As I was laying in bed this morning around 7AM I was thinking about how I just finished telling y'all that I am a morning person and can only productively get things done in the morning. So, to that end, I hopped out of bed (yes I am one of the few who hops out of bed in the morning with a quick "Thank you God for another day") and started my projects. I started by cleaning the closet that holds all my "on hold" clothes. I filled a couple of bags for Goodwill, pulled several gorgeous beaded and sparkly things that I will put at the belly dance tag sale in October, and folded and put away laundry that was on the drying rack. THEN I really went to work. I culled through hundreds of videos, CDs, tapes, and DVDs and was left with only a small keep pile (in addition to the dozens of CDs that I keep for classroom use). The originals I boxed up for the tag sale, and the copies I boxed up to offer up to my students (for free) on Saturday. I also fairly well emptied a cedar closet in the laundry room (most for Goodwill, a few things for the tag sale).
I stopped when I realized that I have the whole summer for this project, and that I don't need to reach perfection and completion immediately.
WHEW, then I had lunch and just got home from grocery shopping. It's a happy day when the boxed peaches come in to Trader Joe's. I bought 2 boxes. Right now they are in a beautiful bowl on the kitchen table so I can just look at them, but will put them away tonight in the fridge because it is way too hot in the house.
Sandy - thanks for your reminder about Fly Lady. I went right to her website when I read your comment. I had forgotten that my habit of cleaning and polishing my sink at night and hanging fresh dishtowels comes from her! It is such a pleasure to come into the kitchen in the morning and having everything sparkly clean. When I leave it like that - and I usually do - my husband - who works into the evening and cooks dinner for himself around midnight, will also clean up after himself. When I leave it less than sparkling I often find his dishes have been added to mine, so I make an extra effort to clean even if I'm exhausted at night. I signed up for her newsletter and look forward to hints and motivation to see me through all my summer projects.
Hope you all enjoyed your Sunday, be it restful, worshipful, busy, or all three!
Miriam
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Saturday, June 22, 2013
2nd day of summer
I am such a morning person it isn't funny - or at least most people would find it annoying. I hit the ground running - and happily so - usually by 6 or 6:30AM. I am so full of hopes and dreams. Give me until about noon, and I poop out - BIG time! I used to be more of an all-day sort of person but my knees just exhaust me..
Anyway - I declared on FB this morning that I would usher in Summer by washing my slipcovers and curtains. Former accomplished! Latter - not so much. MOSTLY it is because I can't find my stepladder. Dontcha just love when hubby takes something for a project, never to be seen again (the something not the hubby). My goodness, it's not like he misplaced a hammer. We are missing an entire stepladder. So that (washing the slipcovers) was my summer project for the day. As soon as I hunt down the stepladder I will get to the curtains.
I had my belly dance class this morning (oh the slipcovers were washed and hanging up before I even left for that!) - another good one... I love my gals. One more next week and I am done for the summer. I remember when I used to teach year-round but not so for a few years now. I like it this way :)
Lately I've been so overwhelmed by all my STUFF. I started packing up what I am going to sell at a belly dance tag sale in October. Getting rid of tons of that stuff. Although, I am already having second thoughts about things that I have already tagged and packed. Anyway, I look around the house and I don't know what to get rid of. I have too much useful stuff - it's not junk that I should have ditched in my teens. I mean, for instance, I have a South Beach cookbook that I might not look at for years, then all of a sudden I must have a recipe from it that I know is there. I could ditch the book and just go to the library when I want the recipe - I don't want to getting into copying recipes... So the book is useful but not being used. That is that category that about what 75% of my stuff falls into. I am also not disorganized so that's not the issue. I just feel overwhelmed by STUFF.
