Diet Scare

So yesterday (Sunday) is my usual cooking day.  I made no-noodle lasagna (which came out sort of like eggplant Parmesan - which is fine by me; barley skillet casserole; sausage breakfast casserole; pumpkin pie; then everything for dinner: roast chicken, couscous pilaf, cranberry orange relish, and brussels sprouts with shallots and bacon.  (ALL WW and Emily Bites recipes, by the way!!)  Okay I'm cool.  I don't need to eat it all at once - it's for the whole week.

What I did do was have a slice of the lasagna.  OMG --- TOO yummy.  I had a second piece.  Enter: THE DIET MENTALITY.  In my mind I know each slice is 9 points (even though I didn't write it down!) and when I had the two slices I am thinking - OMG 18 points - that's more than half my allowance for the day.  If I stopped with the thought I wouldn't be having this conversation.  IHowever, IMMEDIATELY my mind went to the "black and white I've blown it" version of how I've lived the past 50 year of my life, and I started to think of everything else I could possibly eat. Then I called up my WW tracking site again and started to write things down. Ditched that.  Started to look up Core-type programs figuring out if I could get away with calling the lasagna "Core" thereby giving myself after-the-fact permission for eating it.  I could see myself being sucked into the bottomless vortex of diet mentality.  I left the house and pursued my other addiction - shopping.

I ate WAY too much at dinner (not way too much because of points values, but way too much because I was full and kept eating -- after all, I had already blown the day).  THEN scouted out chocolate candy once I was in bed for the night.  This was all triggered, of course, not by the lasagna but going back further into the day - by getting on the scale and seeing a gain. (Sorry for the graphic - but I should have weighed myself again AFTER going to the bathroom - lol.)   I should have just gotten back in bed at that first point and have stayed with covers over my head for the rest of the day.

So after contemplating that this IE experience is so new it still takes so little to catapult me into diet mentality, I decided to make this a fresh day.  As I went to finish my second cup of coffee, I realized I didn't want it but was only drinking it because I had already measured out (and "counted") the cream.  WHAT AM I DOING?  I threw it out.  Then I was a little hungry (I had eaten so much yesterday I wasn't starving at my usual 6AM) but instead of eating at that moment, I realized that what I really wanted was the breakfast casserole that I had assembled yesterday and "soaked" overnight.  So I put it in the oven and patiently waited.  I had the most yummy slice (without that second cup of coffee) for breakfast.  THEN I faced that lasagna again later for lunch.  But this time I did it in a SMART way.  I had a salad first.  Then steamed asparagus to have on the side.  AND put it all on my favorite plates, that I have reserved for company (I think I will use them more often - just for me!).  It was a perfect portion -- same as yesterday, but today I wasn't blinded by the sparkle of DM (diet mentality).  

I was watching Oprah's Lifeclass last night and my favorite person (Joel Osteen) was on it - they were talking about this:  "Whatever follows 'I am' will find you."  So today instead of the usual "I am's" I am going to say today:  I am smart.  I am able to understand and incorporate IE into my life.  I am able to pick myself up after falling into the DM vortex.  I am able to be patient with myself.  I AM STRONG.

Miriam