Welcome!

If you are new to Total Knee Replacement recovery I suggest that you read from the bottom up (starting July 2011). As I get further into recovery it becomes more about the new ME rather than the new KNEE! I hope you enjoy this blog and I welcome all your comments!

Monday, October 31, 2011

Finally! A no-drama day

And boy was it nice!  We lost power in the storm Saturday night - but were one of the lucky ones - still thousands of homes in the area still without.  In the morning we made plans to spend the day at my brother's house but when our power came back on at 11AM we decided to stay close to home... there were 3 or 4 football games piggybacking on one another and my husband preferred not to spend an hour on the road getting home between them (or staying until 9 or 10PM until they were over).  Fine by me!

I was actually dressed and ready to bolt (I always go out on Sunday afternoons during football), but every time I gathered my keys and my purse and went to the head of the stairs I just went back into bed.  This happened 4 or 5 times until I finally just took my shoes off and called it a day.  I realized that I DESERVED to stay home and rest and do NOTHING.  I did make a huge pot of 15-bean soup, but all my grocery shopping had been done for the week, and my husband was going out to get dinner and make it besides (we had swordfish, fingerling potatoes, string beans and salad).

I felt that I should be doing something - like planning the week's meals, cleaning, laundry,read,  something! I did change the kitty litter - but even my husband went out and got it for me because I didn't get it on Saturday.  Anyway, I spent the day in bed watching a SVU marathon.  I still can't believe that's all I did.  Not only was there no family drama with regard to anything, but there were no obligations to be met (well besides changing the poor thing's kitty litter) or things to do.  Believe me - it wasn't boring at all - it was quite delightful, indeed.

I just have one question: I'm a great believer in the "This too shall pass" outlook on life, and I would like to know WHY I get sucked into drama - when there is nothing I can do about it and when I KNOW it will pass.  This time around it passed in record time - maybe 4 days.  WHY do I do that to myself?????

I was going to go to the gym to use the hot tub today for my stretching, but I have a small compartmental swelling that was bothering me this morning (that's probably the last thing to go away) - I figured I needed ice and not a soak in 100+ degree water.  I'm starting to wonder whether - although it feels GREAT - if it would be better to nix the hot tub soaks/stretches... I wonder if that is hampering or helping.  Can you believe I am STILL trying to figure things out????

Breakfast:  WW bagel and 2 wedges LC cheese.  I changed up the sliced tomatoes though, and sprinkled on zatar (a middle eastern spice) and put fresh cucumbers;  coffee (6)
Lunch:  Ham sandwich on WW rye bread with salad/olive oil; popcorn (7)
Snack: apple, string cheese, almonds (4)

Dinner: steamed veggies (I have a "medley" of carrots, broccoli and string beans that I"ll steam)
chicken Parmesan: Baked chicken cutlet (4) with 1/2 cup sauce (1) and Parmesan cheese (1)
Snack:  Greek yogurt, 1/2 banana, 1 tbs walnuts (3)
Total" 26 - 1 over but that's okay by me :)

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Meanderings at the Deli Counter

Thought I could take a break from tremendously deep thinking (oh - don't worry - you'll get my thoughts "Joy Rising" Oprah class - maybe tomorrow!) but couldn't escape doing SOME thinking as you will see.

So I go to the grocery store after my class this morning (someone had asked what class I take - I don't take a class, I actually teach belly dancing... and in today's advanced class we were talking about confidence... and something very poignant came up and I was thinking "WWOS"  - what would Oprah say?  lol  -- I dug deep and found the words and my student had an "aha moment" which brought her to tears.  Very moving, indeed).  ...

I digress... back to the supermarket.  So - there are huge crowds (which only happen before hurricanes, snowstorms and Thanksgiving - so when I went home I checked weather.com and indeed, there is a snow storm coming) and it took SO long for my number to come up at the deli. I went to get 1 lb skinless turkey breast and 1 lb Thin and Trim ham. There is SO much time before my turn that I start looking at everything else.  I mentally started adding things to my list.  I was going to get some herring in wine - an absolutely favorite thing of mine - PLUS I had just read yesterday that it's a great choice for Omega-3, and it's low in points.  Then I was thinking about getting pepperoni - after all, tomorrow is a football Sunday so I started running Sunday afternoon football snack recipes in my head - if I get the pepperoni, I can make little pizzas on sliced french bread or pizzas or antipasto or any number of things.  Well, if I'm going to get the pepperoni and I did just buy apples at another store- so why not get Castello cheese (it's like a creamy blue cheese and my husband's favorite) which my husband eats with apples.  Hmm... the coleslaw looks good and now they have an edemame salad too.  But back to the herring... how much should I get.

