Days 8, 9 and 10 - it's all about support!

The next 3 days, which complete Days 1-10, are all about support: Asking for what you need, identifying your support systems and appreciating good support.  I am very lucky in that my entire family is supportive.  My husband has drastically altered his way of cooking to accommodate me - although once in a while he says "I know you like this with less butter but I just had to make the original recipe... but I made a plain ___ for you."  So the "good stuff" still sometimes makes its way to the table, but he always makes sure there is a different version of whatever it is, for me.  My daughter, on her own weight loss journey with her fiance, is always supportive, and my brother, who joined WW because of me, always supports my food choices and requests (and he's very "good" about our lunches with mom - letting me take the lead in what we will be having).

But the biggest family supporter is my son, who is a wonderful example of eating right and fitness goals.  Because of him I've made the final decision to join the Y.  I am going tonight to get the paperwork and have a meeting tomorrow morning for a "Wellness Consultation"  - the description is: "You will work together (with your consultant) to identify programs and activities at the Y that will help support you in reaching your goals.  Your consultant will help you put together a plan to get started, get back on track or move to the next level.    Then on Monday night I have an "Equipment Orientation" where (for free) I get two 45 minute sessions with a trainer who will set up a work-out card and figure out what is best for my situation, health and goals.

THEN I'm also signing up for the "In it to lose it team fitness challenge" that starts on February 27th.  So all in all, I think I am absolutely making the correct decision to cancel my WW membership and use the time and money for the Y.  My son and I will split the cost of a family membership (they are bending over backwards to work with the fact that he already has, and has paid for, an individual membership) and it comes to $40 each (per month).  There is also a pool and steam room (although I would have loved a hot tub) but for now I'm going to work on the strengthening equipment.  What's nice is that if I do this all on my way home from work I am 5 minutes away from home.  Or, on days I don't have to come in early, I can even go before work and leave from there.  There's also a yoga class I'm interested in, but I have to talk to the instructor to see if I can handle it, as I can't be on my knees at all.

I have also to thank my in-person friends (especially the gals at work who are always complimenting me and who are supportive when we face down "office food") and especially my cyber-girlfriends.  These include all the wonderful people I have met on various websites, in chat rooms, on blogs (and thank you especially if you are followers of this blog), and especially those closest with whom I share daily emails, chats and updates, trials and tribulations -and successes! 

I'm looking forward to moving on to Day 11 tomorrow.  Sometimes I feel like Bill Murray in "Groundhog Day" needing to repeat Days 1-7 over and over again.  But now with the commitment to the Y, I hope I can move on.

Dear Groundhog: I know it's your official day on Thursday, but please... I'm done with you for now!

Miriam

Days 6 and 7: I can do it!

Okay I'm ready to move on.  Day 6 is "Protect your Program" and Day 7 is "I can do it!"  Right now, as we "speak" I am protecting my program.  I have a group support meeting at my mother's nursing home at 5:30, which means a late arrival home and as I always eat dinner as soon as walking through the door, I saved my mug of vegetable soup from lunch and am having it now (4:30PM).  I also have an apple for the car ride home from the nursing home.  They have yummy (so I'm told) cookies at these meetings, but I've already decided I am not even looking at them when I walk through the door. First of all, I won't be hungry and second of all - calculating whether or not I can have them is moot now that I'm not doing calories or Points.  I'm not going to have cookies just because I am not going to have cookies.  I also have dinner waiting for me at home!

Day 7 is "I can do it" - As I mentioned in my earlier Day 7 blog I made little flashcards with the following I CAN DO IT statements:

1. I can do it.
2. I am totally determined.
3. I am using a great weight-loss plan.
4. I am capable of accomplishing anything.
5. Others have done it and so can I.
6. I've done it before and I can do it again.

I think these were directly from the book, but then I added in my own workbook: "I can do it BECAUSE:
1. I'm smart.
2. I'm a good cook.
3. I'm a good planner.
4. I want it.
5. I've done it before and I can do it again.

It's been a while since I've taken out my flashcards.  Now that I am really doing this 100-Days program I can see it's not just passive reading.  I have to work with my "magic notebook", I have to read my "I Can Do It" flashcards, and do whatever else is called for.  This blog is my journal so if I stay true to posting, at least I have this piece of the puzzle.  I'm wondering, though, if I have to keep repeating Days 1-7 before moving on... I'll see what tomorrow brings.

24-hours TAB free and surviving!