I always said that I would love to clean as if I am packing to move. But I feel that as soon as I get rid of something I will need it. Up to now my rule of thumb has been that, if it can replaced for under $10, it goes. Maybe I need to up that to $25-$100 so that more things fall into the get-rid-of category. I just don't know. Sigh.... add it to the summer to-do list! LOL
Hey I thought I said I was going to enjoy the summer! But I think if I climbed out from under my stuff, that I would be happier and live more in a place of joy than encumbrance. HOWEVER, going back to my initial sentence - none of this will work unless I start my day around 3AM! LOL So much to do and actually a desire to do it.... But then the day goes on and... so little energy and and desire to do it... what a conundrum. Any suggestions?
Happy second day of summer!
Miriam
Anyway - I declared on FB this morning that I would usher in Summer by washing my slipcovers and curtains. Former accomplished! Latter - not so much. MOSTLY it is because I can't find my stepladder. Dontcha just love when hubby takes something for a project, never to be seen again (the something not the hubby). My goodness, it's not like he misplaced a hammer. We are missing an entire stepladder. So that (washing the slipcovers) was my summer project for the day. As soon as I hunt down the stepladder I will get to the curtains.
I had my belly dance class this morning (oh the slipcovers were washed and hanging up before I even left for that!) - another good one... I love my gals. One more next week and I am done for the summer. I remember when I used to teach year-round but not so for a few years now. I like it this way :)
Lately I've been so overwhelmed by all my STUFF. I started packing up what I am going to sell at a belly dance tag sale in October. Getting rid of tons of that stuff. Although, I am already having second thoughts about things that I have already tagged and packed. Anyway, I look around the house and I don't know what to get rid of. I have too much useful stuff - it's not junk that I should have ditched in my teens. I mean, for instance, I have a South Beach cookbook that I might not look at for years, then all of a sudden I must have a recipe from it that I know is there. I could ditch the book and just go to the library when I want the recipe - I don't want to getting into copying recipes... So the book is useful but not being used. That is that category that about what 75% of my stuff falls into. I am also not disorganized so that's not the issue. I just feel overwhelmed by STUFF.
I always said that I would love to clean as if I am packing to move. But I feel that as soon as I get rid of something I will need it. Up to now my rule of thumb has been that, if it can replaced for under $10, it goes. Maybe I need to up that to $25-$100 so that more things fall into the get-rid-of category. I just don't know. Sigh.... add it to the summer to-do list! LOL
Hey I thought I said I was going to enjoy the summer! But I think if I climbed out from under my stuff, that I would be happier and live more in a place of joy than encumbrance. HOWEVER, going back to my initial sentence - none of this will work unless I start my day around 3AM! LOL So much to do and actually a desire to do it.... But then the day goes on and... so little energy and and desire to do it... what a conundrum. Any suggestions?
Happy second day of summer!
Miriam
Friday, June 21, 2013
Lions and Tigers and Thieves, OH MY - first day of summer
So, in keeping with my vow to do something special every day, I popped out of bed at 6AM and went to Boston early so that I could get in a swim and a good soak in the hot tub. To think that this time last year I was swimming a mile every day - this morning I did only 10 laps, stopping after every two to catch my breath. But, I was pleased - it was 10 more laps than I had been doing. Then I thoroughly enjoyed the hot tub and did all my stretches that I am afraid to do at home because my legs cramp up something awful as soon as I move, but with the hot water I can safely stretch with no cramping consequences. Then I cooled off in the Jacuzzi and then back to the hot tub. I think my biggest lesson this summer is going to be to learn to just BE. I am such a human doing, that I forget how to be a human being.
So, I go take my shower, and when I put my glasses on I realize that something is wrong with them - I had them in my bag in a soft glass case, and didn't know what to make of it. Then I went to pack things up and found that my goggles that I had left on the counter with my stuff, were missing (I can now assume that someone rifled through my bag and maybe dropped or squished my glasses). THE NOIVE OF THEM. They were attached to my snorkel clip so it really took an effort to swipe them. I made a report to the front desk and then to the campus police. I asked him if he died laughing that someone wanted to report a stolen $6 pair of goggles. He said no - that they need to track incidences of theft (which was my point in making the report).