So this entire conversation, and party menu planning is going on in my head.  My number is up next (I was 67 and it was only in the 40s when I got to the counter).  So I think to myself - that's what I enjoy about WW - you can eat ANYTHING.... you just can't eat it all at the same time.  Nor all you want of everything.  My number was called - I'll have a pound of the turkey breast and a pound of the ham please.  Anything else? No thank you.  And I walked away.  If I don't buy it I won't have it in the house and I won't have to make tough decisions about having this OR that.  And if I limit the choice confusion I do so much better.  Yes, I could have gotten the herring, and even have gotten the pepperoni and figure out all the points for all the dishes I could produce for the football game.  But honestly, my husband is just as happy with a couple of bagels and I am much better with a stable lunch, and I don't need scads of leftovers facing me all week.

It was just a very interesting conversation in my head.  At least I hope it was only in my head.  When my kids point out I'm talking to myself I always say - yes - and it's the best conversation I've had all week!

Breakfast:  Flat out bread (need to get some more), 2 LC cheese, tomatoes  (3)
Lunch:  3 oz chicken, 8 oz potatoes (both leftover from dinner last night), beets, left over green veggies (6)
"Snack":  Dunkin Donuts hot coffee with cream (3)
Dinner: 2 oz (dry) whole wheat pasta with Muir Glen garden vegetable pasta sauce (5)

Salad with 2 tsp olive oil (2)
Snack: banana "ice cream" (frozen banana whipped up like ice cream) with 1 tbs walnuts (3)
3 points left over - not sure how I'll spend them.

Lesson: The best conversations in your head are the ones where you talk yourself out of potentially doing very foolish things.

Miriam

Friday, October 28, 2011

Breathe.....

Okay - so just as I thought I had squelched that negative energy flow into my life it started again this morning.  Do you ever get the feeling that your life is like hanging on a cliff by your fingernails?  That's what it felt like my whole drive in to work this morning.  I just want ONE day without anxiety, anger, sadness, disappointment, and guilt.  I want to live one day BLANK.  I'd settle for not even happiness and satisfaction.  I just want a blank slate.  HOWEVER, I wasn't in physical pain this morning! :)  lol --- Jan - I took Aleve instead of Advil and I don't know whether it's that or cutting out a lot of inflammatory foods (like sugar and dairy), but I'll take it.  Oh why can't I have it all?  No physical pain and no emotional pain. 

But on my drive in, during all this turmoil, I was thinking that my food intake is the ONE thing that I have control over.  I think when there is loss of control in one's life that we have to hang on to any life raft that floats by.  By eating out of control that's just one MORE thing that's out of control.  I'm hanging on to my food plan like a life raft these days.  My "usual" way to handle things was: "Oh heck, everything is upside down, I can't concentrate on my food plan right now, it's not a priority, comfort food isn't called comfort food for no reason."  But my NEW way to look at is, I have been given this life raft to hold on to.  It's the one thing I CAN control, where my decisions DO count, where there IS a reward for holding on."  So to that end, I stopped in a the supermarket and made a salad at the salad bar because I had run out of lettuce this morning.

Breakfast:  Flat-out pita bread (1 at 1 pt) with 2 LC cheese, tomatoes and coffee (5)
Lunch:  Salad with 2 tsp olive oil and vinegar, 2 pitas + 4 oz turkey (8)
            Popcorn (1)
Snack: apple, cheese, almonds  (4)
Dinner:  Brussels sprouts and asparagus (these are appearing so often because I hadn't made them on a couple of nights that I said I would)
            Fingerling potatoes (8 oz for 3 points) (3)
            Protein (don't know whether hubby is getting chicken or fish): (4)
Total:  (25)

Have a great day and .... breathe!
Miriam

Thursday, October 27, 2011

The flow of energy

Another Oprah Life class moment (sorry - but they are REALLY good):  We are responsible not only for the energy that we give out, but also for what we allow in.  This means that we can't control someone else's energy, but what we can do is decide to let it in or not.  Something happened last night (just before dinner) that was very sad and unhappy, and I thought of that lesson.  Normally I would eat like crazy (not tasting or enjoying anything at all) in order to either digest the energy into my own being, or to set up a block so that I wouldn't.  Instead, I just sat quietly with the energy and thought about how I could get sucked in or let it go.  All during this time I actually had NO appetite (very interesting... I wonder how often I have no appetite in such a situation but eat out of habit anyway) and thought I would go to bed without dinner.  I try not to eat after 7, and imagined that I would not see my next meal until breakfast.

