It's in the cards

Today I was looking on the Weight Watchers website and there is a four-page spread on Disney World AND fantastic links that I wish I had when I was there last time (including the bus schedule from Downtown Disney to Seaworld).

One of the big things was the amount that you walk while at Disney:

1	Walk. The average guest logs 5 to 6 miles a day — probably without even realizing it! Check this chart for the typical distance between popular areas.

Path (Point A to B)	Distance (miles)
BoardWalk Resort in Epcot area to Disney’s Hollywood Studios	0.9*
Around Barefoot Bay at Caribbean Beach Resort in Epcot area	1.4
Magic Kingdom entrance to Space Mountain	0.5
Animal Kingdom entrance to Safari	0.9
Around World Showcase Lagoon (Epcot international pavilions that surround the water, including Canada, United Kingdom, France, Morocco, Japan, The American Adventure, Italy, Germany, China, Norway and Mexico)	1.2

So this is right in keeping with my goals to be able to walk three miles.  I swear the day I walk 3 miles I am booking my trip - even if it overlaps with my daughter's wedding!

This morning I did the hot tub and pool before work.  It was so great to get it out of the way - but it still took me over an hour to get into the city - even at the early hour.  I was glad to have it off my plate because then I was able to visit my mother at lunch.  She is the happiest I've seen her.  She was moved to an Alzheimer's unit on Monday.  My brother, sister-in-law and I went in on Sunday to bring her personal items and to hang pictures and to make it homey.  She said she likes her new "apartment" (it is the identical room/bed that she had before but on a different floor). They have activities like clipping coupons and making shopping lists so she will be right in her element.  They also adjusted her medication so she is no hallucinating about her car in the garage or the baby carriages in the room next door.  I hope that from here, even though her condition is deteriorating, that it only gets better....

My knee has been "zinging" like crazy - I think the nerves are growing back.  There's a spot where the doctor peels back the skin to do the surgery and it can either stay numb forever, or "zing" like it is doing today - which is a GOOD thing.  I think it was all my walking yesterday, and my swimming this morning that is doing it. I must be bringing in good circulation by doing all that movement.

All good.

Miriam

Training for Disney

The Princess half-marathon you ask?  I wish!  I actually wanted to do that about two years before my knee replacement and my doctor said that if I attempted it they would have to bring me back in a wheel chair and schedule surgery for BOTH knees.

I went for my first full 1-mile walk this afternoon.  Took well over an hour with all the stops I had to make to sit down and rest my body.  I put it that way because in a cardio sense, I was crawling like a snail so there was no exertion, but my body was killing me - my quads, glutes, knees, back - everything.  While I was walking I said I have been having this all wrong in terms of going to Disney.

First let me say, that Disney is my most favorite place to visit, and I have no argument against it calling itself "The Happiest Place on Earth."  I have been to Europe, the Middle East, and many many US states - including Hawaii which is absolutely gorgeous, and Canada, and I'm sorry, friends - but there is NO where else I would rather be than Walt Disney World.  So - that being said, let me just say that I am practically pining away with thoughts of going.  I had to cancel a trip at Christmas, 2009 because I had just had rotator-cuff surgery on December 1st, and the trip was scheduled for the 13th.  Then now my knee surgery.

I was thinking - oh when I lose weight that will be my reward.  When I am back from my daughter's wedding (in Italy, no less) then I will save money and vacation time for my trip to Disney, etc.  Well boy, did I have an eye-opener today about 1/4 way into my walk.

It has nothing to do with money, time off, rewards, etc.  It has to do with - can I walk three miles without having to stop and call the paramedics?  Granted, last time I went I used the old-lady scooter around Epcot and it made a HUGE difference in how I enjoyed that park, but the other parks (Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom) are not conducive to those scooters.  As it is, I got dirty looks when using the scooter in Epcot - and those "roadways/streets" are as wide as 2-3 lane roads!  With the tightness of the other parks I couldn't see myself scootering around.

So - call it a reward if you will, for all the hard work it is going to take, but the issue isn't money saved or weight lost.  It's can I walk?  Can I endure a day on my feet without pain and the ensuing whimpering?  I just wouldn't enjoy myself - no matter HOW happy WDW is, if I was in any fraction of the discomfort I was in just with this one mile today.