I'm miffed, but actually grateful. Just because I wouldn't steal something out in the open doesn't mean that other people won't. I'm grateful because if I had gone walking instead of swimming I might have had my $300 iPod in my bag or my jewelry, making it well worth the thief's while to rifle through my bag. I had always used a locker but this time around I said - what the heck - it's just my shower stuff - who's interested in that. Lesson learned. Thank heavens it was only a $6 lesson. I'm thinking now I should have asked the officer to dust my snorkel for fingerprints! LOL
Anyway - I was true to my word to do something special the first day of summer. The day is still early so there is plenty more to do (like eat right, drink my water, go for a walk, play with the cat, maybe practice BEING and do NOTHING!).
So what I get out of this is an unintentional new pair of frames. I got a new prescription on Wednesday and said I would pass on the frames this time (with a 40% discount my lenses still come to almost $400), but alas, I need new frames. Since I am fairly blind without my glasses I am going to go in on Monday morning with my contacts (that's a laugh - it will probably take me an hour to get them in, as I haven't worn them since my daughter's wedding last year) and pick something out. I am wedded to glasses that come with magnetized clip-ons, but the selection is tiny because more and more people are ordering transition lenses. None of them are really as nice as (or that different from) the glasses I have now, which is why I didn't want to spend the money. BUT, I'm going with the flow - time for a change!
Enjoy your first day of summer!
Miriam
So, I go take my shower, and when I put my glasses on I realize that something is wrong with them - I had them in my bag in a soft glass case, and didn't know what to make of it. Then I went to pack things up and found that my goggles that I had left on the counter with my stuff, were missing (I can now assume that someone rifled through my bag and maybe dropped or squished my glasses). THE NOIVE OF THEM. They were attached to my snorkel clip so it really took an effort to swipe them. I made a report to the front desk and then to the campus police. I asked him if he died laughing that someone wanted to report a stolen $6 pair of goggles. He said no - that they need to track incidences of theft (which was my point in making the report).
I'm miffed, but actually grateful. Just because I wouldn't steal something out in the open doesn't mean that other people won't. I'm grateful because if I had gone walking instead of swimming I might have had my $300 iPod in my bag or my jewelry, making it well worth the thief's while to rifle through my bag. I had always used a locker but this time around I said - what the heck - it's just my shower stuff - who's interested in that. Lesson learned. Thank heavens it was only a $6 lesson. I'm thinking now I should have asked the officer to dust my snorkel for fingerprints! LOL
Anyway - I was true to my word to do something special the first day of summer. The day is still early so there is plenty more to do (like eat right, drink my water, go for a walk, play with the cat, maybe practice BEING and do NOTHING!).
So what I get out of this is an unintentional new pair of frames. I got a new prescription on Wednesday and said I would pass on the frames this time (with a 40% discount my lenses still come to almost $400), but alas, I need new frames. Since I am fairly blind without my glasses I am going to go in on Monday morning with my contacts (that's a laugh - it will probably take me an hour to get them in, as I haven't worn them since my daughter's wedding last year) and pick something out. I am wedded to glasses that come with magnetized clip-ons, but the selection is tiny because more and more people are ordering transition lenses. None of them are really as nice as (or that different from) the glasses I have now, which is why I didn't want to spend the money. BUT, I'm going with the flow - time for a change!
Enjoy your first day of summer!
Miriam
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Summertime Summertime Sum-Sum-Summertime
Well I have not been hibernating for six months, but rather, have been going through a long, long journey. And seeing as though tomorrow is the first day of summer, it's time to come out the other side.
I was doing some deep work with Marianne Williamson's "A Course in Weight Loss" which she fashioned after her experience with "A Course in Miracles." It was some very very deep self-introspection, along with very heart-wrenching work - the surface of which was not even touched in my personal nutritional counseling sessions last summer. I came out from this journey truly ready to tackle other issues.