But instead, as I sat quietly with the emotions, and thinking about how I do not have to let the energy of the situation become MY energy, my appetite slowly returned and I enjoyed a nice dinner.  Not what I had set out to eat, but with in the same exact points that I had allowed myself.  Not a bit more or less.

I woke up this morning with a little less of a heavy heart than I went to bed with, and although I am still sad, most of the negative energy has dissipated with no damage to my eating plan.  I realized that I can acknowledge an emotion but I do not have to be enveloped in it (unless I want to - like happiness!).  I had something else that piggybacked on this - disappointment at the scale.  I've changed my weigh-in day from Sunday to Thursday to keep in line with a Thanksgiving challenge.  There was no loss, and I just looked at it, and instead of ditching the diet because, after all, if I haven't lost weight after being so "perfect" then what's the point... (but I remembered yesterday's lesson of not throwing out the baby with the bathwater) so I just planned out my day and went on with breakfast.

I also put my pain in perspective.  My husband happened to be up this morning while I was getting ready for work and he saw me limping and wincing.  He said that he thought the surgery was supposed to stop all that.  But since I wanted to defend my choice to have surgery I broke into the spiel about how it takes 6 months to a year to start to feel normal again.  Then I counted back to my surgery and said it's only been 5 months (this week) since the surgery, and since I had a manipulation one month out, technically, I have to start counting my recovery from that - which would make it only four months since the surgery.  I also pointed out that the pain isn't where the surgery fixed, it's a side-effect of the surgery (general swelling and leg pain) and that the reason my left leg hurts so much is probably because it always hurt me, but I never noticed it because the right knee was so bad - and now that it's better I'm noticing it more.  Once I got done giving the speech to my husband *I* felt better! lol  - put things into a more realistic perspective for me.  Yes, I'm in pain every single day, and I am limited in what I would like to do... but heck... I'm only a third of the way there!

Breakfast:  Same as usual: bagel, LC cheese, tomatoes, coffee (6)
Lunch: 3 oz lite pastrami, 2 slices WW bread, popcorn, salad with oil (7)
Snack: apple, cheese, nuts (4)
Dinner: brussels sprouts, asparagus
           Don't know yet: (6)
Snack:  Ice cream truffle (1)

Have a great, positive energy day!
Miriam

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Wednesday and letting go

Another very valuable lesson from Oprah's Life Class has been the concept of not letting your past define who you are now.  I took that to heart because I realize a lot of my overeating behavior is mainly habit.  I ALWAYS eat like crazy the whole rest of the day because I've had one piece of candy corn at 2 in the afternoon.  Why not? I wasn't perfect so the whole day (then the rest of the week and/or month) is shot.  How much of it is that the one piece of candy (or anything) triggers some physical thing that results in a downfall, and how much of it is habit?  "I've always been this way so this is the way I am now."  The definition of my past self was: I am the person who, if she strays one morsel from a food plan, then, since I allow myself no wiggle room, I have to totally ditch the program until at least the following Monday.  If this happens on a Monday, then oh well - I'll just wait till the first Monday of the next week or month. Mostly month."  So I ate according to my food plan (below) AND I had about 5 candy corns at 2PM.  Hmm... the old me would have stopped for Chinese food on the way home - because... what the heck.... but the new me is going to have exactly what I have planned for dinner!

On the knee front - I am just so uncomfortable.  I called my orthopedist's office today and one of their branches has an entire Eastern Medicine practice: Reiki, massage, acupuncture, Chinese herbs, etc.  I am waiting for a call from the massage therapist.  I've pinpointed that the worst of my left leg pain comes from tightness in the muscles, even though I am doing a really good job of stretching.  I think the discomfort in the operated leg could also benefit from a massage. So, I'm biting the bullet and paying out of pocket for something that I feel I really really need.  Hey - what I'm saving by not buying Chinese food on the way home should pay for it!