I know it has to get better (well... only if I keep it up).  So I am now officially in training for a trip to Disney.  It won't hurt, either, that my daughter's wedding is in September of next year and it will be nice to be in shape for that too! :)

Miriam

Good Saturday afternoon

I've had a couple of tough days with BOTH knees.  First of all, on Wednesday night I had to take out the ice and ice before bed - which I haven't done in ages.  The knee remained swollen on Thursday.  When I went to physical therapy I was telling her that I can't imagine what I did to it - and her answer was "Do you know how rainy it's been?"  So I guess even with a new joint I'm going to be sensitive to changes in the weather (which they told me months ago but didn't know I would have the swelling too!) for a long while.

My husband came to PT and learned how to do the stretch outs for my quads.  He learned two different ones that work on different areas - something I cannot do on or to myself.  I'm so grateful that his attentiveness to my needs has continued way beyond the acute recovery stage.  I am very lucky! 

The other reason I think my knees are bothering me is that I have been thinking for a long time that I am sensitive to sugar and that it is an inflammatory in my body that affects all my joints, but particularly my knees.  The connection was made this week because after the funeral I went to my cousin's house and of course there was a huge spread of every pastry, cake, and cookie imaginable.  I ate them.  Then a day later I went back to her house - to face the same spread but all new things.  I ate them.  I really OD'd on sugar which I haven't done in a long time.  It's also been a long time since BOTH knees hurt so much.  (Okay some of it could have been the rain, but I know the sugar played some part. 

In my healthier way of eating (all of about five days not including the sugar OD) I have been feeling much better sticking mostly to fruits, legumes and vegetables.  So, I'm trying to pay more attention to what I'm eating - not just how much.  I know from being a career dieter that processed sugars and flours (read: candies, cookies, cakes, pastries, etc.) send me in a downward spiral.  I am one of those people who CANNOT have just a bite, or eat in moderation.  I have always been most successful when I have cut these foods out of my eating plans.  Now that I see that it also affects the pain level in my knees, it's all the more reason to pay attention.

Back to the knees, got the confirmation that the knee will be tight and somewhat swollen for a LONG time to come... that's why they give it a year before you can say you are really yourself.  I also learned a new way to walk - the worst of it has been my fear that I am going to fall because my knee still "buckles."  The therapist demonstrated the difference between leading with your head (and maybe looking down), and leading with your chest.  I changed my posture several times, paid very close attention to my knees, and could absolutely feel a difference in them.  It's this difference that causes the buckling, and if I am very conscious of walking upright I should greatly reduce any chance of buckling and falling. 

Going over later today to decorate my mom's new room in the Alzheimer's unit (they are moving her in on Monday).  With the new resolve to just stay sugar free and no other "rules" than that, I should ward off a lot of damage that I usually do with emotional eating.  After all... pizza crust has  sugar (never mind the flour!) and so does the sauce! And even fast food fries are brushed with dextrose when they come from the warehouse.  The breading on onion rings has flour AND sugar...  lol... I could go on...

Have a good weekend.

Miriam 

Still mighty chilly

You know the H-E-D-H-S freezing over from the post prior to this one?  I was going to work this morning with the intention of using the aquatics center before work.  I started out running early, but landed up running late because of a HUGE "NSV" - it is trash day and no one remembered to take things out last night.  So before going to work *I* brought out all the recycling from the house to the recycling crate outside and brought it to the curb.  Then I went upstairs into the house and brought out the trash to the trash can and brought that to the curb. Then I went upstairs AGAIN and brought out all my stuff for work.  I had to laugh because it was the first time I'd had trash duty since before my surgery!  I suppose.... a YIPPEE is in order.

Okay so I'm running late but my body is craving my stretches in the hot tub.  All the way in I'm trying to talk myself out of this because I will have less than even 45 minutes to use the water because not only am I running late, but because of the later time, the traffic is worse.  I'm running everything through my head over and over.  I finally decided that no matter how the day unfolds I need to do my stretches.  I also know that I will not do them on land.  I tell myself that if I only use the hot tub and don't swim then I can shower from the neck down and not have to do my hair (a plus) but I will miss my favorite swimming time (a negative).  I'm arguing with myself for at least 2 miles.  My car automatically turns itself onto the street where I need to park - I don't know how it did that, but it did, and I found myself in the only open space in front of the door.

I go in and am totally in bliss as a lower myself into the hot tub.  It took me a full half-hour to stretch, leaving me five minutes before the aquatics area closes.  They blew the whistle to give the five minute warning and I took what I could get and went into the pool for a nice cool down (with no swimming). 

As it turns out I had a lunch-time staff meeting that I had forgotten about, so it is so perfect that I went this morning when I did.  I think I really am going to make a commitment to go in the mornings instead of at lunch (because I also need my lunch hour free in order to visit my mother when I can).  I am also going to make sure that the trash and recycling are brought to the curb the night before pickup!