And with that, I was ready to work on Karly Randolph Pitman's "Overcoming Sugar Addiction" - which has brought me so far ahead of where I ever was in any other weight loss journey. The sugar is really beside the point - what I have accomplished is the point, not the least of which has been to forgive myself and to not see myself as broken and never able to be fixed.
In addition to weight/eating issues (but still part of the whole self-acceptance "theme") is that I have had an extremely difficult time accepting that I am 60 years old. I know the wisdom of being grateful that I have reached this age, as so many do not. It has not, however, stopped me from thinking that my life is 2/3-3/4 over. (And actually, I could be hit by a bus on the way home, meaning it could easily be 100% over...) But anyway - I just don't want to go to my grave (tomorrow or 20 years from now) telling myself that I didn't do everything I could to break out of this prison I have put myself into.
Morbid, I know. But it has spurred me on to find new motivation and momentum to live my healthiest life possible. I am learning so much about myself from Karly's program - sugar issues aside - and am now on the acceptance chapter. I think this will help me more with coming to terms with being 60 than even my weight issues. I am just loving this program and cannot recommend it highly enough. She has another program called "Untangled" and I wish I had bought that one instead -- I think it incorporates many of the concepts of the "Sugar" program but covers more ground. Anyway ... This is my project and I'm loving it.
So anyway - SUMMERTIME: I realized that tomorrow is the first day of summer, and I refuse to let it pass me by too quickly. I am going to make every day count. EVERY day. First of all, I am almost totally out of credit card debt, so by the first day of Fall I vouch to have only my mortgage payment (and of course utilities and day-to-day expenses) to pay. My car and my husband's car are so old that we might not make it to September without needing to take on a car loan payment, but I am hopeful. With a little bit of mindfulness, the last of my credit cards should be paid off by the end of the summer - including that extra $3000 ticket to Italy last September.
The next thing I am going to do this summer is to take day trips with my hubby, perhaps even staying over a few times on a Friday night, as long as we can be home by 3PM on Saturday when he needs to go to work. Flo - if you are reading this - I always admire that you and Don do so many day trips, and I hope to take a page from your book. You have inspired me! No reason we can't go to Sturbridge Village on a nice Friday afternoon!
The next thing I am going to do every day is to either walk or swim (or both) and to also use the hot tub at the fitness center at least twice a week. The hot tub is so good for my mind, let alone my body. One of the lessons in Karly's Sugar program is to learn the art of flowing. I find that being in the hot tub just letting the bubbles and water flow over me, helps to dislodge a lot of tension and unused energy that gets stopped up in my body (which often leads to my nighttime eating).
Last, but not least, is that I am going to make a mindful effort every day to eat healthy. I do eat healthy anyway, so it's not the healthy part that I'm working on, it's the mindfulness. I want to pay better attention (I already do pay attention but it's not quality attention) to my hunger and fullness signals. Now that I am not counting anything I don't have to be a member of the clean-plate club, finishing everything that I am "entitled" to. I have to learn the concept of what saran wrap is for - I can put away what I am eating and actually finish it later -- if I want to!
I used to blog daily which I really enjoyed. I do separate very personal and deep journaling for the programs that I have been doing, but I miss the "chit-chat" open nature of the blog. So starting tomorrow (today, actually) I am going to chronicle each day of summer, and see what I have done towards the goals I have set for myself. One goal, here and now, is to not do anything towards any goal if that's what I feel like that day! However, I have to acknowledge that so that I stay mindful and in the present.
Anyway - happy to be back... lesson that I learned: No matter how dark and long the tunnel, you always come out the other other end (otherwise it would just be a tube with a bottom!).
WELCOME SUMMER!
Miriam
Monday, January 14, 2013
Those of us who are thin and those of us who are fat
Just a quick observation. My husband and I were having football snacks yesterday that included a nice warm loaf of fresh pita bread. When the hommos was gone there was a teeny-tiny piece of pita bread still left from the loaf. He put it back in the bag. I just looked at him and really thought about this. I would have finished it just to finish it. He's thin. I'm fat.
