoto's disease (a thyroid autoimmune condition).  My thyroid tests are absolutely within normal range, but I still have low thyroid symptoms (not the least of which is spotty alopecia areata another autoimmune issue - probably not noticeable to anyone but me, but I do notice the spots where you can see straight through to my scalp.  If I do my hair just right, I almost don't notice!  So anyway, I have all these thyroid symptoms but my tests are normal, which led me to the book: Why Do I Still Have Thyroid Symptoms?  Working through this book, one of the things the author says is the best thing for autoimmune conditions - and specifically Hashimoto's - is to eat in a Paleo way.  (No links on that - by now EVERYONE knows what Paleo is!)  I had already given up all gluten and sugar so I figured, I might as well take the next step.

For about 2-3 weeks now, I have had no grains or legumes, and that has been the biggest change for me.  I can't say that I have been following the total "Paleo lifestyle" but I have modified a lot of what and how I have been eating, and feel MUCH better overall.  The reason I am not going Paleo (or Primal) all the way is that, one of the reasons for my success with Pitman's programs was that I had to really work hard to forgive myself for all the time and money I spent on (at least) 50 different diets. I realize now that they were attempts to care for myself, and can let the anger go.  Part of the problem was that I bought into the dogma hook-line-and-sinker of all these diets, which were proclaimed "life styles" and I refuse to do that ever again. Another thing Karly teaches is the mantra "I will no longer wage war against myself."  That means being KIND to myself.  Too much of the various dieting dogmas are just plain harsh and unkind.  Being kind means eating foods and quantities that make my body hum.  It also means being open to rejecting things that a diet-lifestyle dogma insists upon.

I don't (for now) eat grains or legumes.  I do not eat processed foods.Yes, I define processed a little more liberally than a raw food down-home farmer would, such as I will used processed ghee rather than make my own; eat canned tomatoes; use bottled spices - and if you think of it... these are ALL processed!  It's the degree to which they processed and whether there are additives in them.  I DO have caffeine, I DO have diary - but for the most part limited to 1/2 cup of organic milk for my one cappuccino a day, and my 2 tablespoons of cream for my one regular coffee. 

I have switched to a grass-fed beef and lamb, wild-caught fish, free range chicken, and any pork products without nitrates (can we say bacon? lol).  I innocently asked the guy at the Whole Foods meat counter if he had any grass fed pork.  When he stopped laughing he explained that pigs don't eat grass! LOL ... but that all the meat they carry is antibiotic free, and whatever other considerations there might be to top quality meats.  I get omega-3 free range eggs, organic dairy (when I do buy it) and organic fruits and vegetables if they are warranted. 

So in many ways I have shifted my diet and lifestyle, and I am feeling 100% better for it.  I am thoroughly enjoying all my new Paleo cookbooks: Against All Grain, Practical Paleo - which was my first book, and ALL Sarah Fragoso's Every Day Paleo books - especially her very first in the Around the World Series, on Italian Cooking.

I am still working very hard on ditching the diet mentality.  My clothes are looser and I feel terrific, but the scale isn't budging - which makes me (as recently as this morning) want to take all my new recipes, put them into some sort of recipe builder (either calories or WW Points) and start weighing and measuring everything that goes into my mouth.  I had to take a step back and realize that I have to trust the process, and, more importantly, trust myself.  I remember one of my blogs from AGES ago where I said that all I want to do is learn to trust myself and to listen to my body.  I am still there.  The difference is that I feel now that I have the tools to see it through.

I know - as Babs has said for herself - that blogging really keeps me grounded in the process.  So here I am, back again - but with a REAL new me to go with that new knee! 

Miriam