Food-wise, I have been enjoying lighter eating.  I had my usual laughing cow cheese with cucumber slices on Wasa crackers and a coffee for breakfast.  For lunch I had tuna and light mayo, a LOVELY salad, and fruit salad for lunch.  On the way home I was so hungry but talked myself into waiting until I got home to eat (no easy feat since I had to make one stop to get a headlight replaced, and a second stop to get a tire replaced).  I made turkey meatballs with light and chunky spaghetti sauce, over whole wheat pasta.  I'm due another fruit before the day is out, and if I really "need" it I will make some hot air popcorn.

So, all in all, a good healthy day!

Miriam

REALLY new knee new me!

Okay so - H-E-double hockey sticks has finally frozen over.  I got into the car and on my day OFF, I drove the entire commute to where I work (an hour each way - even without traffic!) to go to the gym.  The whole weekend I was longing for the hot tub and the pool.  But not just to be in them - I was DYING to do my stretches and swim and feel good (and drink my water - which is SO easy when I'm sitting in the 104 degree hot tub).  I just don't feel like doing the stretches on land - they feel SO good in the hot water.  So I was 1/2 hour in the tub stretching, then swam 10 full laps (the most I've done since before surgery), and decompressed my knee for 3 minutes (that's just hanging in the deep water, letting your joints open up).  I could have swum much longer but I remember when I first went into the pool during my recovery and things felt so good I way over did it and paid the piper the next day.  My plan is to swim 10 laps this week, then increase by 2 laps every week until I am back to my mile of swimming (I can't remember how many laps - I have to look it up but I think it's about 30 or so). 

So not only has H-E-D-H-S (see above! lol) frozen over but I think I saw some pigs flying overhead several times today.  As I was sitting last night running food choices through my head last night (and again this morning) I felt such a great sadness mingled with HUGE confusion because - although my weight didn't waiver an ounce the entire three months I was sitting home with my tush glued to the recliner - I GAINED six pounds since starting officially dieting a few weeks ago (after immediately losing those same six pounds).  Dieting just drives me up a wall (and over and down the other side, through five fields, across the lake, and up and down 1/2 dozen more walls). 

I always felt that, since I am a career diet (mom dropped me off at a WW meeting when I was 16 years old to give THAT diet a try) I absolutely know what to eat and how much to eat.  Further, I have a fairly  healthy lifestyle (well, for where I am right now with my limited exercise) that it's just insane that I yo-yo and cycle through the same 10 pounds.  We don't eat processed foods, I barely have any junk in the house (*I* don't buy it but my husband might come home with cookies and chips), I know all about portion size, etc.  But - and especially with the stress I have been under lately - I eat beyond dinner, and I am susceptible to emotional eating (remember the pizza, onion ring and chips post a few back???) and I eat at night. - it might not even be junk just more of whatever I have eaten during the day. 

So I feel I've had a big turn-around with the help of two chat friends just today.  This turn around perfectly matches my turn around in terms of doing my exercises.  First of all, Jenn turned me on to the following site:
http://www.wheatfreemeatfree.com/.  I am not committed to be a vegetarian, but I have been thinking so much about it lately - especially since my most favorite recipes are vegetarian and I have naturally been weaning myself off red meat.  The site is so fantastic I immediately made the split pea soup and the red cabbage salad.  The second help was that I was talking to my chat friend Trish, and telling her my hardest time is at night, and she suggested that I actually have something ready for the evening.  So I dusted off my hot-air popcorn maker, and took out my container of organic kernels that had been hiding in the far recesses of my cabinet. 

I think that if I'm feeling better physically it will be easier to eat smart.  And, if I'm eating smart it will be easier to keep up with my exercises.  My other tactic is that I am going to try to have a substantial hot soup ready (or at least available) so that's what I can have when I walk through the door from work. None of those clear broths - but something like I just made (split pea) or lentil or bean soup.  Better yet, if I could have dinner ready then I really have a chance... Also, in spite of having lunch just before going into the pool, I was ready for the after-pool hunger: I was armed with apples and diet Snapple! 

I think I might be getting a handle on this....:)

Miriam

The fog is clearing....

After scaring myself with that "driven" eating behavior I have been doing well the past couple of days.  I also have worked out some hunger triggers that, if I plan well enough, won't send me into a downward spiral.  For instance, I realized that I MUST have a snack before going to the gym and also have something ready in the car for afterward.  I also have to have something before leaving work and heading home.  And I also know that peanut butter and whole grains hold me well - so today before leaving work I am going to have Wasa bread crackers (a whole grain thick, hard "cracker") with freshly ground almond butter and a touch of Polaner's All Fruit.  I also have a bottle of water in the car that was frozen solid this morning, but should be the perfect temp this afternoon. 