Feeling a bit better. I feel as though I have been punched in the abdomen - I think my body is still recovering from the assault it took on Friday. I truly believe it was a medication side-effect, although my sister-in-law, who has been through it all, thinks it was a full-blown diverticulitis attack (as I have diverticulosis). She thinks I should see the doctor even though the worst has passed. I have a colonoscopy scheduled in a few weeks so I will just ask the doctor then. Also, if it was a diverticulitis attack there will be remnant inflammation to compare to the last colonoscopy.
However.... that being said... I promise I will see the doctor if I still feel beat up at the end of the week.
All I can say to myself is.... STEP AWAY FROM THE BREAD!
Feeling a bit better. I feel as though I have been punched in the abdomen - I think my body is still recovering from the assault it took on Friday. I truly believe it was a medication side-effect, although my sister-in-law, who has been through it all, thinks it was a full-blown diverticulitis attack (as I have diverticulosis). She thinks I should see the doctor even though the worst has passed. I have a colonoscopy scheduled in a few weeks so I will just ask the doctor then. Also, if it was a diverticulitis attack there will be remnant inflammation to compare to the last colonoscopy.
However.... that being said... I promise I will see the doctor if I still feel beat up at the end of the week.
All I can say to myself is.... STEP AWAY FROM THE BREAD!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Bargaining with God
Yesterday (with remnants today) I was so sick. It seems to have been a reaction to the medication I was taking for my back. I had abdominal gas with no relief. It had started up two weeks ago (when I started the medication) and my doctor put me on Prilosec, and on my own I took enzyme tabs, herbal tea and Gas-X. All to no avail. When I got up yesterday morning I knew I was in trouble, but went to work anyway. I could barely make it till noon and then traveled home very carefully with my cell phone by my side. I hadn't eaten anything since the day before (and also had discontinued the medication after my lunch dose the day before).
So here I am sick as a dog (and where does that expression come from, by the way - I will have to look it up!) no gas in and no gas out - just THERE. I'm shaking, I have the chills, I'm even hungry. I start to think - that's it. Even though it wasn't food that caused this, it made me think that I need to change my ways. Maybe I have to have very tiny meals. Eat only healthy food. Nibble. Never eat. If I could feel well again I would never go off a diet. As a matter of fact I wouldn't even need a diet because I would eat sensibly for the rest of my life.
But the bigger bargain with God came when my dear husband insisted that a hot bath would move the gas (he was wrong by the way). But I was do desperate I humored him. I often shower with my husband (TMI, I know) and so I'm not terribly squeamish about being naked around him, but something about being in that tub just shook me to the core. Because of my knee I really need assistance getting up and down and so could not manage the tub without his help. I told him I wanted to get into the tub with my clothes on- or at least cover myself with a towel. (I did neither.) I said I didn't want him to see me naked - that I felt so exposed. He was a bit taken aback. He loves me and my body in any shape and form and was quite shocked that I was practically beside myself. As I laid down in the tub I said that I just felt so exposed and blubbery laying there. I bargained that if I ever felt well again I would never go off a diet. As a matter of fact I wouldn't even need a diet because I would eat sensibly for the rest of my life. (Hmm... where have I heard that before?)
So I got up this morning marginally better and ready to eat. I took a nibble. A couple of hours later, another nibble. I feel bolting coming upon me.... I feel the "I can do it better" coming upon me... I feel "dieting isn't the answer" coming upon me.... I feel "I don't need to keep track of anything" coming upon me. I feel "focusing on food is not the answer to letting my obsession go" coming upon me.
But then I come to my senses and realize that my bargain is just being gifted with the realization of how important a healthy digestive system. In order to have it in good working order means a balanced intake of nutrients and calories. It means taking in healthy food and water and moving my body in ways that keep my muscles and bones and internal organs as healthy and strong as possible. It does not mean never eating again. Only nibbling. Bolting and letting nature take its course.