Miriam

I feel a blog coming on... Day 5 magic notebook

I just read my friend Babs' journal who is also on Day 5.  I already did address Day 5 (The Magic Notebook) last week, but I didn't actually do anything about it.  I did NOT write down foods that I wanted to eat instead of eating them, so I really didn't give that lesson a chance to do its work.  I said I was going to, but I didn't.  The road being paved with good intentions and all....  However, I have to add another Boundary to my plan (which I am becoming to realize is more about behaviors and less about foods)  and that is to actually write down what it is that I want to eat that would be off my program.  Then I need to look at it, sit with it, and then make a decision whether or not I really want it.  Truly want it.

Babs suggested having a substitution list available.  However, for me personally, that is not a good idea.  The reason for that is that the food I might be wanting at the time really represents behavior, not the food itself.  If I've had a good dinner, am already in bed, teeth brushed, an hour or so to go before my head hits the pillow, and all of a sudden I start thinking about a bag of chips in the kitchen, what good does it do me to eat a bag of carrots instead?  I'm craving the chips, not because I'm hungry, I'm craving them because I want to take my mind off something - maybe I need to unwind from the day, maybe I'm anxious about something that is going to happen the next day, maybe I'm just tired or bored, or maybe it's something as innocuous as it's my habit to go into the kitchen at night and eat something crunchy.  Substituting carrots for chips does not address these issues.  If I could munch a carrot or two and close the light, leave the kitchen and go to bed, that's one thing - I'm just satisfying a need for crunch (whatever the "need" behind it) - but what I actually am doing is keeping the bad habit going.

I know that it is often suggested to substitute an activity for eating - such a jumping jacks instead of a bag of chips.  That's okay - but to me it's the same as eating the carrots.  I think it's more valuable to explore WHY I want the chips.  However, getting out of the kitchen and cleaning out a closet or a drawer is still better than eating the chips and more useful than eating carrots!

That being said, sometimes we are just out of the house, face a piece of fudge or an ice cream and want it.  Yes, reaching for an apple is a good substitute. Or sometimes we just do truly mindless eating (like picking at grapes every time we pass the fruit bowl).  So I'm acknowledging that not all cravings and situations are the same.  But for me, it's rarely that simple.  It usually is that I am needing to swallow something other than the food at hand (anger, frustration, worry, exhaustion, boredom, etc.) and a better thing than substitution (food or activity) would be to face what it is that is bothering me.  Even if I don't know what is bothering me - and even if nothing is... it's just habit that is making me eat - I need to foster the behavior of just sitting on my hands until the craving passes.Well, sitting on my hands AFTER I've written the food possibilities in my notebook.

Now that I am following my very own weight loss program, I don't have calories or points to tell me when I am out of food for the day.  It was so weird last night - I was finished eating for the day and not at all hungry. I was thinking that if I had been counting calories or points, that I would have been running everything available in my kitchen, through my head to see if I could have it.  (That's where substitutions can come in handy.) But instead, I just realized that I wasn't hungry and in no particular NEED for more food.  However, I did succumb (to habit, not hunger).  I absolutely vow right here that it will not happen again without my first going to my notebook. I think had I taken the time last night to lay out all the possibilities of what I could eat (believe me - I still have a full kitchen left over from football last week!), and put it in the notebook, I could have contemplated it all (instead of eating it all).  I could promise myself that I could have it at a later time if I wanted - and by then the urge would have passed.

So I am reliving Day 5 - The Magic Notebook - today.  ALSO - and this is HUGE news for me: Today is the day I am giving up my diet cola (TAB is my choice).  I think I will give my notebook a very busy workout the next few weeks - or months - I wish they had a diet cola patch the way they have a nicotine patch! lol

Goodbye my love, goodbye....  You were my best substitute ever...

Have a magic day!
Miriam

Returning to Day 4 of 100

Okay, whew... I'm ready to move on.  Boundaries not Diets.  I didn't post yesterday because I was overwhelmed with some decisions I had to make.  I was thinking about my "temper tantrum" with regard to WW, and realized it really wasn't a temper tantrum at all, but a very uncomfortable growth spurt and very very difficult introspection.  WHY was I uncomfortable with being on WW - was it that I don't like the program (NO), don't like the meetings or eTools (NO), that I'm lazy and don't want to do anything (NO), that I haven't lost weight with this program before (NO)????  So what was it then?

It actually was a bit of a rebellion (but not against WW specifically).  At another time, long long ago, in another blog, I talked about trusting myself to do the right thing.  I know what to eat.  I know what portions to eat it in.  I know the "healthy guidelines."  I know about water and exercise and everything else.  I have given lip service to "trusting myself" but, with deep reflection, I realized that I really have never done that.  I have used "trust myself" as an excuse to have a free-for-all with my eating.  And therefore, I have learned to NOT trust myself - it never results in weight loss or better health.