I also tried a different tact with the gym.  Instead of going at my lunch hour (where I am so hungry before and after), I went before work right after breakfast.  It was PERFECT!  I also am in a nice routine now - I started with 20 minutes of serious stretching in the hot tub, then swam in the "big girl" pool, keeping up with the other swimmers in the lane (since surgery I had been doing my laps in the recreation pool which is short and shallow).  I was so stiff after my stretches in the tub (which really surprised me - I would think everything would be nice and loose - but I think what happened is that things got swollen) - but after the swim in the cool pool, things felt better.  I am just going to trust the process and not worry that I am doing something wrong - because I know I am not!

A little further contemplation about life today.  My aunt (my mother's almost 100-year-old) sister died in her sleep during the night.  We know it was coming, and I am glad she went peacefully, but between that loss and what is going on with my mother I figured I can take either of two roads:  (1) I can not take the best care of myself because... what the heck? it's all going to be coming to an end anyway.... OR (2) I can take the best care of myself and have every minute on this earth be as healthy as I can make it.  I think I'll pick #2, thank you.  Especially - I think of my mother who is in excellent health.  What would my life be like if, in addition to her Alzheimer's disease, she was also sick - needing a wheelchair, needing medication, being in pain, etc.  I don't want that for my children if I can help it.  I'm grateful that my mother took such good care of herself.  She cannot help what is happening to her mind, but at least she didn't burden herself or others with poor physical health.

So - it's stretches, swimming, walking, and healthy eating for me!  (And as clear a mind as possible!)  Thank you for your comments on my last blog - sometimes cyber-hugs feel as warm and caring as in-person ones.

Miriam

Where has my mother gone?

Right now our family is facing a very sad situation.  My mother is transitioning into the next stage of dementia.  She is moving from mild/moderate into moderate/severe dementia.  During this transition phase she is very agitated, crying that we don't love her and that she wants to kill herself.  When we visited yesterday my brother had to leave the room he was so upset, but I stayed and talked with her for a while longer.  I "prided" myself that I was able to take it better than my brother but the proof is in the pudding.  Both yesterday and today I ate like there is no tomorrow.  I guess I am not taking it better than my brother... I would have done better to leave the room.

So today I wanted to go to the pool, but I didn't want to go to the pool.  I told myself that I would only go into the hot tub to stretch, then if I felt like doing anything else I would.  So I did my stretches for 20 minutes, then went swimming, then decided I needed some pure fun so I got on an inner tube and just floated around the lazy river for a while.  Then back in the hot tub for a last 5 minutes of relaxing.  A nice long hot shower topped it off.

I get out of the gym and I'm so hungry!  I hadn't brought lunch because we were without power for about 36 hours, and my fridge was empty.  So, I went to Shaw's Supermarket and made myself a salad.  I knew I was in trouble when I added the croutons.  Then I went over to the hot food bar and got two slices of pizza and onion rings... oh and a bag of chips.  before I got back to the office I had one slice of pizza and the onion rings.  Back in the office I had the second slice of pizza.  When I got home I had the bag of chips.  Oh the salad? Haven't touched it.

So why am I writing this?  Twofold - first, I need to see it myself.  I need to acknowledge that I did this today, and ask myself WHY am I doing this?  Well, I know why I am doing this - but the question is why isn't my drive to get better by taking weight off my knees more important than turning to food, when the food provides no solace whatsoever?  It's not even the food that takes my mind off my "lost" mother and my helplessness - it's that when I am busy beating myself up and hating myself for eating so stupidly, I don't have room in my thoughts for anything else.  The second reason I am writing this is that I have received a lot of comments about this blog (not just the comments that are posted for everyone to see - and by the way, I thank you ALL for doing so) - and you are all complimenting my upbeat attitude and my willingness to do whatever it takes to have a good recovery.  I feel like a fraud when I look back to my onion rings and pizza (and all the other eating I have done that has kept me playing with the same 5 pounds for three months instead of taking anything off permanently) and I need to come clean.  I am NOT doing what it takes to have a speedy recovery. 

I have to keep repeating the serenity prayer that I wrote about yesterday.  I can't change what is happening to my mother, but I can change the path my recovery takes.  The change starts with me and my food choices.  I declare this minute that I will not confuse what I cannot control with what I can control.  My mother, as I know her, may be lost to me and I have no control over that, but my recovery can only be lost to me if *I* allow it to happen.   Again, serenity now.................

Miriam