The fog is clearing....

After scaring myself with that "driven" eating behavior I have been doing well the past couple of days.  I also have worked out some hunger triggers that, if I plan well enough, won't send me into a downward spiral.  For instance, I realized that I MUST have a snack before going to the gym and also have something ready in the car for afterward.  I also have to have something before leaving work and heading home.  And I also know that peanut butter and whole grains hold me well - so today before leaving work I am going to have Wasa bread crackers (a whole grain thick, hard "cracker") with freshly ground almond butter and a touch of Polaner's All Fruit.  I also have a bottle of water in the car that was frozen solid this morning, but should be the perfect temp this afternoon. 

I also tried a different tact with the gym.  Instead of going at my lunch hour (where I am so hungry before and after), I went before work right after breakfast.  It was PERFECT!  I also am in a nice routine now - I started with 20 minutes of serious stretching in the hot tub, then swam in the "big girl" pool, keeping up with the other swimmers in the lane (since surgery I had been doing my laps in the recreation pool which is short and shallow).  I was so stiff after my stretches in the tub (which really surprised me - I would think everything would be nice and loose - but I think what happened is that things got swollen) - but after the swim in the cool pool, things felt better.  I am just going to trust the process and not worry that I am doing something wrong - because I know I am not!

A little further contemplation about life today.  My aunt (my mother's almost 100-year-old) sister died in her sleep during the night.  We know it was coming, and I am glad she went peacefully, but between that loss and what is going on with my mother I figured I can take either of two roads:  (1) I can not take the best care of myself because... what the heck? it's all going to be coming to an end anyway.... OR (2) I can take the best care of myself and have every minute on this earth be as healthy as I can make it.  I think I'll pick #2, thank you.  Especially - I think of my mother who is in excellent health.  What would my life be like if, in addition to her Alzheimer's disease, she was also sick - needing a wheelchair, needing medication, being in pain, etc.  I don't want that for my children if I can help it.  I'm grateful that my mother took such good care of herself.  She cannot help what is happening to her mind, but at least she didn't burden herself or others with poor physical health.

So - it's stretches, swimming, walking, and healthy eating for me!  (And as clear a mind as possible!)  Thank you for your comments on my last blog - sometimes cyber-hugs feel as warm and caring as in-person ones.

Miriam