Breakfast:    WW bagel, 2 wedges of LC cheese, sliced tomato, coffee (6)
Lunch:         2 1pt whole wheat tortillas with 4 oz turkey breast (6)
                   salad with dressing (2)
Snack:        apple, string cheese, almonds (4)
Dinner:       Asparagus, Brussels sprouts
                  1 can of tuna fish with 1 tbs lite mayo (3)
                  Butternut squash  (2)
Snack:       1/2 banana with Greek Yogurt (2)
Total: 25

Be all that you can be TODAY - not who you were yesterday.
Miriam

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Tuesday - Whispers

Did anyone see Oprah's Life Class last night?  It was on listening to whispers before a pile of bricks needs to fall on you to get your attention.  Although every single one of her classes has produced an "Aha moment" for me this was the one that absolutely hit me on the head.  For weeks my body has been whispering:  "stretch and lose weight."  My ton of bricks was in the form of sending me to the doctor last week because I was afraid that I had a blood clot or that my implant had shifted.  I had been in so much pain and discomfort - not felt since about a month out of surgery.  All this time my body has been whispering:  "Stretch.  Lose weight."  Well, after last night's show I find that today I am fitting in stretches wherever I can.  For instance, when I get up for the bathroom I add a few stretches.  I am more committed than I have ever been to following a weight loss program.  I don't want the next ton of bricks to have the message - "Too late. This is how you will have to live." 

Breakfast:   WW Bagel and 2 wedges of LC cheese with tomato slices (4)
                  1/2 cup of coffee (1)
                  cactus pear (1)
 Lunch:        3 oz turkey, 2 slices WW bread, lettuce  (4)
                   salad w/2 tsp olive oil (2)
                  popcorn (1)
Snack:        Apple,string cheese, and almonds  (4)
Dinner:       Primavera sauce (3)
                 Butternut squash (2) and asparagus
Snack:       Skinny Cow Ice cream cone (3)
          By the way: JAN:  The truffle I've been having is an ice cream (like a whipped fudge bar) not their candy 
Total: (25)

Since I've joined a Thanksgiving challenge my weigh-in day will be Thursdays.  I'm actually looking forward to it!

Have a great day and listen to your whispers!
Miriam

Monday, October 24, 2011

Monday :)

I like Mondays.  I know most people use the funny icons that signal "Monday...again?" and that sort of thing, but I love them.  I wish I had Mondays off to recover from busy weekends (that's when I do all my household "chores" so I'm tired, not rested, by Sunday night) but I like the new beginnings.  Every day is a new beginning, but Mondays especially.

Breakfast:  WW bagel and 2 wedges of LC cheese (4)
                  Sliced tomatoes
                  Coffee with real cream (2) - coffee wasn't so satisfying this morning - my husband makes it from grinding beans, and sometimes just one bean too many or too little will tip the scales as to whether I like the coffee or not.  Why not make it myself you ask?  I decided, more than 30 years ago that I would never learn to make coffee - at least it's ONE thing that I won't be asked to do.  Sort of falls under the category of your kid asking for puppy and promising to take care of it, but the mother is the one walking it at 4AM on a snowy morning.
Lunch:         3 oz turkey on 2 slices of WW rye bread (4)
                   Salad with 2 tsp oil  (2)
                   Mini-bag of lite microwaved popcorn (1)

Snack:          Apple (1)
                    WW string cheese  (1)  - I just found a smoked flavor - can't wait to try it.

Dinner:          Chicken Primavera sauce with 2 oz (dry measure) whole wheat shells:   (6)
                    1 1/2 cup butternut squash casserole (2)
                    Brussels sprouts, asparagus  (0)
Snack:          Skinny Cow chocolate truffle  (1)  OMG these are SO good

Total:  24 - I should have squeezed in another fruit - since I am writing this in the morning before I've actually eaten, I might make an executive decision to nix the butternut squash because I am having pasta (but OMG - this isn't just plain butternut squash - it's a recipe made with red onions and garam masala) and have another fruit instead. 
                   
I just got an email that my membership to blog-to-lose was accepted!  I'm looking forward to getting to meet people there.  WAVING HELLO!!

Have a great day everyone:
Miriam