So out comes the tracker. And the challenge is renewed as to how I can make this diet not a diet. So far so good.. no cramps. Of course my back might start hurting again but now that I've seen the other side of what medication does, I'll deal with it. It may speed up my route to taking the shots, but meanwhile I'm not taking a thing. Only good healthy food. ...in healthy portions!
You haven't been ready to make that bargain until you've been in an "I've fallen and can't get up" situation - all blubbery and wet and helpless. Sigh.... I can live with the wet and helpless, but sure would like to get rid of the blubbery in this coming year! LOL
So here I am sick as a dog (and where does that expression come from, by the way - I will have to look it up!) no gas in and no gas out - just THERE. I'm shaking, I have the chills, I'm even hungry. I start to think - that's it. Even though it wasn't food that caused this, it made me think that I need to change my ways. Maybe I have to have very tiny meals. Eat only healthy food. Nibble. Never eat. If I could feel well again I would never go off a diet. As a matter of fact I wouldn't even need a diet because I would eat sensibly for the rest of my life.
But the bigger bargain with God came when my dear husband insisted that a hot bath would move the gas (he was wrong by the way). But I was do desperate I humored him. I often shower with my husband (TMI, I know) and so I'm not terribly squeamish about being naked around him, but something about being in that tub just shook me to the core. Because of my knee I really need assistance getting up and down and so could not manage the tub without his help. I told him I wanted to get into the tub with my clothes on- or at least cover myself with a towel. (I did neither.) I said I didn't want him to see me naked - that I felt so exposed. He was a bit taken aback. He loves me and my body in any shape and form and was quite shocked that I was practically beside myself. As I laid down in the tub I said that I just felt so exposed and blubbery laying there. I bargained that if I ever felt well again I would never go off a diet. As a matter of fact I wouldn't even need a diet because I would eat sensibly for the rest of my life. (Hmm... where have I heard that before?)
So I got up this morning marginally better and ready to eat. I took a nibble. A couple of hours later, another nibble. I feel bolting coming upon me.... I feel the "I can do it better" coming upon me... I feel "dieting isn't the answer" coming upon me.... I feel "I don't need to keep track of anything" coming upon me. I feel "focusing on food is not the answer to letting my obsession go" coming upon me.
But then I come to my senses and realize that my bargain is just being gifted with the realization of how important a healthy digestive system. In order to have it in good working order means a balanced intake of nutrients and calories. It means taking in healthy food and water and moving my body in ways that keep my muscles and bones and internal organs as healthy and strong as possible. It does not mean never eating again. Only nibbling. Bolting and letting nature take its course.
So out comes the tracker. And the challenge is renewed as to how I can make this diet not a diet. So far so good.. no cramps. Of course my back might start hurting again but now that I've seen the other side of what medication does, I'll deal with it. It may speed up my route to taking the shots, but meanwhile I'm not taking a thing. Only good healthy food. ...in healthy portions!
You haven't been ready to make that bargain until you've been in an "I've fallen and can't get up" situation - all blubbery and wet and helpless. Sigh.... I can live with the wet and helpless, but sure would like to get rid of the blubbery in this coming year! LOL
Monday, January 7, 2013
Keeping your eye on the goal
It's funny how you find blog topics. I was out for my walk today when I visually saw mine.
I decided to take the return trip from my walk down an alley between two buildings. It's a half-mile but from one end of the alley where I enter I can see, as if it is RIGHT in front of me, the building to which I am going. It makes the walk seem SO much shorter. Seeing this visual cue gives me a direct goal to reach for. So it got me to thinking about my approaches to weight loss.
