My  day of reckoning. 

What do I mean?  My first Mother's Day as a grandma.  My first day hitting rock bottom in the way I feel and KNOWING that I am doing it to myself.  I know I have said it before or have told myself that before but this is the first time I have had the TOOLS to deal with it.  (Not a DIET to deal with it.)

I have been through a "Mindful Eating" course and am working with a nutritionist at my health care practice who has also worked on mindful eating programs and has written a marvelous book on the subject.  At my last meeting with her I begged her to let me count calories (well actually I can do whatever I want - but I asked if she would work with me in that direction).  She relented but said that she felt my life is bigger than that and I have the tools and resources to eat in other ways than measuring and counting.  Her push has been for a more plant-based way of eating (but not Vegan - just a conscientious practice of making my plate 50% - 75% vegetables.  

After a couple of weeks of doing it MY way I realize she was right and I was wrong.  I thought that mixing counting with mindful eating would be a perfect meld of the situation, but I am reminded of all my attempts to meld - instead of just doing the work.  I need to meld mindful eating with mindful eating.  And that mindful eating must include more plant-based meals.  It is the only thing that I can see as sustainable in the long run.

I also have been reading Garden Girl's blog over and over and over again.  My takeaway is that I need to think for myself and do what works and let go of what doesn't work.  A Paleo "template" works for me.  Being grain-free works for me.  Being dairy-free is harder but works for me.  Being (for the most part) sugar-free is easy for me and works for me.  (The "for the most part" is because I am able to eat things with a low sugar count - such as a good quality catchup - but I cannot eat sugar in baked goods or having sugar-contain products more than a couple of times a week, if that.)  Limiting myself to 2 fruits a day (because of my blood sugar reaction to them) is not so easy, but works for me.  Drinking more water (not easy for me) works for me.

Eating everything in moderation does NOT work for me.  Eating at night after dinner does NOT work for me.  Going along with the gang and taking a vacation from GFSF (grain-free sugar-free) eating does NOT work for me. Coming home and getting in my nightgown and onto my iPad before dinner does NOT work for me! (LOL - you think?) 

What does work?  Blogging works for me because staying away from it means that I am staying away from the truth and it means that I am tending to lie to myself.  Decluttering and downsizing works for me because as I am clearing out physical clutter I find myself clearing out food and emotional clutter.  I have been fascinated by the changes in me and my perceptions since beginning my downsizing projects.

Anyway - I hope to be back often.  It will be a sign that hitting rock bottom paid off and that I am on my way up.