So what is the Boundaries not Diets lesson all about?  I wrote on the surface about it - but that's why I am going back to REALLY examine each day's lesson.  I can't treat this process like every other process I've gone through - reading it like a light novel or cookbook.  What it means to me (although 100 Days is meant to compliment any diet program, as is this specific lesson), is that I have to dig deep within myself and acknowledge and praise all the "diet" knowledge I have accumulated over the years, and USE it.

I know that I have to plan my meals - it's deadly to come home after an hour's commute, tired and hungry and THEN think about what there might be for dinner.  It's not even enough to have it planned - I must have it READY.  On the plate ready to be reheated is even better!  What I can do for the week is better than what I can get ready for the next day:

Here is home from the grocery store

And here is ready for the week 

And REALLY, do you think something this nutritious really has to be measured and weighed?

And REALLY, what is so hard about having this be waiting for me in the evening?

Okay - got my point?  I am in NO danger of overeating or making wrong choices if I just do what I KNOW to do.

If I'm hungry at night I still don't have to worry about too many calories or points if I stick to something like this:

A whole separate meal but still under 300 calories - okay I don't have to have the avocado and cheese, but eggs, tomatoes and some fruit will SURELY stop all-night snacking.

My Boundaries will be that I have 3-Squares a day.  I'm sorry but I like to feel full, and 6 small meals is just not going to do it for me.  HOWEVER, that being said, neither will I eat beyond the point of being satisfied.  Like today, I had a big mug of vegetable soup at lunch that filled me and I will have the rest of my lunch before going home.  I suppose that is a different way of adding up 5-6 small meals a day, but I won't look at it as 6 small meals.  I will just look at it as, if I'm no longer hungry I won't stuff myself, but if I'm hungry later, I'll finish it. 

Another Boundary will be to try to include all food groups at every meal (even if that meal is to be finished up later): protein, carb, fat.  That can be fruits, vegetables, oils or other natural fats (like avocado, for instance), any sort of protein (legumes, dairy, meat, etc.).  I know how to balance everything - I've been doing this long enough.

I'm not  sure that I need the  Boundary of  recording  my meals (and in any case, without a calorie or point "tag"). I know for SURE that if I go meal-by-meal and every single one of them are healthy (in choice and portion) that I will eat exactly what my body needs for good health (good health includes weight loss!).

I will keep the Boundary of weighing in each week.  I have already spoken with my doctor's office, and they have no problem if I come by every week to weigh in on their "official" scale.  The reason this occurred to me is that I got on my scale at home and just for the fun of it I got on three separate times within a few minutes, and each time I got a different weight.  (Digital WW scale with new batteries.)  My WW membership lapses in February, so if I don't renew, then I can't weigh in there.  Also, I think weighing in the doctor's office will make me less of a slave to the number on the scale and only an observer using it for feedback.  Weighing in at home can become obsessive (not to mention inaccurate) and weighing in at WW, for me anyway, can become PURE obsession - even to the point of making sure I'm wearing the lightest possible clothes, and not having a drop to drink or a morsel to eat before going.

I am also going to have the Boundary of actually living my OWN program - I am not going to get seduced into other programs.  I am going to make it a program in that it will NOT be a free-for-all.  It's a totally new concept, really.

I will have the Boundary of removing the punishment or reward aspect from food (thank you to everyone at the Blog to Lose chat yesterday and today) and concentrate more on looking at feelings as rewards. If I pass by the donut that I THINK I'm buying as a reward, and then feeling good about myself because I passed it up, then that good feeling, not the donut, is the reward.

Big doings.....
Miriam

Still living a day at "No matter what"

I need another day here.  I did drink all my water today (but not yesterday), and since I didn't do my bike yesterday, I figured a promise for today was empty and fraudulent - so I got on the bike before I sat down to write this entry. 

I'm going through my "I don't need WW" temper tantrum.  My monthly membership is good until February 5th, and I can renew on that day if I want to.  Price-wise it doesn't cost me anything (because I get a reimbursement from my insurance company) - I'm just having my cut and run feelings that I ALWAYS have a few weeks into a diet.  I am surprised I lasted this long! 

My daughter posted her wedding website today - she put a live countdown ticker on it.  Hmm... it's at 31 weeks now.  Where will I be in 21 weeks?  Where will I be in 11 weeks?  Where will I be 1 week before the wedding?  Just as fat as I am now? I don't want to be.  Hmmm... maybe I need to quit it with the temper tantrum and pay up so my membership stays current.

So, when I am in those moments of denial and decide I am not going to do WW and I can do it on my own I start to think of ALL the things I can eat, want to eat, and want to eat in great quantities.  I get home, open the fridge, and am faced with everything from Sunday: guacamole, hommos, fava bean salad, breads, chips, crackers, cheese.... and mashed cauliflower and chicken.  The moment of truth.  I can eat everything if I want to (and say the heck with it, or just start again on Monday), or I can do what is right for me in the moment.  I pulled out the chicken and cauliflower. 