Whenever anyone has said that he/she wants to lose x-amount of pounds a week, I ALWAYS say - "That is ridiculous - you cannot command your body to do anything. Just follow the program and your body will lose at its own rate." I still believe that, but I realized today that this attitude has also kept me from obtaining goals because I have had none. Yes, the immediate goal is to stay on a weight-loss program, but I never had a resultant goal. If I lost weight that would be a bonus. If I went down in size that would be a bonus. If my blood-work numbers improved that would be a bonus. But I never saw these as goals themselves, and that always kept my motivation rather weak and murky. Sticking to a weight-loss program just never provided the end goal in and of itself that I need to see down that 1/2-mile alley to where I am going.
I don't want to over-analyze this - did I think these goals are not possible for me? that I am not worthy of them? that I have no faith in myself? etc.? The point is that I never verbalized far goals. I am seeing my doctor again in six months. I want to be down 20 pounds from where I am this morning. I want my blood sugar to be under 100. I want my glucose ratio to be under 6.0. I want my triglycerides to be under 150. I want to be able to walk 2 miles without back pain.
And through this all I am going to eat for health, not just for weight loss. I was remembering back to a couple of years ago- I was never so sick in my life as when I was eating for weight loss and not health. I ate so much processed garbage in the name of low points it took me months to straighten out my digestive system. I have enough problems right now, thank you, with my digestive system. I am on a very strong anti-inflammatory that is making me so bloated I feel like I am going to explode. I am taking counter-active measures (enzyme pills and digestive teas) but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I was able to walk .2 of a mile today before my back started whispering to me, and .5 before it started really complaining, and .8 before it started yelling. So I know the anti-inflammatory is working. But, if I can't take the side effects I might have to consider the cortisone/lidacaine shots in my back.
Anyhoo.... I am daring to have goals in this new year. I spoke them aloud. I put them here. I can see the weight loss program as the alley - but the goals as the building all that way down in front of me.
Miriam
I decided to take the return trip from my walk down an alley between two buildings. It's a half-mile but from one end of the alley where I enter I can see, as if it is RIGHT in front of me, the building to which I am going. It makes the walk seem SO much shorter. Seeing this visual cue gives me a direct goal to reach for. So it got me to thinking about my approaches to weight loss.
Whenever anyone has said that he/she wants to lose x-amount of pounds a week, I ALWAYS say - "That is ridiculous - you cannot command your body to do anything. Just follow the program and your body will lose at its own rate." I still believe that, but I realized today that this attitude has also kept me from obtaining goals because I have had none. Yes, the immediate goal is to stay on a weight-loss program, but I never had a resultant goal. If I lost weight that would be a bonus. If I went down in size that would be a bonus. If my blood-work numbers improved that would be a bonus. But I never saw these as goals themselves, and that always kept my motivation rather weak and murky. Sticking to a weight-loss program just never provided the end goal in and of itself that I need to see down that 1/2-mile alley to where I am going.
I don't want to over-analyze this - did I think these goals are not possible for me? that I am not worthy of them? that I have no faith in myself? etc.? The point is that I never verbalized far goals. I am seeing my doctor again in six months. I want to be down 20 pounds from where I am this morning. I want my blood sugar to be under 100. I want my glucose ratio to be under 6.0. I want my triglycerides to be under 150. I want to be able to walk 2 miles without back pain.
And through this all I am going to eat for health, not just for weight loss. I was remembering back to a couple of years ago- I was never so sick in my life as when I was eating for weight loss and not health. I ate so much processed garbage in the name of low points it took me months to straighten out my digestive system. I have enough problems right now, thank you, with my digestive system. I am on a very strong anti-inflammatory that is making me so bloated I feel like I am going to explode. I am taking counter-active measures (enzyme pills and digestive teas) but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I was able to walk .2 of a mile today before my back started whispering to me, and .5 before it started really complaining, and .8 before it started yelling. So I know the anti-inflammatory is working. But, if I can't take the side effects I might have to consider the cortisone/lidacaine shots in my back.
Anyhoo.... I am daring to have goals in this new year. I spoke them aloud. I put them here. I can see the weight loss program as the alley - but the goals as the building all that way down in front of me.
Miriam
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