I think between that choice, and the water, and the bike, I am ready, tomorrow, to move on to reflect on days 4-7. Of course I need to work "Do it anyway" EVERYDAY but I am ready to work the other steps.

Miriam

Reflections of the week

I've made mistakes in the past by rushing through things too fast.  I don't want to do the same this time around, so I am going to take time every week to reflect on previous days' lessons and journal entries.  It might not be necessary for every week, but this first week has been filled with so many things to reflect upon, I feel that I cannot move on yet.  Babs (who often comments here) has started her own blog and she has a very good take on the first day's lesson.  Instead of taking the instructions to fill out: "I used to be this way ____, but now I'm this way ____" she had a different approach.  Instead of looking at failures and putting THOSE into the "I used to be that way" she looked at her past success where she DID lose weight and looked at how she used to be when she was successful.  So, I am redoing my own list (Thank you Babs!):

When I lost weight last time I used to:
(1) Walk religiously - even in blizzards.  One month I went down two dress sizes without even losing weight!
(2) Plan a week's meals, not just go day-by-day.
(3) Drink my water!
(4) Realize that losing weight was an important priority in my life (right behind children, husband and home).
(5) Never missed a weigh-in good or bad.
(6) Didn't weigh myself at home during the week where I was a slave to the number.

So, instead of saying I'm not going to be like I used to be, maybe the point is to be EXACTLY the way I used to be!


Day 2: Interested or committed?  I have to stop giving lip-service to this.  If I was REALLY committed I would be losing weight already!  I think part of the problem is that I have always taken the stance that if I am committed to the program, I don't need goals (other than to be committed to the program).  I have always taken the stance that if I am doing the program, the weight will come off at its own rate and amount.  I still believe this, but now I think that not having goals outside "staying on the program" has contributed to my less-than-enthusiastic feelings toward being on WW - or any program.  I just don't have any exciting goals.  Hopes, yes.  Goals, no.  So I am hereby declaring to the world that I have the goal to lose 6 pounds a month (a mere 1.5 pounds a week) so that when I go shopping in June for a dress for the wedding  I will be 30 pounds less than I am now!  Would that be so terrible? lol  It makes it even more tangible to be committed to a weight goal than just to the program goal.

Day 3: Do it anyway.  Every single day I say I am going to use my bike, do stretches, and drink my water.  And every single day I don't. Making a change in lifestyle is more than eating the right foods.  Eating the right foods is a diet change.  I need a complete overhaul.  But in little bits and increments - that will also get me to where I need to go.  In terms of little steps, I think it would be helpful to identify ONE task each day that I never feel like doing, and then do it anyway.  Doing EVERYTHING anyway has proved to be too overwhelming for me, where I just shut down and don't do anything after a day or two.  Or take one task and do it every day for one week.  THEN add another one.  The most important thing for my recovery right now is to use the bike daily.  I promise to do it - even if I don't feel like it.

You know? This is already almost too much to take in.  I am going to work on these three things:
1) Realize what worked in the past, what didn't work in the past, and what I am going to do in my present.
2) Commit to a weight goal and see how it feels, and if it motivates me and makes me feel good.
3) Ride my bike a minimum of 20 minutes a day, and also do those 5-minute intervals at work a couple of times a day.

I am not going on until I've lived with these three things for a couple of days.  It's better to do things right than just rush through day by day.

So here's to Days 1, 2 and 3 all over again!
Miriam

Day 7 of 100: I CAN DO IT!!!!!!

Well I made it to sleep yesterday without any snack eating.  I had my own nice dinner and that was that.  I fell asleep as the boys were cheering on the Giants in overtime.  My poor cat was rolled up in a ball under my bed all night! 

Today's lesson is:  I CAN DO IT.  Actually, when I had reached this day before (my notebook says November 20th) I put the following statements on business-sized cards and made several copies:
1. I can do it.
2. I am totally determined.
3. I am using a great weight-loss plan.
4. I am capable of accomplishing anything.
5. Others have done it and so can I.
6. I've done it before and I can do it again.

I think these were directly from the book, but then I added in my own workbook: "I can do it BECAUSE:
1. I'm smart.
2. I'm a good cook.
3. I'm a good planner.
4. I want it.
5. I've done it before and I can do it again.

The most important lesson here is to get used to positive self-talk.  I read somewhere that even if you use negatives in positive self-talk, such as "I am not lazy," your brain only hears, "I am lazy."  Not that I believe everything I read, but it sounded good - so I try to be careful to state things only in the positive.

Tomorrow I am going to reflect on the first 7 days, as well as some goals that I have been refusing to make up until now.

Have a great evening!
Miriam